


run and score

by aurorawinds



Category: WTFock | Skam (Belgium)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Sports, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Enemies to Lovers, Eventual Romance, Falling In Love, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Football | Soccer, Idiots in Love, M/M, Romance, Team Dynamics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-29
Updated: 2020-04-25
Packaged: 2021-02-26 16:14:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 59,883
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23372407
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aurorawinds/pseuds/aurorawinds
Summary: Robbe Ijzermans is the star goalie of Antwerp U’s football team, naturally blocking shots as if it were his sixth sense. Sander Driesen is their star striker, having an eagle eye for the goal at all times.Robbe always had a distaste for his bleached-blonde teammate and the annoying way he carried himself, but Robbe can never mask how much he admires him from a distance.When they finally begin to learn more about each other, there is no going back for either.With the looming playoffs in jeopardy for their entire team, will Robbe & Sander be able to manage it together? All while falling in love with each other at the same time?
Relationships: Sander Driesen/Robbe IJzermans
Comments: 143
Kudos: 429





	1. game one

**Author's Note:**

> This work is a long one, but an idea I couldn't get out of my mind! 
> 
> There are a few changes in character personalities and motivations.
> 
> Warning; explicit cursing and drinking

Robbe Ijzermans didn’t always pay attention to sports.

In fact, he couldn't have cared less about it when he was a young child. 

_ Vulnerable and weak-minded, _ the words echoed themselves into a tenebrous abyss of nothing. 

He hated the way players would easily fall on the floor to create a scene or how cocky some of the athletes sounded on television. The world was so much bigger than eleven men playing on a field passing a ball around. 

It wasn’t until his father noticed the way Robbe would leave the room whenever he turned on the sports channel. Or the way Robbe scrunched up his face in disgust whenever he saw his cousins playing with the ball outside during family gatherings. 

He immediately registered his son in football camp, forcing him out of his own will to play the game. In honesty and truth, those first few years were some of the worst of Robbe’s life. He came home crying every night to the arms of his Mama, who always tried her best to soothe out the loud sobs of her son. His Papa only stood up and left towards the bedroom, shutting the door with such force that it always left Robbe shaken up. 

This routine continued for a while. Whether Robbe liked it or not, football vocabulary quickly became part of his daily vernacular. He sometimes heard his coaches praise him for something he was accomplishing, but he never cared enough to listen. It wasn’t until he turned eleven and met his best friend, Jens Stoffels, in a football summer camp that he began to find some semblance of interest in the sport. 

The two became inseparable, finding any extra time in the day to play a quick game of footie. Jens constantly invited him over to his home where he displayed his collection of signed footballs that his Papa gifted him. Four out of five times, the day ended with both boys playing FIFA in the basement and laughing until they nearly couldn’t breathe.

Over time, Robbe found himself willingly turning on the sports channel to catch a game. Though, he never did it when his father was around. He didn’t want to give him the satisfaction. 

Besides, his father began to spend more and more time out of the house, leaving Robbe in the comfort of his Mama’s hugs. This never managed to alleviate his worries, on the other hand. His father’s behaviors were clearly affecting the woman who Robbe so deeply cared for and as he got older, he noticed the way she was becoming more unstable. 

Robbe was in middle school - around thirteen years old - when his Mama was first sent to the psychiatric ward. He had never been so scared in his life, especially as he watched the light drain out of his Mama’s eyes the days before it happened. Robbe refused to go to school, only wanting to be at her bedside to hold her hand and whisper that everything would be okay. Instead, he was quickly shut down by his Papa, explaining that she had to recover for a while on her own and that the presence of her son could only make things worse. 

_ I would make things worse? he thought. _

Robbe questioned himself for weeks, not fully understanding the situation his Mama was in. Since his Papa was forced to stay at home to care for him, the young boy found any excuse to be out of the house, nearly always calling Jens so they could play football together. It was during those times that Robbe found a deep sense of comfort in the sport, almost as if it were his escape from the unknown. His escape from the things he desperately wanted no part of. 

As he began to show more motivation and vigor in training, Robbe soon realized he was quite talented in his abilities, specifically in between the posts. Every time a ball came close enough, Robbe was there to catch it with a strong grip or block it with a heavy punch. 

His Mama eventually came back home after several months at the hospital, tearfully hugging Robbe when she opened the door to the house. She looked well, much better than when she had left, he noted. Her eyes were bright with excitement and her cheeks were no longer hollow. Her face was fuller and the color that had returned to it illuminated the entire room. Robbe had to laugh as he was attacked with kisses all over his face, grabbing her hands to squeeze them tight. Two times to be exact. 

Jens dropped the intense running and goals of football for the tricks and glides of skateboarding around Robbe’s second year of high school. He didn’t mind though, seeing that Jens still enjoyed watching games with him and came over as support whenever Robbe played an important final or playoff. 

Though, the boy soon noticed when his best friend began to talk more and more about the girls at school, how he was trying to flirt with them or how Elise from his Spanish class passed him a note with her phone number on it. Robbe wasn’t ever remotely interested in the topic, always needing to shift the conversation to literally anything else. Whenever Jens asked him how he was doing in that department, he only shook his head and leaned back on the couch. His hands clammed up and his face grew hot. _ This is confusing, Robbe thought. _

As he moved through the years of high school, he developed even better as a player. Robbe was racking up awards quickly in the goalkeeping category. The walls in his room soon became overcrowded with plaques and certificates, with trophies adorning the shelf that hung right next to his closet. Whenever Robbe was sad, he would only stare at them all, telling himself he was worth a damn and his talents would help him realize that. Nothing ever replaced the aching empty hole in his chest for _ something else _, though. Robbe never found the explanation for it. 

It wasn’t even in the slightest bit of surprise to him when, Antwerp U, one of the city’s largest universities, offered him a scholarship in his final year of high school to play for them. Robbe didn’t think he would hesitate at first, but he did, unsure if he really wanted to continue playing into his young adult years. Jens encouraged him to take it, and his Mama only told him to do what was best for him. _ “All I want in life is to see you at your happiest,” _ she said. The award package was hefty, with full tuition coverage and networking benefits that Robbe desperately wanted for the future. 

So, he accepted and continued to play. It was something he was good at, he wouldn’t deny that. Having the ball in his hands tended to get his mind off everything else in his life, and that’s what mattered most to Robbe.

…

It was those exact thoughts that rumbled through his mind as he currently watched the game unfold before his very own eyes.

The cheers of the crowd enveloped Robbe’s periphery, eventually invading all of his senses as soon as the whoops coming from his friends Jens, Moyo, and Aaron made their way inside his ears. Their home team, Antwerp U, had just scored an equalizer, levelling both teams up. 

Robbe was in a bad mood, not because his team wasn’t winning just yet, but because he felt useless as he massaged the bandage wrapped around his ankle. Robbe was the team’s star goalie, but he was out for two more weeks with a sprain. The reason for that came after he blocked a shot during practice and awkwardly landed on his foot. It would have been fine if he left for the nurse as soon as it happened, but he continued to practice until the session ended. The extra time he spent in front of the goal managed to distress the pain even further, leaving him at the hospital where they told him he would have to rest for several weeks. _ So stupid _, Robbe thought. He put the blame entirely on himself, knowing he had developed a new found liking for the sport and genuinely loved to play. More importantly, he wanted to help his teammates out. 

Well, except for _ one _. 

Robbe escaped his rambling thoughts and tried to focus on the current scoreline again. It was anyone’s game now, yet Robbe could only sneer and roll his eyes at the individual who scored the tying goal. 

If this were some American high school teen movie, Robbe knew the camera would focus on the player’s concentrated face, eyes solely funneling to look at the ball. His platinum blonde hair blowing in the wind would be in slow-motion, allowing the viewer to fully grasp how beautiful this boy was. If they were lucky enough, they would even get a glimpse of his viridescent eyes, so deep-set that they held a story of their own. 

_ Sander Driesen _. 

Sander Driesen, his teammate and star striker for Antwerp U, was high-fiving everyone and even managed to blow a kiss to the crowd. His charismatic personality and good looks (_ at least that’s what Robbe heard from others _) attracted everyone. Sander was no doubt the leading man of the team and his stats even proved it. He reigned at the top of the regional goalscorer chart, only trailing behind the national leader by a mere four goals. Encouraging his teammates in practice, breaking records, and managing his schoolwork at the same time was no easy feat, yet Sander was able to conquer it all. 

Jens shoved Robbe’s shoulder, grinning widely, “Robbe, did you see how he nutmegged that defender? You gotta invite him to one of our hangouts one day. I definitely want to talk to him.”

Moyo butted in at the same time, “Or just invite him to go to a party with us. Maybe he could bring his friend, Noor, with him too,” he added with a wink, “Solely for friendship purposes.”

Robbe only huffed in frustration,”I’m not gonna do any of that. I don’t like the guy. How many times have I _ told _ you?” 

Jens scoffed, “What do you have against him? He could be the reason we win this game.” 

“Listen, I’m just saying, Luc is a good goalkeeper and a nice guy, but if I was in there, we wouldn’t even be tying, so Sander has nothing to do with it,” Robbe replied, pointing to the second-in-line goalkeeper, Luc, who was managing his post diligently. 

“We would be losing?” Aaron asked.

Robbe laughed sarcastically, “No, we would be _ winning _. I definitely wouldn’t have let those opposition goals in.” 

Jens held back a smile, “Robbe, this injury has made you really cocky. I thought you would be sulking around.”

Robbe only shrugged his shoulders, “I mean, I’m upset. But I’m doing fine. It’s just that you guys won’t shut up about Sander.”

Moyo lifted his hands up in surrender, “Fine, fine...we’ll shut up about it.” 

Robbe whispered a silent thank you as he tilted his head back to the game. Sander was maneuvering his way through the lines beautifully, trying to find an open space for his teammates to pass the ball. His loose white shorts flapped against his long legs while matching socks ran up just below his knees. 

Unable to stop himself, Robbe’s thoughts drifted away once again. This time, they went back to his first year of college. He and Sander had gotten off to a rocky start. They were both in the same year and attended the same pre-season football camp. The two boys introduced themselves to each other just as they did with everyone else who were aiming to impress the coach well enough to earn a starting spot. To no surprise, both Robbe and Sander outshined the others. Sander scored tens of goals while Robbe blocked most of the shots that came his way. Everything was going better than the time he and Jens kicked a vending machine by accident and prompted all the snacks to fall down into their welcoming arms. 

However, things changed once the official season kicked off. Almost as if it were a gush of wind that threw Robbe on his back, Sander began to ignore him whenever he could, only talking to him when it came to team formations and secret signals. Robbe didn’t understand it at all and truthfully felt betrayed when he noticed the bleached-blonde boy joking around with everyone else but him. 

It was only until Robbe ignored Sander back when he began the teasing. Purposefully finding any way to be in the same practice group with Robbe, Sander used it to his advantage to call him using his favorite nickname: ‘Little Robin.’ _ Ugh. _ Robbe absolutely hated it. Sander would even accompany Robbe when it was his turn to pick up the water bottles strewn across the grassy field, always kicking the last bottle out of Robbe’s reach just as he was getting ready to pick it up. 

“Focus, Ijzermans! We have a game tomorrow,” Sander would laugh, holding his stomach and throwing himself over in giggles once he saw Robbe’s expression.

“Fuck off,” he would reply back, peacefully flipping him off with his middle finger. 

The weirdest thing that happened between them (_or really just in Robbe’s eyes _) occurred in their second year near the end of April. Robbe couldn’t help but notice how tall Sander actually was and how his sage green eyes shone like crystalline against the sunlight during games. He found himself looking at him more and more often, and the thoughts on why that was happening angered Robbe. There was no way he was going to start falling for the boy that annoyed him to the point where he once considered quitting the team. 

To no avail, the situation worsened as they both shared the same locker room. To be fair, of course they did. They were on the same team. Robbe wouldn’t lie to himself and say that he _ didn’t _ eye Sander across the room all the time, noticing his well-built physique. His tan skin in the summer highlighted his toned muscles and while most people would first view him as lanky, Sander was _ fit _and known as the most graceful player on the team. Robbe would be fixing the straps on his goalie gloves, observing the way Sander liked to sling a towel over his shoulder after he changed. As a tradition, he always patted Robbe on the back before he left, drawing chills and a shiver down his spine. 

The thing is, the part that scared him the most was when he realized he could no longer get away with the secret looks and glances...because Sander began to always look back, throwing him a small smile before looking away. And Robbe’s heart always skipped two beats. 

It was now near the beginning of their third year. Either way, Sander was too preoccupied with his new girlfriend,_ Britt Ingelbrecht _, to pay much attention to Robbe after practice. The whole team had set up a group chat way back, and when the news broke out, they endlessly teased Sander for finally getting himself a lover after years of being single. Robbe was the exception though, closing the chat and shutting off his phone so he could no longer hear the excess amount of pinging that was happening. 

He realized he was getting tired, whether it was from his own thoughts or the pain medication he was taking, Robbe didn’t know. He was about to let his friends know that he felt like leaving when, Noah, one of the team’s most vital central defenders, cut a long pass through the lines so precisely, it found itself at the bottom of Sander’s feet, who immediately started to run and move the ball with him as smooth as can be. He kept running, and the cheers were getting louder.

Jens punched Robbe in the shoulder again, a little too hard for his taste,”Dude, look! We’re gonna win this!” 

Robbe watched every movement of Sander’s as he got closer to the goal. He outran the defenders and dribbled throughout with a few dummy runs. He was through on goal and knowing Sander well enough, Robbe knew he would get closer before shooting the ball on target. 

But to his surprise, Sander de-accelerated his pace and began to swing his leg from distance in order to bend the ball. With all of his momentum, he shot. 

The whole crowd looked on, getting ready to celebrate the winner and being one game closer to the playoffs. 

Robbe’s eyes cast downward as he realized where the ball was heading. 

_ Shit. _

Free-falling, the ball moved closer and closer to the net, that is, until a pair of gloved hands decided to ruin the party. 

The shot parried off of the opposing goalie, flying over to a random bystander. 

“DAMN!” Aaron shouted, throwing his hands up in the air in frustration. Jens only shook his head in disappointment. The whole crowd shushed down in noise. The only thing Robbe could hear was Coach Peeters yelling incoherent nonsense to the entire team. 

Moyo sighed, offering some hope, “At least it’s a tie.”

“Sure,” Robbe said, gathering his belongings to start the way down the benches after the final whistle blew and hopefully talk to some of his teammates. He was known to be the person in the group who could cheer anyone up and he wasn’t going to let his injury get in the way of that. He continued down the stairs, being careful with the foot that was extremely sensitive at the moment, and looked out to the field. Reaching the ground, he began to walk towards everyone, shaking hands with some of the staff and performing his secret handshakes with those who were on the reserve bench. 

Out of the corner of his eye, he spotted Sander who looked defeated enough with slumped shoulders and a hung-down face, angrily kicking a ball that was near him across the field. He stepped out of his cleats and dusted off the dirt that covered his jersey. Robbe thought he would put aside his distaste for him in the moment, beginning the walk towards Sander. He was almost there until he heard a familiar, high-pitched voice. 

“Baby?” Britt asked with a sad look on her face, running towards Sander to wrap her arms around his neck, tucking her head into his shoulder. He reciprocated by wrapping one arm around her waist, bringing her even closer to him. 

_ Well. _

Slowly backing away, Robbe had to look in the other direction once he saw Britt grab Sander's face and kiss him hard. 

_ Maybe not today. _

_ \-- _

Robbe groaned in distress as he made the way up the steps to his house, where he knew his mother would be preparing his favorite dinner. Maybe food was the healing process he needed to get rid of all the pain he felt. 

Opening the door, he was greeted by his Mama who stood in the hallway, wearing a tartan patterned apron around her waist and one hand covered by an oven mit. She immediately jogged over to Robbe, wrapping her arms around his head and softly kissing his fluff of hair. 

She lovingly smiled at him, “How’s my lovely boy doing? Did you guys win?”

He returned the smile back, “Hi, Mama. I’m okay...ankle still hurts, though,” he added with a chuckle. 

His Mama broke apart from him to kneel down and examine the bandaged area, massaging it gently with her delicate fingers. 

“It’ll get better soon, Robbe, I promise,” she said as she got back up, pressing one more kiss on his cheek. 

Robbe nodded, “I know. Still, we only tied today. I just want to go back and help the team out again.”

She hummed, “And you will. But now you still need to rest and get better. I even made you your favorite dish...pasta with meatballs!” 

He laughed at her enthusiasm, “I knew something smelled familiar...thank you Mama, I love you.” 

“I love you too.”

Robbe hesitated and held back the question he had on the tip of his tongue. He knew it would be better to say nothing, but he wanted to know. 

“And Papa? Is he here?”

His Mama only shook her head no, a sad expression coming over her face as she took a deep breath and smoothed out her apron before going back to the kitchen. 

He had guessed that would be the answer. 

Giving an understanding nod, Robbe slung the backpack that he had put on the floor back on his shoulder as he followed her to finally eat. 

\--

Once he was back in his room, Robbe began to finish up the last few pages he had to type up for a science research report he was doing with Yasmina, a close friend of his who happened to share the same Human Biology class. The report was due tomorrow and she already texted him earlier that day that she finished her part. Feeling a bit stressed out, he pulled out his music player and put it on shuffle. The tunes soon took over the space, allowing Robbe to relax and bop his head to the beat. 

Robbe whooped in celebration once he finished typing the last word, immediately grabbing his phone to text Yasmina that he finished. 

Yasmina: _ awesome :) see you tomorrow _

Robbe: _ see you :) _

After it was all said and done, he jumped onto his bed, mumbling jumbled words into his sheets when he heard several pings coming from his phone again. He leaned forward to grab it and read what was being said. 

Nathan: _ ref was totally paid off, did you see how #14 fouled me and he didn’t even blow the whistle? _

Noah: _ or when the goalie was clearly off his line when we had that penalty kick _

Luc: _ shit sucks _

Luc: _ robbe, i probably shouldn’t say this, but damn i wish you played today _

Robbe paused for a few seconds before responding, looking to see if any text bubbles would pop up, but none did. He was typing up his response and getting ready to hit send just as he received a new notification. He quickly went to go check.

Sander: _ same _

His heart skipped two beats.

Luc: _ throwing me under the bus, sander? Lol _

Sander: _ lol no _

Another text bubble popped up, but immediately disappeared under the shadows. Robbe sighed as he sent his text.

Robbe: _ it’s whatever, you did your best, luc. shit happens. if it makes you feel better, i should be back in practice in two weeks _

Noah: _ hallelujah _

Luc: 👍 

Shutting off his phone, Robbe flopped around to get in a good position to sleep. He eventually dozed off to the sound of Stormzy playing off his small, portable radio. Wild dreams soon entered his mind, leaving him some hope for the future.

\--

Lugging his heavy backpack on the weight of his shoulders, Robbe passed a corner in the school hallway and made his way inside the classroom where he found Yasmina already in her seat, busy writing down notes and clicking her pen needlessly. 

He slid down in the seat right next to her, picking out the books he needed for that day and plopping them onto the desk, “Hey.”

“Hey,” she replied, making a motion with her hands towards Robbe’s leg before continuing, “And your ankle? Is it getting any better?”

Robbe nodded back, leaning his chair back to pop his leg out to show her, “Less than two weeks and I’ll be back, baby.” 

Yasmina rolled her eyes at his response, clicking her pen and fixing her posture by sitting up straight, “Right, well, do you have your part of the project? I can staple everything and hand it in now.” 

“Yup,” Robbe said, turning his back around to find the papers in his bag. 

However, as he spun back with a folder in hand, he was blindsided by a familiar head of white hair walking into the classroom. 

His mouth went dry. _ He’s not even in this class. _

Sander exuded every type of cool imaginable, sporting a black leather jacket with a navy blue hoodie underneath. He _ definitely _ dressed differently than everyone else on the football team, Robbe knew. Even his walk was stylish, the steps of his heavy Doc Martens making their way towards Yasmina and Robbe, eventually pulling him to his senses. As he got closer, Robbe definitely got a whiff of his scent, citrus mixed with vanilla. He looked up as Sander finally locked eyes with both of them, looking at Yasmina and whispering a quiet hello before looking back at Robbe. 

“Hey.”

Robbe only stared back, narrowing his eyes and wanting to swipe the smirk right off the boy who was directly in front of him. 

“How did you know I was in this class?”

“What?”

Robbe was annoyed, repeating the question that Sander just asked, “What?”

Yasmina looked between the two boys and sighed as she leaned forward to clarify, “Robbe wants to know how you knew he was in this class.” 

Sander lifted his eyebrows and shrugged, “I need to talk to him about something and I happened to see him in the hallway just now.” 

“You could’ve just texted,” Robbe mumbled as he rummaged through the folder to get the project papers he needed. 

Sander lightly hummed to himself as he went to snatch it out of Robbe’s hands, “Someone’s in a bad mood.”

Robbe huffed as he got up to grab it back, nearly falling to the floor with Sander as they fumbled with it, tangling arms together and making a scene. 

“Give it back, Sander, you’re so annoying,” Robbe demanded. 

“Not when you’re being so rude,” he laughed. 

Robbe was getting quite pissed off at this point, shooting an apologetic look towards Yasmina after noticing how embarrassed she looked. 

“Well, you deserve it,” Robbe shot back.

Sander only ignored him and continued to look through the folder, “It’s for your biology research project, right?” 

Robbe was startled at that, stepping back a couple of steps and breathing out a quiet, “Yeah.”

_ When had he talked about the project in front of Sander? _

Pulling out the five pages he had typed up the previous night, the taller boy handed them to Robbe, “Here.”

Robbe reluctantly reached out to grab them out of his hands, trying his hardest to avoid eye contact, “Thanks.”

“We still have five minutes before classes start again. Can we talk outside please?” Sander pleaded with him, pulling out his famous pout and placing his hands on Robbe’s shoulders. They were strong. Firm. Grounding him to the floor with ease.

“About what?” Robbe was curious. 

Sander grinned, “About how we’re gonna celebrate when you come back from injury, obviously?” 

He laughed at that, swaying his body side to side, “Right.”

Sander’s eyes then began to soften, still managing to shine bright among the dullness of the room, “Are you feeling any better?”

“Yeah,” Robbe breathed out, “All good.”

Shooting him a smile that was worthy of its own championship, Robbe’s knees nearly gave out, leading him to lean against a desk to mask how quickly he was turning to jelly. 

“I’m glad, little Robin,” Sander winked. 

The older boy began to say something else until a low ping alerted him to his phone. Reaching for it in his pockets, he started to read the message, mumbling something quickly to himself before shoving the phone back into his pants. 

“Gotta go, Robin, talk to you soon,” Sander said, turning around at a swift pace. 

“Uh, okay,” Robbe muttered, lamely waving goodbye as he watched him disappear into the crowd. 

He slowly walked back to his desk, pulling the chair from under and plopping onto it. He took a deep breath as he tried to shuffle the papers into their correct order, feeling tense under the stare he knew Yasmina was giving him right now. 

Getting the papers, he nervously straightened them out and handed them to her, “Here.”

Whispering a sweet thank you, Yasmina rose up from her seat to grab the stapler at the back of the room, walking back up to hand their teacher the project. She clapped her hands together as she sat back down, folding them nicely onto the desk and looking upon the board with a mysterious glint in her eyes.

Robbe couldn’t take it anymore, “What, Yasmina?” 

Upon hearing his words, she turned to him, sweetly smiling before unfolding her hands and taking a deep breath, “What was that all about?”

“What?”

Yasmina mimicked him, “What?”

“Stop it, okay?” Robbe begged her. He didn’t need to go over what just happened because he already knew how weird it probably looked to her and everyone else in the room. 

She gave her signature laugh, eyes wrinkling up and her dimples prominent, “I just think it’s funny,” she paused, “Have you guys booked the honeymoon already?”

Robbe groaned, covering his face with his hands to hide the blush that began to creep up. 

Yasmina quietly laughed before getting quiet. “I’m kidding, okay, Robbe?” Placing her hand on his shoulder, she continued, “I just worry about you. You seem to be up and down with your feelings towards him.” 

Robbe scoffed, “I have no feelings towards him.” 

  
  


\---

  
  


Two weeks flew by faster than what Robbe anticipated. Faster than Sander when he sprints across the football field in drills. Faster than the few seconds it took the doctor to gently unwrap the bandage around his ankle. Faster than the unsettled and blustery winds that were currently battering against Robbe’s skin as he trotted his way over to practice. 

Despite that, he felt _ new _ . He felt _ fresh. _ He felt _ rejuvenated. _

Robbe was going to conquer all on his comeback. He never felt more motivated to impress and bring the team back to its winning ways, considering they actually _ lost _ their most recent match the past weekend. The group chat became unbearable, full of boys arguing about missed game calls and undeserved yellow cards. Secretly, they all had one lingering worry on the back of their minds, which was missing out on the playoffs. Robbe dismissed the thought immediately, knowing they still had four games to change the course of the ship. If they won all four, they would be through. 

He took hold of the gate that led to the field, already noticing a small group huddled together in the middle, and began to unclasp the lock. Once he unlocked it, he made sure to clasp it back. 

The day was gloomy, with dark skies and the promise of rain looming over the cascade of trees that surrounded them. Robbe was already in his gear, claret-coloured jersey and black gloves in hand. At the sight of white, disheveled hair that seemed to pop in and out of the group circle, Robbe brought his fingers up to his lips, blowing to create a piercing whistle to the crowd in front of him. Everyone looked up at that, immediately breaking apart and whooping back at the sight of Robbe. 

“He’s back!” Nathan shouted. 

Luc was laughing, “I can’t believe it, he’s risen from the dead!”

Senne De Smet, their starting midfielder and long-standing team captain, clapped his hands together and was the first to reach Robbe, pulling him in a tight hug. 

“Glad to have you back, _ eagle eyes _,” he said while grinning hard, using the common nickname that everybody mostly used for Robbe. 

Robbe smiled back at that, patting Senne on the back, “I’ve never felt better.” 

“Good, we need you,” he added with an assuring nod. 

As the captain moved away to get a water bottle, Luc playfully shoved him out the way, encasing Robbe in a bear hug, nearly choking the poor boy to death. 

Robbe tried his hardest to hug back, but he found it nearly impossible at the angle he was in. 

“Christ, Luc, you’re gonna kill him,” a familiar voice finally spoke. 

_ Sander _. 

Luc let loose of his grip and joked back, “What? I can’t be happy to see our boy? Maybe we’ll actually win our games now.” 

“That can’t happen if you break his airways before he even gets on the pitch,” Sander retorted. 

Robbe decided to interrupt their conversation, “Guys, I’m fine,” he said, all while ruffling his head of hair and pulling down the jersey that had bunched up around his waist. 

Sander was still looking at him once Robbe lifted his head back up, shooting him a small smile before leaving to join Senne at the water station. 

Robbe sighed. Sander was acting like his usual ways at practice with him more recently. By more recently, Robbe meant ever since Sander got together with Britt. Distant and brief. 

The only time he didn’t was when he inexplicably showed up at Robbe’s bio class a few weeks back, still leaving Robbe clueless for an answer. 

It shouldn't have bothered him as much as it did. But Robbe couldn’t help and ask himself what he was doing wrong as he watched Sander giggle with Senne, putting the captain in a headlock and nearly tackling themselves to the ground. 

_ Whatever. _

Robbe wasn’t going to let that ruin his day. He had goals he wanted to reach. He liked to believe that his injury changed him for the better, making him aspire to even greater heights. After greeting back all of his other teammates, Robbe grabbed his stuff and started walking to his post at the football net. 

Trying to ignore the heavy wind that was flailing wisps of his hair in front of his face, Robbe almost didn’t hear Luc jogging up beside him, looking a bit out of breath. The boy’s brown, shaggy hair covered up most of his forehead and his clear, blue eyes turned foggy under the cloudy skies. 

“Hey, sorry about earlier. I got a little excited,” he explained.

Robbe quietly laughed to himself, “It’s okay, don’t worry.”

Luc looked past the horizon at the gray sky above them, giving them a moment of silence before continuing, “Since you’ll be back between the posts, maybe now Sander won’t have diva fits in the locker room.”

Now this intrigued Robbe, “What are you talking about?”

The slightly thinner boy only shook his head, “Nothing. Just had a massive meltdown this past weekend after we lost the game. He yelled at everyone, telling us we all deserved to lose considering how dead we looked on the pitch,” he huffed before speaking again,”then he had the guts to specifically pick me out and tell me I need to do better because,” Luc lifted his hands up to mimic air quotes, “‘If Robbe was here, this wouldn’t even be happening.’”

Robbe pretended to take in his words, readjusting the bag strap on his shoulder as he thought of a reply. 

“What a dick move,” he eventually said. 

Luc nodded his head in agreement, “He’s been acting like this ever since you got injured. Something must be bugging him,” he paused to scuff his cleats on the grass beneath them, “but I’m not the one who’s going to try and figure it out.” 

Robbe had no response to that. He could only stare as his teammate jogged away to the second goalpost, getting ready to start their drills for the day, all while trying to analyze the new information he was given. 

Coach Peeters blew the whistle, signalling the start of practice. Jogging five times around the field, everyone took to their respective spots afterwards to enhance their specific skills. Attackers faced defenders. Goalies worked with other goalies. The only sounds one could hear was the mixture of shouts, whistles, and the collision of cleats to a ball. 

To bring everything together, Coach Peeters blew on his whistle again and called the entire team to Robbe’s net, instructing everyone that they were to shoot and try to score.

Every teammate took turns to run towards goal, making Robbe’s senses turn up tenfold to make no mistakes. Some tried to dribble around him while others took long-range shots. There were a few that Robbe was physically incapable of reaching but he managed to block most of them.

It was now Senne’s turn and Robbe tried his hardest to ignore the block of white hair that stood behind the captain. Senne flicked up the ball, doing that a few times before landing it firmly on the ground with his feet. He looked at Robbe, giving him a small smirk before bolting into a sprint. He dribbled as fast as he could, zigzagging across the space and Robbe spread his arms apart immediately as he got closer. Senne launched a heavy shot towards goal, and Robbe watched the ball like a hawk. As soon as he pinpointed the spot where it was going to land, Robbe jumped with all his might, catching the ball with ease and falling back on the floor with a thump. 

“Nice save,” Senne commented out of breath, grinning at him before opening his hands so Robbe could throw him back the ball. Once he took it, he jogged back over to the starting line where Robbe’s eyes met Sander’s own. His magnetizing green eyes didn’t budge away, even when Senne shoved the ball onto his chest. Sander only broke his gaze to place it gently on the ground, wiping off the excess dirt that lay on it. 

Robbe’s head was spinning and he still stood about thirty feet away from the boy. Sander picked himself back up, rolling the ball into little circles with his foot before finally stopping to a halt. He looked at Robbe once again, the curves of his lips teasing an alluring smile, and the last thing Robbe caught sight of before Sander started running was the quick front of a wink. 

The boy was _ fast. _

Faster than anyone else on the team. 

Already losing focus, it was already too late for Robbe as he realized Sander was already halfway down the space, dribbling hard yet poised as ever. 

Robbe’s brain screamed at him to do something and seeing that he already lost control of the situation, he only did what he always did when it came down to circumstances like this. 

So, he sprinted. He dashed across the field to reach the edge of the penalty box where Sander was already approaching. Robbe slid down hard onto the floor, pressing his cleats into the grass for leverage, tackling the striker and hopefully touching the ball. 

The two boys immediately collided, like two trains coming from opposite directions on the same railroad.

As soon as Robbe’s foot kicked the ball out of play, his legs soon tangled with Sander’s, causing the boys to tumble on to the ground, bodies entwining together. The momentum was so forceful, Robbe immediately gripped his hands around Sander’s waist, making sure the boy wouldn’t hit the surface so hard that it would leave a nasty bruise.

The two teammates groaned as they fell down. Sander dropped directly on top of Robbe, placing his entire weight on the goalie. Robbe kept his eyes shut in mild pain before he heard Sander lightly giggling, his breath dangerously close to Robbe’s own. Sander’s laugh was the most honeyed and melodious sound he had ever heard in his life. 

In the distance, he heard the team jokingly yell at the top of their lungs.

“PENALTY!” Senne screamed.

Luc hollered out, “Coach, pull out the red card!”

Robbe’s covered hands were still on Sander’s waist, quickly making both players blush with embarrassment. Sander slowly pulled himself off him, placing his own hands on top of Robbe’s gloves, brushing his thin, delicate fingers over it. He glanced at him with an unreadable expression before letting go. 

Immediately pulling his own hands back down to his waist, Robbe whispered a barely audible sorry before getting up himself, dusting off the dirt that covered him. 

By the time he stood up, Sander was already jogging back to the group of boys, high-fiving a couple of them and throwing his head back in laughter at a joke someone told him. 

Gathering himself and his emotions, Robbe slowly walked back to the net, fussing around with the straps of his gloves, pulling them on and off in a repeating pattern.

  
  


\---

  
  


As the end of practice neared, Robbe began to pick up the cones that stood near his post, topping them one over the other, before he peeked a tall figure out of the corner of his eye running towards him.

Breathlessly, Sander slowed down as he approached Robbe, a nervous smile masking itself on his face. 

“Hey.” 

“Hey?” Robbe responded, a weak grin gracing his features. 

“Um,” Sander paused,”I wanted to ask if I can go home with you after practice ends right now.”

Robbe perused the proposition, feeling the impending sign of a thunderstorm arriving as a single drop of drizzling rain landed on his forehead.

Sander fiddled his hands and continued, “I don’t have my key and my roommates won’t get home until later tonight.”

“Oh! Um...” Robbe was interrupted, feeling the droplets of water slowly increasing in number. 

“I was going to ask Britt, but that’s complicated,” he grimaced, “You live close by, right?” Sander asked, a hopeful expression beautifying his face. 

Robbe nodded his head while smiling, “I do.” 

A loud thunderbolt crackled in the air, and voices soon filled the air with concern. 

“Let’s wrap it up and go home!” Coach Peeters yelled.

“What about the cones?!” Luc yelled back. 

“Drop them! We can pick them up next time,” Senne explained, grabbing a random hoodie from the bench and covering his head with it. 

One by one, the athletes started to run away from the field in all sorts of directions, some back to the locker room, others back home, and so on, playfully shoving each other as they whooped and cursed at the sky. 

Robbe looked back at Sander who started to wipe the water off of his face, still grinning and unbothered as if it didn’t even exist. 

The stilled atmosphere between the boys changed as fast as the sky did, as a light drizzle transformed into a heavy downpour, leaving both boys drenched as their uniforms clung to their bodies. A turning point in time. A flip of the page at the climax of his favorite novel. It was as if the thick clouds descended upon the ground to envelope Robbe and all of his senses, leaving him to see nothing but all white.

Before he could react, Sander grabbed Robbe’s gloved hand, dragging the boy with him as he began to sprint away. 

“Come! Are you going to stay there the whole time?” Sander sarcastically scoffed, sending him a look of disapproval before dissolving into a fit of giggles. 

Robbe found no words for a response, so he only held Sander’s hand tighter as he kept up the pace with the bleached-blonde, both of them laughing hard and trying their hardest not to trip over their feet as they maneuvered their way around the heavy rain. 

Absolutely soaking, the water droplets traced sweet paths along Robbe’s exposed skin, none as saccharine as the feeling of Sander’s hand in his own. The boy ran ahead of him, constantly glancing back at Robbe to make sure he was okay. 

“Lead the way, okay?” Sander yelled over the resounding pitter-patter of water hitting everything around them,”To your house?”

Robbe nodded his head, taking the lead this time as he moved his feet faster with Sander in tow, knowing he didn’t want either of them to get a cold and potentially miss more games. 

Reaching the steps of his house, Robbe reluctantly let go of Sander’s hand as he went to shuffle the doorknob open, immediately embraced by the warmth of the fireplace and baked biscuits in the oven. 

He immediately noticed his Mama at the dining room table, chatting away happily with their next door neighbor, Mrs. Maes, and her daughter, Lucie. This happened more often than not, so Robbe had a good relationship with both of them. 

Noticing the two exhausted boys drenched in rain at her doorstep, Robbe’s Mama immediately excused herself and ran to where they were, grabbing a few towels from the bathroom that they could wrap themselves in. 

“Robbe! What happened?!”

“Sorry, Mama, we were at practice when the rain caught us. We ran as fast as we could,” he explained. 

“It’s okay,” she paused to look in Sander’s direction with a warm smile,”Robbe, do you mind introducing your new friend?”

“Right! Sorry, this is Sander. We play together on the same team at the university.”

“Oh, that’s so nice! I’ve never met one of Robbe’s teammates before,” she danced with excitement, immediately introducing herself to the boy.

Sander finally spoke, a shy tenor in his voice, “Well, I hope I leave a good impression.”

She rushed them to the kitchen soon after, introducing everyone at the table with each other. Once everyone settled down, they comfortably fell into light conversation.

“So, Sander, what do you like to do outside of classes?” Robbe’s Mama asked.

“I like to play football,” Sander laughed before adding, “I know, pretty obvious.” 

She smiled back at him before asking another similar question, “Besides that, is there anything you like to do outside of football?”

He thought about it for a few seconds. 

“I mean, yes, I guess,” he answered, “I really love to draw.”

Robbe immediately turned his head to look at the boy, nearly giving himself whiplash. He did not expect those words to come out of Sander Driesen’s mouth. 

“Oh! That’s so nice to hear! Do you have a specialty?”

“No, I do just about everything,” he paused,”I’m even studying graphic arts right now as my major.”

If a camera pointed directly at Robbe in that moment, it still wouldn’t capture the incredulous way he looked flabbergasted. It appeared as if a gust of wind knocked the living daylights out of him.

“Wow, Sander! That’s truly amazing. I will make sure to contact you if I ever want to make a commission. I would be ever the happiest to help.”

The boy shook his head in amazement, “You’re too nice. Thank you so much.”

Robbe put his head down, slightly ashamed he never bothered to ask Sander anything about himself outside of sports. 

The new information only fascinated him even more.

Despite his inner warnings to calm down, Robbe grew desperate and eager for just about anything else Sander would say, clinging on to each word he spoke. 

He wanted to know every single little thing about the boy who looked out of depth before coming in, yet quickly settled into conversation with his mother and neighbors.

_ What’s his favorite movie? _

_ What does he like to do on Saturday mornings? _

_ Did he ever hate football just as much as Robbe did when he was a child? _

The table continued to make small talk, with time passing to allow the boys’ clothes and hair to dry out. 

Turning to look at Robbe’s mother, Sander quietly asked, “Um, I’m sorry, but can I excuse myself to go to the bathroom? I have medication I need to take.”

“Of course, love, go ahead.”

As the boy disappeared behind the hallway, Robbe was shaken to the core by Lucie pounding on his shoulders.

“Robbe!” She hissed.

“Jesus, what is it?”

She prodded, “So that’s one of your teammates from that sport you play?”

“Yeah, did the matching uniforms give it away?”

“I mean, yeah, but I just wanted to say that he’s _ hot. _” 

“Lucie!” Her mother exclaimed, looking up from the beanie she was crocheting. 

Robbe rolled his eyes, “Okay, I’m leaving. I’m taking Sander with me too. We’ll be in my room, alright?” 

His mother crooned back, “Okay, sweetie, let me know when you want to eat.”

“I will, Mama,” Robbe replied, kissing her cheek quickly before leaving. 

He dashed out into the hallway, passing the bathroom just as Sander was leaving it. Robbe immediately grabbed his arm and dragged him towards his room. 

“Oh, did something happen while I was gone?” he teased. 

“They’re being annoying, that’s all,” Robbe responded.

... 

  
  


Once the two had settled into his room and mostly chatted about school and sports, Sander randomly asked Robbe, “Do you want to create our own little secret handshake?”

He added, “You know, like for when we see each other at practice and for celebrations during games?”

Robbe lightly laughed, “Really? I thought it was obvious you don’t have those with anyone on the team.”

“Just for you,” Sander sweetly replied, a softness in his eyes that Robbe had never seen before. And it made him melt like butter. 

The two eventually worked on one for two straight hours, arguing about what fit better and how long it should last. Once they decided on a pattern, they practiced it until they perfected it, leaving each other in heaps of laughter at the end. 

As Sander scrambled his hand around in his backpack, he pulled out a granola bar, unwrapping it before taking a small bite. 

Still chewing, Sander opened his mouth in realization and embarrassment, “I’m sorry,” he swallowed, ”is food allowed in your room?” 

Robbe nodded his head indicating it was okay, chuckling at how scared the boy looked.

Breaking the rest of the bar into two, he handed one over to Robbe, “You can have half.”

“No, no, it’s okay. Eat your bar.”

Sander rolled his eyes, “Take it, Robbe, you didn’t eat all during practice so...” he emphasized it one more time, “Take it.” 

“I promise it’s not poisoned,” Sander joked. 

Laughing to himself, Robbe hesitantly took it, taking a bite of the bar as he and Sander continued to watch each other with intensifying curiosity. 

\--

As they sat criss-crossed on the floor, Robbe was showing Sander his collection of necklaces when the older boy pointed to the one currently on his neck. 

“What about that one?” Sander asked, intricately eyeing the gold medallion with an engraved angel. 

“Oh,” Robbe shrugged, “My Mama gave it to me when I was younger. It’s the one I’ve had the longest.”

“It looks good on you,” he remarked, lifting his fingers to gently touch and caress the necklace to get a closer look. His skin on Robbe’s was enough to set flame to an entire forest. 

Robbe didn’t dare to breathe. 

…

Arguing on who did better under pressure during games, Robbe challenged Sander with a teasing glint in his eye that only made the older boy want to prove him wrong. 

“You definitely can not handle pressure, Sander,” Robbe emphasized.

“Yes, I can.”

“No, you can’t.” 

“Yes.”

“No.”

“Lay under me, then”

Robbe stuttered over his words, “W-what?”

“Lay on the floor and let me do the rest,” Sander instructed him. 

Robbe did as he was told, laying down on the floor and hoping to the heavens that he didn’t look as red as he felt. In fact, he was sure his heart was beating loud enough for Sander to hear. 

As soon as Robbe found a comfortable position, Sander immediately crawled up over his tiny body, hair still messy from practice, body inches away from the other boy’s. 

Gulping, Robbe squeaked out, “What are you doing?” 

Sander smiled, “I bet I can do ten push ups over your body right now without faltering.”

“What does that have to do with handling pressure?” Robbe whispered, licking his lips every two seconds with how quickly they were turning dry.

Sander responded, like it was an obvious answer that everyone knew, “Because you intimidate me sometimes. That builds pressure.” 

“I intimidate you?”

“Yes,” Sander clarified with a smirk, “Sometimes.”

Robbe didn’t say anything as Sander quickly pushed up and down, counting each one he accomplished. 

Whenever the platinum blonde pressed down, their faces would be so close, Robbe had to close his eyes in order to ignore the building pressure he felt at the pit of his stomach. 

The worst part was that Sander said nothing the entire time, letting a burning tension build between the two of them as he reached push up #10. 

Sander pushed down one last time, pupils dilated as they never left Robbe’s. If Robbe imagined it correctly, he swore he saw them dart down to his lips at least once. The air was thick, and Robbe needed Sander to move off of him before he reached up to desperately connect his lips with the boy’s own. If he did, what would Sander do? Would he kiss him back? Would he push Robbe away? 

Unfortunately for him, the moment to distract them came quicker than expected.

Their searing moment was cut short by numerous ping notifications coming from both of their phones. As Sander slowly moved off to lay over on the floor, Robbe decided he would be the one to stand and read what was being sent, nearly falling back down again once he got up. 

Noah: _ planning a bonfire tomorrow night for the whole team to celebrate robbe coming back. Since it’ll be on a friday, don’t make any excuses that you have classes the next day. Who’s able to make it? have to make a head count _

Senne: _ can’t make it _

Noah: _ dude wtf _

Senne: _ i already told you in person today i have plans with _ _ zoë _

Noah: _ shit, you’re right. My bad. _

Luc: _ I’m there _

Nathan: _ same _

A series of messages followed simultaneously after, indicating to Robbe that most of the team probably planned to be there. 

He checked again only when the noises stopped, reading the last two messages that Noah sent. 

Noah: _ robbe? _

Noah: _ sander? _

Still unsure of what he would do, Robbe shut his phone off again, sitting back down and focusing on the boy next to him who seemed dangerously close to dozing off. 

Robbe realized he was pretty worn out too, suggesting to Sander with a weak groan, “I’m really tired. I hope you don’t mind if I take a short nap here on the floor?” 

Sander shook his head in disbelief, “On the floor? Robbe, your bed is right there.” 

“I know, but-”

“No buts, move your butt to your bed.”

Robbe sighed, getting up to lay down on the comfy mattress. 

Sander stood up as well, sitting himself on the edge of the bed but close enough for Robbe to reach him. 

Robbe’s eyes were failing him, opening and closing at an alarming rate, signalling to him that he was close to a slumber. 

His drowsiness must have had some crazy effect on him, as the last thing he remembered doing before shutting down was grabbing ahold of Sander’s warm hand, a fleeting moment, yawning quietly, “Yoeu’r tirhhd too, guo to sleop.” 

\----

Slowly opening his eyes back up, Robbe stretched his arms out to yawn, looking at the clock on his dresser._ 21:12 _

But, he nearly buckled under his weight as he distinguished a warming presence right beside him. Sander was right there. His messy head of white hair lay on Robbe’s chest as he snored lightly, looking peaceful as ever. _ An angel. _

Unable to comprehend thoughts in his brain through the electric shocks jolting through his entire body, Robbe tried to scoot out as carefully as possible to not wake the boy up. He was nearly out of Sander’s grasp until the boy shifted around to snuggle even closer, unconsciously nuzzling his face into Robbe’s shoulder. 

Robbe was breathless. He couldn’t move. It was the most perfect position he had ever been in his life. 

But he knew it was getting late and Sander’s roommates would worry if he didn’t answer or call them back soon. 

So, Robbe hugged his hands around Sander’s waist, holding him tightly as he started to pull him upright against the headboard of his bed. As he did that, Sander groggily rubbed his eyes open, confused at the context of the situation at first but softly smiling at Robbe as he grew more aware. 

Robbe whispered, bashfully looking down, “It’s getting late. Your roommates may start to worry.”

Sander sheepishly looked back, admiring every single one of Robbe’s features before giving him a subtle grin. 

“Right.”

He got up to rummage through his sports bag as he turned on his phone, frowning at whatever he saw on the screen. Sighing to himself, Sander moved across the room to start packing his things up. 

“My roommates are back home.”

“That’s why you look so upset?”

“No, just,” the boy took a pained breath, “just personal bullshit happening with Britt.” 

“Oh, okay. Sorry.” Robbe said before continuing,”If you need to go now, I’ll take you outside.” 

“Yeah...let’s do that.” 

The boys walked side by side to the front door, passing by Robbe’s Mama who sat on the couch. Sander immediately crossed the room towards her, thanking her for the “unbelievable” hospitality and wished her a good night. 

Shutting the door behind him, the cool breeze of October winds immediately caressed Robbe’s whole being, leaving him feeling refreshed and nearly reawakened. But that still didn’t make him overlook Sander downcast eyes, who fumbled with his bag as he hung it over his shoulder. 

“Uh, I’ll see you Sander, have a good night,” Robbe said. 

“Yeah…” Sander paused, “Thanks for letting me stay over today.”

“Oh, no big deal,” Robbe smiled.

Smirking back at him, Sander asked, “Are you going to the bonfire tomorrow night?”

“Still thinking. Not sure yet, what about you?”

“I’ll go if you go.”

“_ Oh _.”

Sander was now looking directly at the boy in front of him, teasing Robbe with a flicker of want in his eyes. 

Robbe looked down again with a nervous laugh. He did not need to blush right now knowing he stood directly under a lamp that illuminated the entire porch they stood on. 

He managed to respond with a small smile, “I’ll go.”

Sander smiled back, licking his lips before sending Robbe a cute wave goodbye and turning away to head back home. 

Robbe didn’t leave the porch until the boy was out of sight, immediately sinking down the door to hug his knees, taking in a deep breath and shyly smiling to himself. 

His phone lit up a few seconds later. 

Jens: _ bro do you wanna go to the skate park tomorrow? _

Robbe: _ only if it’s immediately after school. I’ll be busy later at night _

Jens: _ any party i don’t know about? _

Robbe: _ just some crazy bonfire the team is putting together _

Jens: _ i’ll leave you to it then, have fun amigo _

_ \-- _

It was Friday afternoon and the orange hues of the sunset skies signalled Robbe to start getting ready to head to the city park. The location where the get together was going to take place was perfect, with plenty of space for them to stay close or venture off. 

Feeling as if this was the first time in a while that he wasn’t wearing his football jersey, Robbe opted for his casual hoodie look with his brown jacket on top. Also, he perhaps spent a little too much time in front of the mirror making sure everything about him looked presentable. 

He was giddy with excitement, and it scared him quite a bit.

Riding his bike to the park, he locked it on a nearby rack and quickly made it towards the group who were already sitting together in a circle around the fire. Greeting everyone, Robbe couldn’t help but notice the presence of two girls he had never seen before. 

One donned a short, black bob with killer bangs. She rocked a septum piercing and a couple of artistic tattoos that adorned her body. Introducing herself as Noor, Robbe found out quickly she was roommates with Sander, just like the girl who sat next to her. Engel, Robbe discovered, was slightly taller who styled her blonde hair into a high ponytail, wearing loose-fit mom jeans and a pastel pink sweater to accompany it. She was the complete opposite of Noor appearance-wise, but the two girls giggled together all night, basking in each other’s presence.

The whole night was filled with drunk laughter as his teammates joked around with another and casually prepared for the upcoming game they had on Monday night.

Robbe tapped his foot the entire time, turning around every few minutes to check whether a figure wearing their signature leather jacket and Doc Martens would pop up. He wasted time away by rubbing circles onto the dirt with his shoe. 

The figure never showed up.

The pain in Robbe’s heart worsened, as dramatic as it sounded, as the hours passed.

He was so caught up in his feelings, he never even noticed the multiple glances Noor and Engel sent his way the whole time they were there. Filled with curiosity, yet familiarity at the same time. 

Everyone’s chatter settled down at one point before Robbe heard one teammate, Bennie, ask, “What about Sander? I thought he was coming?!”

Noah took a swig of his beer bottle before answering, “I thought so too. He was all excited about it when he messaged me separately earlier today.”

Noor lifted her eyebrows in surprise as a sour expression took over her facial features, “Yeah, no. He’s with Britt.”

Luc whistled, “Ditching us for his girl? Fair play to him...fair play to him.”

Robbe grew more exhausted by the second.

“Shut up, Luc,” Nathan scolded before turning in the other direction, “Noor, how do you know?”

“Instagram is a powerful tool,” she murmured. 

Engel added, “I mean, we also live with him so...”

Pretending to nod his head at the news, Robbe pulled his phone out with strain. Opening the Instagram app, he searched Britt’s name, finding her immediately and clicking her profile.

Sure enough, she posted a photo around two hours ago, one where she clung onto Sander’s back in a piggyback position, arms wrapped around the boy’s neck all while pressing a kiss to his cheek. Sander looked directly at the camera with a wide grin. _ He looked happy, Robbe thought. _

With that, he closed the app and stood up to excuse himself. 

Taking a walk to calm himself, Robbe found himself standing at a pier that overlooked the entire river that ran through Antwerp. The lights of the overhead buildings glistened against the water, making it appear everflowing in its waves. The cold wind of the night bit at Robbe’s skin, making him hiss. _ This bonfire was meant for him _ , he thought. _ Why couldn’t he just stop thinking about Sander for one second and appreciate the gesture from his teammates? _

As Robbe walked back and approached the bonfire once more, the party already started to disband, with a few friends already hugging each other goodbye. Robbe wished he just agreed to go to the skatepark with Jens instead. 

Moving closer, Robbe peeked over Noah’s head as he saw a figure approaching, breathlessly running towards the guys in a sense of urgency. 

_ Oh God. _

“Sander!” Luc yelled, “You’re late, the bonfire’s over.” 

The boy paid no attention to Luc, eyes focused on one person and one person only. 

Sander ran up to Robbe, gripping his jacket sleeve so the boy could turn around to look at him and to move away from the rest of the crowd. 

Breathlessly, he greeted him in an apologetic tone, “Hey, Robbe,” his voice becoming more uneven and disheartened as he watched Robbe try to budge out of his hold, “Sorry, okay?” 

“I lost track of time drawing something for one of my classes,” he explained.

Robbe jeered at him, “Why do you feel the need to lie to me, Sander?”

“I’m not lyi-“ 

The brown-haired boy didn’t hear the rest, walking away quickly, only to find Sander right on his heel.

“Why don’t you believe me?!” 

Robbe’s feet stomped against the hard pavement, unable to form words with how fast his head was spinning. 

“Sander, you know I have social media, right? If you were gonna hang out with your girlfriend for the night instead, you could have just texted me about it,” Robbe finally let out with exasperation, moving forward as fast as his legs could take him.

Sander immediately moved to stand right in front of Robbe, stopping the boy in his tracks, and grabbed his shoulders for stability. 

“That’s completely unrelated,” he breathed out with a falter, “and something much more complicated.” 

“Okay. Whatever,” Robbe said, moving to take Sander’s hands off of his shoulders so he could finally walk away. 

“Really, Robbe?” Sander countered, “You’re not even going to listen to me when I try to explain it to you?”

“You’re not doing a very good job at it,” Robbe spat.

“And it matters to you this much, why?!”

Robbe stopped, turning to look Sander dead in the eyes. The boy’s hair shined like diamonds under the moonlight. His green eyes were dark, swirling with building anger and hopelessness. 

“Just leave me alone,” Robbe told him, expressionless. 

“Fine,” Sander gave in, “you win. I’m the asshole here.” 

Robbe was angry, an unknown emotion beginning to build up at the bottom of his heart, jumping out of his chest before he could stuff it back down. 

“Sander, you’re so-” he paused to find the right words, “You have the IQ of a fuckin-!” 

“Really, Robbe? You’re going to start throwing insults now!?”

“You don’t give me a choice. All you like to do is annoy me.”

“Right, so I was annoying you _ yesterday _?”

“Just shut up.”

“I don’t understand why you’re being like this. Is something bothering you?”

Robbe threw the question back, “Is something bothering _ you _, Sander? You’re the one who’s constantly yelling at teammates and teasing me to the point where I just want to quit the team. You make it unbearable.”

“So I’m the bad guy, right? I should just be a complete dick right now and tell you that’s why I’m passing all of my classes and you’re barely managing anything,” Sander snapped.

_ That was a lie, and it made Robbe furious. _

He began to prepare a long speech in his head, one where he would reveal all the times Sander ruined his day, his _ week _ , his ** _month_ **. Robbe wanted to scream at how wrong he was for even trying to make up lies. He was going to be the meanest he would ever be. He would spit hurtful words to the other boy’s face nasty enough so he could finally leave him alone for good. 

But those words never came out. 

He could only manage a weak whisper, “You literally don’t know anything about me, Sander.” 

“Neither do you, Robbe!” 

He felt as if everything around him was constricting itself smaller and smaller. Robbe couldn’t breathe. The words they had just spat out to each other were all so unnecessary and grew out of his control much too fast. All he wanted to do was go home and stuff his face into his pillows. Above all, he wanted to go back in time where this conversation had never happened. 

Sander was still glaring at him, eyes piercing through the imaginary shield of protection Robbe tried to guard himself with. After a few more seconds, he shoved his hands in his pockets and let out a laugh that Robbe could only discern as full of poison and disappointment, “Whatever. Focus on Monday’s game. I don’t have anything else to say.” 

Under his lidded eyes, Robbe watched the boy walk away, immediately wanting to call him back and reach his hand out to apologize. 

Instead, he only kicked his shoe against the pavement under him, nearly breaking the soles. 

\---

Robbe took the long way back home. He grew frustrated and angrily wiped his eyes once he realized the slightest of tears beginning to form. _ You are not going to cry over this, _ he told himself. 

In fact, the last time he cried was near the end of last year, when he opened his heart and finally told his Mama how he felt around boys and not girls. It took him the longest time to form words that day, dryness forming at the edges of his mouth and a sore throat to prove it. He never felt brave enough to do it, but once he did, he felt _ free _, and the feeling was so overwhelming, he sobbed the entire night in his Mama’s arms, who stayed with him to rub his back and soothe him in the way he was so familiar with. 

He reached his house around midnight, and he couldn’t help but look up at the damning night sky before he went inside, overwhelmed by its never ending darkness and clear terrestrial nature. An eternal gulf of black fog that threatened to kidnap him. 

_ I always fuck everything up. Why me? Robbe asked. _

A single shooting starlight flickered in the distance among the pool of nothingness, making Robbe’s eyes follow it until it dipped out of his margins. 

He weakly entered the home, tiptoeing quietly around knowing his Mama already fell asleep. Once he made it to his room, Robbe quickly changed into his pajamas and flopped onto the bed, deeply sighing as he stared at the single gold medal that tacked onto the wall near his Pink Floyd poster. He received it in his final year of high school after being awarded the best research experiment at the end-of-the-year science fair. Closing his eyes and shifting around, a series of ping notifications apprised him, forcing him to read whatever someone wanted to tell in the middle of the night. 

Sander: _ robbe? _

Sander: _ sorry _

Sander: _ i’m really sorry for what i said earlier. _

Sander: _ esp about you not being able to manage anything... _

Sander: _ that was a lie. _

Sander: _ ? _

Sander: _ i’m really fucking sorry _

Robbe couldn’t believe it. The words on the screen made him grip the electronic so tightly, he was afraid he would break the entire thing. He didn’t want to respond and he wasn’t planning on it, flicking the phone away from his touch to let him have a good night of sleep.

\--

As Monday rolled around, Robbe’s Mama couldn’t help but worry as she watched her son struggle to put jam on toast, dropping the spoon multiple times and muttering quick apologies under his breath. 

Robbe’s real head space seemed to be everywhere and nowhere at the same time. He spent the entire weekend locked up in his room, ignoring his friends’ invites to hang out outside and only agreeing to casually play Fortnite from the comfort of his own reclining seat. 

He checked his messages only a few times over the two days, purposefully avoiding the name he wanted to ignore. Sander had not sent him any more messages after the ones he sent late Friday night, deepening the imaginary crevasse that separated them even further and further. 

Robbe only had one class for the day after his Norwegian professor cancelled their 14:00 lecture, so he put on his best face in order to brave the cold and head to his morning lesson for Health & Psychology. 

The bags under his eyes were prominent as he gripped the door handles open towards the massive lecture hall, taking a seat in the farthest back corner of the room. He nearly dropped his books all over the floor as he wedged through a group of students trying to explain something to the teacher at the front, but managed to catch himself in time to avoid utter embarrassment. 

He finally settled himself into the seat, setting a timer on his phone for when class would end so he could quickly exit, knowing he had to wake himself up in some way to be alert for tonight’s game. 

Listening to Metronomy with his earphones fully in, he was minding his own business and almost didn’t see the blonde-haired girl approaching his bubble. 

Britt tapped Robbe on the shoulder, causing him to look up to see who was there. At the sight of her face, he visibly twitched, quickly stretching his arms out to mask it as a reflex. 

“Hi. Robbe?” The girl asked. 

“Um, hi. Yeah, that’s me.”

“You play together with Sander, right?”

Robbe nodded his head, unable to hide the confusion on his face as to why Britt was talking to him right now. All he knew was that the girl could appear friendly on the outside, but she was also the girl who spread rumors and nearly fought with Jens’ girlfriend, Jana, at a party about a year ago. 

Plus she was dating Sander. 

That part didn’t matter to him as much. 

She continued, “I know you guys have a game later today. I was just wondering if you could text Sander that I can’t make it?” 

“Um...you don’t have a phone to do that with?” Robbe asked with a quizzical look on his face. 

“I do, I do. It’s just that Sander’s been really distant this past weekend and hasn’t been texting me back. I’m always on his back about it, but he’s really firm about it this time.” 

Robbe’s eyes went mellow for a second, returning sharply to a more guarded look as he answered her, “I’ll be completely honest with you. I’m not really on good terms with him either right now.”

She pulled a few strands of her hair behind her ear and pushed the topic some more, “Could you maybe text one of your other teammates to do it, then?”

Robbe hesitated, unsure if he wanted to help but knew he would come off as an asshole if he refused, “Uh, okay, sure. Is there a reason you want to add or should it be that you just won’t make it?”

“I’m busy, that’s all,” was the only thing she said before turning around and walking back to her seat.

The boy felt a strange bile rise up from the bottom of his throat, eventually subsiding and he had to close his eyes to relieve the stress he felt. 

Once the professor signalled the end of class, Robbe’s timer went off just on time, prompting him to flee the room like a cheetah on the hunt for _ anything _that would bring him a sense of reality. 

\---

Making it back home and closing the door to his room, he spent the next few hours listening to his “Pump Me Up” playlist to rattle off his nerves and mentally prepare for the kickoff that closely approached. 

Robbe knew shit was going to hit the fan again as soon as his eyes met Sander’s, so he did everything humanly possible to delay his arrival at the university, ranging from cooking with his Mama to texting Jens to grabbing slime he found hidden in the cupboard of the kitchen and dissecting it with his hands, eventually throwing it in the trash. 

Knowing if he delayed it a second longer, Coach Peeters would find any excuse to make sure Robbe would be the last player to leave the pitch once the game was over, so he haphazardly gathered his belongings, nearly tripping as he ran out the door to leave. He jogged as much as his legs could pull through, ignoring the messages that he felt buzzing at the bottom of his uniform shorts. The group chat was most likely prepping their pep talk and Robbe did everything in his power to act as if everything was normal. If things got worse than this, he wouldn’t know what to do. He would be clueless as if he were stuck in the middle of a desert. 

As he got closer, Robbe finally made out the familiar field he was so used to playing on, already seeing a few spectators take their seats. _ The Viper’s Burrow. _ That’s the nickname the team gave their home arena, the name spreading so rapidly around campus that it quickly held and stuck.

He fastened his pace, forgetting the jog and jolting into a sprint. Opening the door specifically meant for athletes and staff, Robbe pulled his head down and whispered a quiet sorry as Coach Peeters glowered down on him, sporting a permanent scowl on his face. 

He pulled out his phone quickly, mindlessly opening the first message he read on his screen. 

Jens: _ robbe, we’re on our way now! _

Moyo: _ can’t miss our boy’s first game back after injury ;) _

Jens: _ should we bring an extra bottle of beer in case we all go home together? _

Aaron: _ wait, did you bring me one too? _

Jens: _ aaron wtf of course i did _

Moyo: _ let us know, robbe _

He smiled, typing back a short response and reluctantly walking into the dressing room. 

_ Robbe: yes haha, bring two extra in case we lose _

The locker room was damp and covered in fog as the heat from the shower water descended down the walkway. There were a few boys changing already by their lockers, pulling up socks over their legs followed by tying the laces of their cleats. 

Robbe first heard David, the team’s starting right attacking winger, loudly laugh at something someone said, spotting Robbe as he entered and immediately shouting, “Robbe! Noah over here says I can’t do a rainbow flick, but you’ve _ seen _me do one, haven’t you? I need this guy to shut up.”

Robbe nodded his head and mumbled a quick yeah, not paying much attention to the words being spoken to him at that moment. _ Why did he have to yell so loud? _

Now everyone knew he had arrived and one of those included Sander. 

He ran to his locker and quickly put away his things, overhearing Luc tell Nathan that whoever scores tonight should pull an Erling Håland and do his signature meditation celebration. Nathan groaned in response, replying that they should all do Paulo Dybala’s iconic mask instead. 

Robbe’s ears drowned out the conversation as he went to grasp the ends of his hoodie, pulling it up over his forehead, leaving him shirtless. Reaching his hand over to grab his jersey to put on, he started to panic once he fumbled through his bag and found nothing. Cursing to himself, Robbe’s eyes darted all over his locker. _ Nothing. _

He would have to ask the coaching staff for a replacement jersey for the night, but Robbe knew Coach Peeters would reprimand him about it at the end of the match. At this point, there was nothing else he could do and he couldn’t believe how careless he had been to forget it. 

Knowing there was no point in staring inside his locker any longer, Robbe shut it closed, mumbling nonsense to himself as he turned around. 

However, nothing could prepare his heart for how fast it shut down once he spotted Senne and Sander near the entrance, all ready and decked out in full uniform. Sander’s hair was still wet from the shower he probably took earlier and if Robbe pretended hard enough, he could imagine he wasn’t actually there. Proving to be near impossible, the older boy’s eyes were already fixed on him, a gaze so intense that Robbe had to look away after nearly half a second. He was turning red and his muscles began to contract, but he was still so _ upset _ with the boy who continued to stare. His eyes never left Robbe, not even glancing at Senne as he continued to talk to him, only focused on watching the brown-haired boy dart across the room to leave. 

Robbe was able to get a temporary goalie jersey from the assistant coach, quickly putting it on to start changing into everything else. By the time he finished, kickoff was less than ten minutes away. He ran to where Coach Peeters was gathering everyone together, giving them one last final pep talk before allowing them to leave and start lining up. 

The starting players took their position in the tunnel, all filing one behind another as they formed a straight line. They were sporting their signature red-and-white jerseys with _ Antwerp U _embroidered on the lower back, accompanied with matching red-and-white shorts. Since goalies always wore different colors, Robbe was the only one who stood out amongst them, wearing a black-and-yellow jersey instead with black gloves to match it. He tried to fix messy hair right beforehand, but rendered it impossible knowing he was going to be moving around a lot. 

Walking out onto the pitch, the fluorescent lights of the overhead lamps hum-buzzed in Robbe’s brain, leaving him a little woozy, but he managed to recover. 

“Robbe’s back, okay guys?!” Senne encouraged everyone before continuing to speak in their own little huddled circle, “Defense and midfield, keep everything under control and we’ll win this. Whenever you find an open space, pass it, for the love of god.” 

Clapping his hands together for a grandstanding finish, the team screamed together at the top of their lungs before running to their positions. 

Jogging to his goal post for the first half, Robbe took a deep breath in and closed his eyes, taking in the autumn scent of falling leaves and fresh air. He promised himself he would not open them until he was ready to fully focus on the game ahead of him, forgetting everything else in his life at the moment, even if it was only for the next 45 minutes. 

The ref blew the whistle, and the game started to roll. 

Luckily for him, the first few minutes were uneventful, with everyone passing the ball around to get comfortable with the opponent and try to gauge them. 

David scored the first goal of the game, outsmarting an offside trap the other team tried to implement, but ultimately failed with. 

Watching the boy slide on his knees to the corner flag to celebrate, Robbe grinned widely as he saw the scoreboard blink to 1-0. 

He made a few saves here and there, but Robbe mostly focused on being the eyes and ears on the field, communicating with his defense players and midfielders about correct positions they should move to or instructions to change formations in order to prevent an oncoming attack. 

In the 44th minute, Robbe kicked the ball out far, where two players headed it towards a promising position that Antwerp U could exploit. However, he was unable to see what caused a scuffle between Nathan and an away player, leaving his defense wide open and Robbe ultimately defenseless. He could only try and block the shot that soared his way. 

The ball landed in the very top right corner, swinging into the net with exact precision. Seeing the scoreboard flip the scoreline to 1-1 infuriated him to no end. Cursing profanities under his breath, Robbe was disappointed and frustrated at the loss of a clean sheet.

The halftime break came and left quickly, with Coach Peeters instructing everyone on what to switch in the second half, hoping that they could take advantage of tired legs and try to liven up the pace so they wouldn’t be able to keep up. 

Both teams remained passive in the second half, with not many chances on either side. 

However, the arena seemed to gravitate on itself around the 78th minute, with deafening cheers intruding themselves into Robbe’s ears. It was as if the ground shook beneath him. He saw the whole team running towards the opposite goal, and Robbe knew once he saw the cloud of white hair dangerously close to the net, they would be winning tonight.

In less than five seconds, the ball was at the back between the away team’s goalposts, and the whole crowd erupted in cheers, bouncing up and down in unison. 

Robbe saw Sander run to hug Hugo, crashing into him so hard they fell to the floor. Most of the players followed suit, one piling on top of the other laughing and screaming. 

He cautiously stayed by his net to protect against any potential counterattacks, so Robbe could only clap his hands together to celebrate the current 2-1 score, trying his hardest to not roll his eyes. 

_ They were winning, dammit, and that’s all that mattered. _

Once the referee blew the whistle to signal the end of the game, Robbe whispered a silent prayer to himself. One game down. Three more to go.

He only hoped this would be the hardest one they had to face. 

Seeing his teammates start to celebrate all over the field and gather their belongings, some ran back to the locker room while others stayed a bit to chat.

Robbe wanted to avoid mostly everyone, and especially wanted to escape the wrath of Coach Peeters about his forgotten jersey, so he ran over to the home section of fans to see if he could find his friends.

He spotted Jens, Moyo, and Aaron waving wildly from the bleachers, jokingly blowing him kisses and dancing to the music that was now blaring through the speakers.

Robbe smiled at the sight, fastening his pace to meet up with them. 

The group of boys were walking down the stairs and Robbe was close enough to touch them before he heard a voice come from behind him. 

“Robbe!”

Turning around, Robbe’s entire nervous system shut down at the sight of Sander squeezing his way in between a crowd, desperately calling out for him. Once he spotted Robbe, Sander blinked in surprise but gathered himself quickly to try and meet him. 

The brown-haired boy immediately turned back around, forcefully gripping Aaron’s sweater to drag them out of the arena. 

“Hey!” Aaron yelped.

Sander was getting closer and Robbe’s heart was nearly out of his chest. 

“Robbe, listen to m-”

He didn’t hear the rest of whatever Sander had to say, taking the impulse decision to start running with his best friends behind him doing the same, albeit doing it extremely confused. 

\--

Robbe forgot much of the night that followed after, drinking his annoying sorrows down with Jens, Moyo, and Aaron, waiting until past midnight when he was sober to finally walk home. 

In his bedroom, he turned his phone back on, revealing a stream of notifications that overwhelmed him to a breaking point. Going to his messages, he specifically looked for Sander’s name and saw he had two unread texts. 

Sander: _ robbe, can you please stop ignoring me? _

Sander: _ at least let me try to apologize to you in person _

Robbe’s breath wavered with a quiver. His heart was beating quickly, making his head grow hot and pain begin to emerge. Believing he could be the bigger person, he realized how stupid it sounded once he typed out what he wanted to say. Instead, he deleted the entire message and began to furiously type a new one, pushing the send button as fast as his fingers let him.

Robbe: _ congrats on scoring the winning goal today _

Robbe: _ it was a good game _

Immediately throwing his phone across the room as if it were some unwanted trinket, he snuggled himself with all of the blankets that lay on his bed and pushed his head in between the pillows. He pressed himself even harder against the surface as he heard several pings begin to pop off from his phone, the resonance of his notifications soon all blending into one monotonous sound, lulling Robbe into a sleep he never wanted to wake up from.

  
  
  
  



	2. blow of the whistle

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *this is another long one, be prepared!
> 
> This chapter explores a double POV, please let me know if works or not! 
> 
> Warnings for this chapter (!!!) : explicit cursing, drinking, snippets of emotional/physical abuse

Sander Driesen always had the creative eye. 

Ever since he was young, Sander drew and drew until his hands pained him to continue. For him, art was the natural anchor to all the things that made living so wonderful. It was rare for Sander’s parents to see him without paint splattered on his hands or splashed a bit in his hair. It was as much a part of him as the romantic smile he always wore. 

Sander always thought his eye to detail was what made him so good as a striker. He took in more components of the game, the field, and the ball than the average person. His natural ability to pick out the perfect pass was his best strength. Needless to say, he took it in as a second talent. 

He practiced and practiced until he became a local star. It was a good feeling, Sander thought, to do something that people could love you for. 

He viewed the world as an open canvas, and he wanted so badly to paint it with an open heart, mind, body, and soul. He didn’t judge anyone or anything, because it was all the same to him. He viewed everything as parts of life that were each equal and necessary. The art of the world was at his fingertips. 

It wasn’t until he was officially diagnosed with bipolar disorder at the age of thirteen that he felt as if the canvas crumbled right in front of him. 

He grappled with it for a long time, unable to understand when he was in the hospital and found his parents next to him sniffling while holding his hand. 

Sander managed to figure out that his mania made him optimistic about everything. Someone could crash a car through a building and he would believe it to be a perfect time to build something new. He realized he was often at his most creative during that process, so he did everything in his power to capitalize off of it. Artistic or constructive, Sander was up for anything. 

And sometimes he just talked. Sander felt as if he was all over the place, dominating the conversation. His first girlfriend in middle school, Alice Pauwels, told him he talked too fast and switched topics so quickly it was hard for her to keep up with him. Then she broke up with him the following day. 

Sander felt like he couldn’t keep up with himself. 

He then managed to figure out that his depression often made him want to be alone. Isolated from everyone and everything. Sander didn’t want to be by himself, but he just wanted everyone else to disappear. No matter what he did, it always felt like people were telling him he was doing something wrong. The easiest way for him to feel better was to hide. 

The topic of love captivated him when he was young, eager to be friends with everyone and kiss their cheeks hello and goodbye. 

Sander lost his captivation with it as he grew older.

Every single friendship he went through, it always left him feeling like he messed something up. Whether he came across too blunt or even too caring, Sander felt like he suffocated everyone around him.

When he was around fifteen years old, Sander played in a football camp over the summer. He met a boy while he was there, Leon, who he often snuck out of practice with to chill together at a nearby park.

One day, both of them were feeling extra sneaky. Sander realized he had developed some types of feelings for Leon. He wasn’t sure if it was a crush, but he couldn’t hide his excitement when the boy dragged him behind a tree to hide. They were out of breath and only stared at each other in exhaustion. The two boys couldn’t help but close their eyes as they both leaned in for a short kiss. 

Sander didn’t really know what he did wrong when he came to practice the next day and found out that Leon had quit the team, listing _ dissatisfaction _as the main reason for leaving. 

Love lost its meaning for Sander over time. As he experienced several episodes throughout high school, he realized he only had his parents to lean on. Most of his friends slowly distanced themselves and he didn’t blame them.

He backed away from everyone, only losing himself in his art and sports. He thought it would be better to lay alone with his thoughts than to feel like a burden to someone else.

Then, he signed his contract to play for Antwerp U. 

Then, he moved in with Noor and Engel. 

And then he saw _ Robbe _.

Sander had never been so mesmerized by a boy. 

Time stood still when they saw each other for the first time. Sander couldn’t stop staring even though his mind yelled at him to stop. Robbe bashfully looked down, and it was the cutest thing Sander had ever seen. The boy was slightly shorter, yet everything about him felt grand in scope. Robbe laughed all the time during practice, attracting everyone around him like a magnet. His brown, messy hair was soft to the touch and Sander just wanted to run his fingers through it all. 

Sander was so intimidated by Robbe that he ended up ignoring the boy for a long time. He only ever did it because he knew he wouldn’t be able to look into his eyes without going weak and losing his voice. 

Then Robbe also stopped trying to talk to Sander, and it nearly broke his heart. Realizing his actions, Sander tried everything in his power to build some type of relationship with the boy again. For him, it always fell back on his habit of making jokes and teasing in order to cope. 

Sander knew love could be limitless, knowing no restraints or boundaries. He never believed it to be possible for him, but looking at Robbe made Sander feel things he never felt before.

After pining for the boy for almost two and a half years, Sander only felt despair when he saw Robbe leaving practice one day with his arms hooked around a random girl.

Sander sulked away from the field that day, dropping his things off at his apartment quickly before heading to a bar. 

He drank a lot that night.

He wanted to forget Robbe so badly, he barely flinched when a pretty, blonde-haired girl walked up to him, noticing the tattered football uniform he still wore. She immediately started flirting.

Sander flirted back, a bit tipsy but able to catch her name when she introduced herself. _ Britt. _

She took his hand with hers and dragged them outside. They made out for a bit until Sander realized he just wanted to go home. He was able to do it, but not without Britt managing to add her number to his phone. 

When Sander told Britt he had bipolar disorder, she didn’t look at him with a look of uncertainty, but rather sympathy. It was the first time someone who wanted a relationship didn’t leave him, so he clung onto the feeling. He desperately wanted the feeling of being in love.

But Sander never felt love. 

He recognized in dismay how his heart never raced around her. He never felt the urge to devote parts of his creativity to her.

Sander knew he never truly got over his pull towards Robbe. He would sometimes hold hope whenever the boy glanced at him during practices or in the locker rooms, but it often blew out like a flame. 

Whenever he scored a goal, he felt on top of the world. His team would all wrap their arms around him as they screamed in celebration, but Sander’s eyes always looked far out across the field to find Robbe. _ Always. _

For Sander, looking at Robbe felt like a watercolor sunrise. From afar, he saw pure beauty. But upon closer examination, he saw delicate, fascinating imperfections, and no matter how hard he tried, those tiny imperfections captivated his entire being. 

\----------

Robbe often found it hard to wake up sometimes. 

The feather light touch of Sander’s fingers brushing up against his own spun him in his own wild fantasies, bewitching him under an unbreakable spell. His beguiling smirk --- a hidden treasure trove filled with the finest riches and fortune --- threatened to send him over, the tease of his lips inviting Robbe to _ just _lean in and taste them. The boy’s remarkable eyes struck him the hardest, blinking fast as if he were his own camera, capturing every single feature of Robbe that he possibly could, desperately asking for more. The green-hued rings were an orbit, circling fast before stopping right on Robbe’s own brown-doe eyes. The younger boy liked that he could keep these moments stuffed in the innermost parts of his heart, protected for only his use. 

His riveting dreams always stopped at the same interval, just as he leaned forward to wrap his arms around Sander’s neck, bringing him forward to finally get the kiss he so pleadingly wanted.

As his body shook him awake, a near-death experience for Robbe, he couldn’t help but whimper at the loss of everything. _ Was he really so desperate for love that he longed for someone he couldn’t have? _

If that were the case, he knew he would make better efforts to start looking around and talking to more people, start flirting here and there. But whenever he tried, Robbe’s mind only brought him back to the same face that haunted his dreams. A face that haunted his dreams so beautifully it left him in a state of reckless fury, unable to escape the abandonment of hope he wanted to avoid. 

The feelings of loneliness that tugged on his heart made him feel like the only person in the world, struggling to find the reason for his existence and his place in the grand scheme of things. The universe was not often kind to Robbe. Maybe that’s why he longed for something more, for _ someone _he could lean on. Someone who he could tell his deepest, darkest fears to without worrying that they could leave him the next day. 

Maybe that's the reason he desperately avoided hookups and one night stands. The thought of giving himself to someone without having them there the next morning terrified him. Robbe could always put up the facade that he didn’t really give a shit, but the truth is, it was the only thing he cared about. 

He didn’t understand why his thoughts always traced back to Sander Driesen. The chance to be with a boy like that escaped through his fingers as soon as they signed their contracts to play for Antwerp U. The chance got buried even further in the dirt when Sander apparently hooked up with Britt at a party and had been dating each other ever since. He wasn’t sure. He didn’t ask for all of the details. 

Robbe wondered why he still had a tiny sliver of hope finding Sander wrapped up in his arms the other day in his bed. But then he remembered everything that tumbled afterwards, the ugly words they threw to each other the night of the bonfire and Robbe’s insistence to avoid him and his apologies for as much as possible. 

Sander Driesen probably hated Robbe by now, and it was time for him to accept it.

\-----

Robbe’s lonely thoughts in the morning brought him to a still, only staring up at the ceiling from his bed as he continued to sulk.

He thought he could go ballistic if he didn’t stop. Robbe couldn’t go more than five minutes without his mind going back to images of the platinum blonde, his eyes filled with regret and tribulation. He couldn’t go more than three minutes thinking about how perfect Sander fit with him on his bed, snuggled closer than Robbe and his Mama when he still believed monsters lived in his closet. He couldn’t go more than a minute thinking about Sander’s real touch, the one that existed outside of his dreams. It ignited an entire fire within him and he never wanted to extinguish it. 

He couldn’t stop thinking about the boy, and it drove him wild. Robbe had typed and deleted about thirty different messages after he got up and washed himself, ones where he apologized, others where he asked to meet up again, others of funny memes, and so on. He didn’t think any of them were appropriate, so he shut his phone after an hour of drafting. Robbe had been so dedicated to the task, his eyes nearly bugged out of his head once he realized he was going to be late for his class. 

So, he grabbed the closest piece of clothing he could find --- an oversized navy blue sweatshirt --- and tugged it over his head, running towards the door without forgetting his beanie so he could hopefully enter class and not make a complete fool out of himself in front of Yasmina. 

Nearly yanking the door into the classroom open, he mumbled a quick apology to the professor as he sat down next to his close friend, who glanced at him only slightly before turning her attention back to the board. 

The lesson ended after thirty minutes in which Robbe took the opportunity to finally talk.

“Hey, do you want to head to lunch after this?”

“I wish,” Yasmina sighed, starting to pile her books one of top of the other to begin packing up, “But I have a meeting with the Health Club right after this. You know, the one that Professor Dupont recommended us to join?” 

Robbe nodded his head, “Yeah.” 

“How is it?” He asked.

“Really fun, actually,” Yasmina smiled, unclicking her pen and turning towards Robbe, “It would have been great if you came as well.” 

“I know. I wish I could. I’m just…” he paused, “I’m just so busy with sports and a whole bunch of other shit I’m dealing with.” 

“Mhm,” Yasmina hummed, “Nothing having to do with a platinum blonde, am I right?”

Robbe looked up in confusion, “What?” 

“Nothing.”

“Wait, Yasmina, tell me.”

The girl only giggled before opening her mouth again to speak, “You know the teacher gave us back the projects today? At the beginning of class.”

“Don’t change the subject, please.”

She continued, “We did well, Robbe. Though, they did mention the second half should have been better organized in presentation.”

Expressively moving her hands around, she added, “You know, like less crinkles and evidence that it had clearly been rough handled.”

Robbe rolled his eyes, “I get it, Yasmina.”

Laughing again to herself, the girl took a sip of her water bottle, looking at Robbe with a funny expression. 

He rolled his eyes back even further, “Fine, don’t tell me. Have fun at the meeting, I’m gonna go.”

“Wait, Robbe,” Yasmina finally gave in, tugging his arm back to face her.

“I like to joke around with you. Sorry,” she apologized, taking a breath in as she said, “I was in here by myself waiting for you and class to start. You don’t even want to imagine my face when a certain,’he-definitely-likes-you,’ guy walked in and immediately came up to me.”

Robbe eyes widened in surprise. Maybe Sander didn’t truly hate his guts just yet. He knew by now the other boy would do anything in his power to truly apologize to him. Robbe just wasn’t sure if he was ready to listen. 

“And?” He finally asked.

“Tsk, tsk, Robbe,” Yasmina playfully scolded him, but continued on with the story, “Well, the obvious happened and he asked for you. I told him I didn’t know where you were, but it wasn’t like you to be late or miss class.”

_ I was too busy dreaming about him _, Robbe thought. 

“Oh.”

“Yeah,” she replied before adjusting her scarf to look directly at him, a sad expression gracing her features, “He looked absolutely exhausted, Robbe.”

Robbe only stared, so Yasmina put her hand on his shoulder, “This is the part where you tell me what’s going on, because I’m your friend and I want to help.” 

Robbe furiously shook his head, unable to form thoughts, “It’s too complicated. Trust me. I’m sure I’ll figure it out by practice this afternoon.”

“Are you sure?”

“No.”

Yasmina sighed, “Then let me help you!”

She asked another question, “Did you two, like, get in a fight or something?”

Robbe groaned, leaning on his chair so he could face the ceiling, “Something like that.”

“You guys can’t just apologize to each other?”

He mumbled random words under his breath, before muttering, “He hurt me, Yasmina. I don’t feel like talking to him just yet.”

Lifting her eyebrows, the girl said, “Well, you have no choice if you’re seeing him at practice later today, I’m assuming?”

She continued, “Listen to what he has to say. If you still can’t get over it, well, you can move on and never speak to him again.” 

_ Robbe wished he could move on. _

\---------

The goalie walked over to the field with most of the equipment in tow, feeling the beginnings of a bruise forming on his shoulder with how hard the strap was digging into it. He threw everything on the ground once he made it, stretching himself and gently massaging the sore. 

He felt a bit more relaxed than in the morning, with the light breeze and sunlight hitting him directly. It was a beautiful day, warm enough for Robbe to forget that the leaves had fallen off most of the trees, leaving them bare and signalling how close winter approached. 

He was busy putting on his gloves when a slew of whistles turned his attention back towards the building, where he found most of the team walking out and patting a certain blonde on the back. 

“Save the PDA for after practice!” Noah boomed, giggling as he ruffled Sander’s hair. 

Bennie joined along, “If I had a girl like that, I sure wouldn’t.”

Robbe didn’t have to hear more to understand what they were implying, and the same feeling he tried so hard to suppress in his yelling match with Sander a few days ago, came rushing back. 

He looked one last time at the group, finding Sander’s eyes on him immediately. The boy’s smile fell instantaneously, looking down as he fiddled with the ball in his hand. 

Rolling his eyes at the sky, Robbe lightly groaned and began the walk towards his net. He just needed to do his drills with Luc and get the practice over with. 

His walk got cut short, though, not even walking five feet before he got interrupted. His mind was reeling so fast, he almost didn’t hear Coach Peeters shout at him.

“Robbe! Come back here! We’re starting off with paired exercises, instead.”

The boy turned around reluctantly. He scolded himself as he walked back, noticing that his teammates were already moving around to find partners. 

Robbe wished he hadn’t taken so much time _ dragging _ himself over that there was barely anyone available once he made it. Even Luc paired off with Senne in the distance, laughing with each other as they messed with the resistance band. 

He wasn’t even remotely surprised when he found Sander still without one, looking at him expectantly until Coach Peeters absentmindedly shoved them towards each other. 

“Robbe, you can go with Sander. Hurry up, we don’t have time to be standing around today,” he quickly instructed. 

Angrily yelling at everyone inside his head, Robbe pretended as if they didn’t exist, taking a resistance band and walking over to a spot empty enough that he and Sander could get started. 

The other boy reluctantly stood in front of Robbe as he watched him set everything up, not saying a single word.

“We can start with band jumps,” Robbe flatly stated. 

“Okay,” was all Sander said as Robbe looped the resistance band around the other boy’s waist, making Sander turn so he could face away. Holding one end on each hand, Robbe stared at the grass as Sander jumped forward, creating light tension in the band. 

When it was Robbe’s turn, he made sure to jump by bending his knees, sending his hips back and keeping his core tight. He naturally swung his arms for added momentum. Landing lightly on his toes, he continued doing this until Coach Peeters called for a switch in exercise. 

“We can do partner pistol squats next?” Sander quietly suggested. 

Robbe shrugged his shoulders as if he didn’t have a care in the world, “Okay.” 

“You need to have trust for this move,” Sander added.

“Then maybe we should try a different one,” Robbe snapped, moving further away so he could dig his cleats into the ground. 

The boy sighed, “Robbe…”

Grateful for the whistle that Coach Peeters blew, Robbe immediately walked away, starting a jog towards his net. He knew he was acting like a child, forgetting everything that Yasmina told him to do in the morning and only making things worse for himself. But he couldn’t get the image of Sander out of his head. Sander in his uniform. Sander kissing Britt right before practice started. Sander trying his hardest to be civil when he threw those words to Robbe the other night. 

It angered him to the point where he just felt _ tired _, his legs nearly giving out under him in exhaustion. 

Practice dragged even slower by the single thoughts that tossed him back and forth like a rag doll. He was fighting his own inner battles all while trying to block the shots that soared his way. He didn’t do as well as he wanted to, letting in more goals than letting out. 

“Fuck!” Robbe cursed under his breath, watching a shot that Hugo kicked from close range roll inside the net. 

Coach Peeters pulled him aside afterwards, holding his shoulders as he sent him a look of sympathy, “Is your mind somewhere else today?” 

Robbe looked down at the ground, “I don’t know. No. Maybe...I-I just think I need a break right now. Can I go home a bit early?” 

The coach pondered the question for a few seconds, “I wouldn’t let you go knowing you forgot your jersey at our last match and tried to escape me from talking about it, but,” he looked his goalie up and down, “You look like a mess, Robbe. Go home and get some rest.”

He quietly thanked his coach as he removed the gloves off his hands, obliviously throwing them into his bag that lay right next to the net. He heard Coach Peeters yell at the team to start heading towards the opposite end of the field for their next set of drills, and Robbe’s mind eased in relaxation as the shouts and yell of his teammates became less and less loud. Once they were far away enough, Robbe only heard the light rustle of the wind as it blew past him. 

“Robbe?”

At the sound of his voice, the goalie nearly fell over as he turned around to find Sander still there, walking slowly as he approached with a look in his eyes that Robbe couldn’t read.

“Um, yeah?” 

Sander was having trouble finding words, opening his mouth for a second before closing it again to think of something better.

“I may have forgotten my keys again,” he finally said. 

Robbe grabbed his bag and threw it over his shoulder, fiddling with the pockets to make sure everything was zipped up, “Tough luck.”

Sander nodded his head, “Yeah.”

The older boy fixed his hair and adjusted his uniform in earnest before adding, “Do you mind if I come over again?” 

Lifting his eyebrows in absolute surprise, Robbe shook his head, laughing to himself a bit before growing a little exasperated, “Not today, sorry. I won’t be home until later tonight.”

“Oh.”

Robbe tried his hardest to ignore the look of disappointment in Sander’s eyes, eyes that nearly looked glossy as he thought of something else to say.

“Sorry. I’m sure someone else wouldn’t mind letting you stay over.”

“I’m also sorry for acting like an asshole earlier,” was the last thing Robbe said before turning around and walking away from the field, playing with his hands over and over again to avoid the urge of screaming at the sky that he couldn’t just accept another invitation to hang out with Sander. Everything felt different between them. Everything felt horrible. Everything had turned to absolute shit.

\-----

Feeling the pressure of guilt upon him knowing he made a dumb excuse to avoid saying yes to Sander’s question, Robbe took a detour and decided he would hang with Jens for a few hours. At least then he wouldn’t feel as if he lied straight through his teeth to the other boy. 

Going up the steps of the quaint little cottage home painted in light yellow, Robbe rang the doorbell in three quick, small pushes, acknowledging to Jens that it was him at the door. 

Less than thirty seconds later, the door swung wide open, revealing his best friend in a large grey hoodie and matching sweatpants, yawning as he motioned Robbe to come in.

He hesitated at first, “Should I come tomorrow instead? You look tired.” 

Jens shook his head vehemently, “No, no! Come in, Robbe, seriously. We can go down to the basement.” 

Making their way down the stairs, Jens plopped himself onto an old couch as he rummaged around to find his controllers. 

“They were right here,” Jens breathed out, cursing to himself as he became more annoyed. 

Robbe laughed, “It’s okay. We don’t have to play.”

“Do you want to talk instead?”

“Sure,” Robbe agreed, taking the seat next to Jens as he dropped his bag and got comfortable. 

Throwing his hands back behind his raven-black hair, the boy asked, “Well, what’s up?”

Robbe only shrugged his shoulders in response, not really knowing how to answer the question. 

Jens turned to face him directly from the side, “Seriously, how’s everything, Robbe?”

“Fine.”

“You’ve barely said a word since coming here,” he said before continuing, “And you look worse than when we got stuck in that elevator for three straight hours.” 

Robbe sighed, “I don’t know, okay?” 

He slouched down a bit, making his feet hit the ground, “I’ve been feeling really tired lately. I came home early from practice today because of that too.” 

“That’s good,” Jens answered before quickly correcting himself, “I mean, I just thought something happened with your dad or something.”

Robbe rolled his eyes, “No, thank god.”

Grabbing his water bottle from the table in front of them, Jens muttered, “I’ve been feeling tired too. I almost didn’t go to your game yesterday.” 

Robbe fixed his posture at that, pulling his knees up so he could hug them. 

His best friend continued, “Like, even Britt invited me to a party that same night. I definitely wasn’t fucking going. I mean, first of all, why on a Monday? Second of all, I wasn’t going to miss your game, even if I felt like shit.”

He smiled at his best friend’s insistence to always support him, unable to process the previous information that he nonchalantly slipped into the conversation. The mere mention of Britt’s mention made Robbe want to tear his hair out. 

“That also makes me mention that you still haven’t introduced me to _ anyone _on your team yet,” Jens teased. 

“We’re a busy bunch…”

Jens grinned back, “Yeah, sure.”

Robbe promised, “It’ll happen soon, I’ll make sure of it.”

Jens rambled on about his classes while Robbe listened. After a few hours of doing nothing, he started to pay much too close attention to the television screen as he watched his reflection off of it. 

_ Wow. _

_ He did look like a mess. _

Deciding he really needed the rest and go home, the two hugged goodbye as Robbe quietly went down the steps of the cottage, all of his belongings in tow as he slowly walked away. 

\--------

Sander currently lay splayed all over the vintage couch at his shared apartment, scrolling through songs on his phone to add to his Bowie playlist. 

The apartment was a relic collector’s wet dream, splattered with paint on the walls and art frames that hung in every room. The living room was covered by a large, silvery grey, soft carpet, and the furniture was covered with dark blue silky material. The flat contained pieces of the past, with Omega cushions and Van-Gogh-like pictures that exploded their colours.

Sander cursed at himself, replaying the conversation he had with Robbe earlier that day.

_ He probably thinks I’m a dumbass _, Sander thought.

If he was really so forgetful to forget his keys twice in less than a week---- _ Argh _.

The moment was too embarrassing for him to recall all over again. He just wanted to talk to Robbe again, or at least properly apologize so the boy wouldn’t stare at him with killer daggers anymore.

Sander felt so heartbroken after Monday’s match when Robbe ran away from him that he only gathered his stuff and immediately went home. He didn’t even bother to check where Britt went after Senne told him she wouldn’t make it. 

Sander sulked in his room that entire night, too bothered to even say hello to his roommates. 

He got ready to send Robbe a new text to explain himself when Noor and Engel popped out from the hallway like two kids on Christmas. 

“Ooh, Sander!”

“Yes, Noor?” He raised his brow in anticipation, laughing a little at her excitement. 

“We heard your team may be going camping for fall break next week!” Noor revealed in a grand gesture with her hands.

“Yeah, I’ve heard them talk a little bit about that in the locker room, why?” 

Noor looked exasperated, “Well, are you going? Is Robbe going?”

“Are you finally going to confess your love?” Engel teased with a grin.

Sander groaned in embarrassment, “Stop.”

“We saw him for real at the bonfire a few days ago,” Noor commented with googly eyes, “Oh, he’s beautiful, Sander.” 

“Yeah, I thought your drawings were amazing, but...” Engel coyly raised her eyebrows.

Sander softly smiled to himself, “I told you they don’t do him justice.” 

“Stop putting us through this pain and finally say something to him,” Noor tried to offer advice.

“No, no, I think he hates me.” 

“Why?” Engel asked. 

“Cause I stood him up at the bonfire and said awful things to him,” Sander exhaled, his breath becoming wobbly when he remembered their conversation. 

“Sander, you were late because Britt tricked you into thinking she had some emergency.” 

Engel agreed, “And then it turns out it was just some plan to bring you on a secret date.” 

“Did you at least have fun?” Noor questioned.

“Not really.”

“It looked like it through Instagram.”

“I’m good at pretending.”

“Sander...” Noor looked at him with a sad expression, moving so she could sit next to him and rest her chin on his shoulder. 

“Why don’t you just break up with her?”

“You’ll never be with Robbe if you don’t end things.”

His lips twitched, “She knows I have bipolar and hasn’t left me.”

“Sander, you don’t need _ anyone _ to take care of you. Let alone the way Britt watches over you like a parent,” Noor explained.

Sander shrugged his shoulders, “She makes me feel like I need her though.”

She sighed, “I don’t know what else to say to convince you of the opposite...do you trust her that much?”

“I’m not sure.” 

“Just think it over, Sander. The girl visited this place once and with the way she treated all of us...I never want to see her step foot in here ever again.”

He sighed, grabbing a nearby pillow and playfully throwing it at Noor.

The three of them laughed as she blocked his efforts. 

Noor scooted closer, “But everything’s going well with your therapist, right?”

“Yeah,” he answered, “We’ve been working on some really good coping strategies.”

“Good, I’m glad, Sander.” Noor smiled at him, fixing her hair for a bit before getting up. 

“Engel’s making apple pie in the oven right now, if you’re interested?” she offered. 

Sander raised his eyebrows in excitement, “Why are we all here in the living room, then?”

\------

Busying himself with homework, Robbe’s eyes darted from the incomplete Word document open in front of him to his tabs on the sidebar. He was itching to click on one specific bookmark, a site he had favorited around a month ago when he discussed plans with Yasmina for their biology project. 

Clicking on it unwaveringly, Robbe read the name of the site: _ Antwerp U Health Science Scholarship. _

He sighed to himself, wanting to click out of it as soon as he clicked, but his gut told him to stay. Robbe realized he _ did _ qualify, but he wasn’t even sure if he had enough spare time to actually fill out the application. Plus, he needed a letter of recommendation from one professor. He felt overwhelmed with everything in front of him, deciding to text Yasmina about it all. 

Yasmina: _ aw robbe :’) _

Yasmina: _ the application isn’t due until march of next year, so you have plenty of time _

Yasmina: _ don’t stress about it 💛 _

Yasmina: _ but also start a bit early if you need to make changes later on _

Robbe: _ you’re right, thank you 😆 _

Robbe: _ have a good night 💤😴 _

Yasmina: _ you too 💛💛 _

Setting his phone down, Robbe adjusted the laptop on his lap, clicking on _ Create a New Application _ and filling out his personal information before saving the file and exiting the site. 

He felt good and prepared to sleep off his worries for another night. A few pings alerted him right as he lay down, causing Robbe to groan and pick up his phone again.

Hugo: _ noah and i are renting a large van to head camping over the fall break next week _

Noah: _ should be fun 🤪🤪 _

Luc: _ hell yes, count me in _

Hugo: _ niceee _

Robbe: _ why do you guys always like to text late at night 😑 _

Senne: _ i agree with robbe _

Senne: _ i’ll go if i can bring zoë _

Noah: _ go ahead haha _

Noah: _ sander, you bringing britt? 😜 _

David: _ i’ll go 🙌🙌 _

Sander: _ no _

Noah: _ oh 🧐 _

Hugo: _ we’ll make a list, everyone let us know at practice tomorrow if you don’t know yet _

With that, Robbe took that as his cue to exit the chat, mindlessly scrolling through his social media one last time before going back to bed. An extra notification in the chat popped up at the top of his screen. 

Sander: _ robbe are you coming ? _

_ Damnit _, Robbe thought. 

_ Of course he would ask in the group chat. _

Robbe typed up a quick response, answering the question more to the entire team than to Sander. 

Robbe: _ will anyone bring an extra sleeping bag? I don’t own one. _

Hugo: _ i’ll bring you one, robbe, but we can also see if we can rent a cabin _

The boy turned off his phone for good measure, smacking it on his dresser before flopping onto the bed and wrapping himself in blankets. He didn’t know to explain the recent feelings he started to have late at night, but breathing felt impossible. 

He had his best friends, his friends in his classes, and the whole damn football team, but Robbe never felt more alone and out of place. 

If it was even possible, he wished he could sleep the rest of his days off until he graduated and moved on from Antwerp U. 

He _ liked _ to play. It was everything that brought him to this moment. But Robbe couldn’t help and think about what existed beyond the field and kicks of the ball. He wanted to ride off to a more hopeful place, a place where his wildest fantasies didn’t push him down and muffle his voice. 

The exact thoughts kept him up the entire night, shifting in and out of bad dreams that shook him to the core, falling short of breath and needing to hug himself so the tears wouldn’t fall. 

\------

The wind blew strong at practice. Since the whole school had their fall break the following week, the next game wouldn’t happen until after they came back. Robbe was glad, noticing the slower pace of their drills and the more relaxed environment. For the first time in forever, he felt like he didn’t have to worry about making mistakes. 

Sitting next to Luc on the bench, the two boys were giggling with each other as they fiddled with a deck of cards, trying to win their game of Palace.

“Remind me to bring these on the trip next week,” Luc laughed before looking up to face Robbe, “You’re coming, right?”

Robbe grinned, “Yeah, probably.”

“Good. That means I won’t be stuck with Nathan the whole time,” Luc jokingly added, craning his neck over so he could watch some of the players practice their ball control and footwork. 

He was about to ask Luc if he could sit next to him on the van when Hugo and Bennie plopped down next to them, chugging on their water bottles as they sweated profusely.

Luc laughed, “You guys look great.”

Hugo spit out some water, “Sander’s acting up again. He just argued with David about random crap.” 

“Did anyone figure out why they were arguing?” Robbe asked. 

Hugo shrugged, “They probably just need to cool off.” 

Bennie agreed, “Yeah, it’s not the first time this has happened between them. Sander’s ego gets the best of him.”

Robbe immediately turned to look at him, “Ego?”

The other boy, who sported an undercut with his dirty blonde hair, nodded his head, “I’m sure Sander knows how good he is. Tends to boil up whenever anyone wants to take him down a few notches.”

This struck a nerve within Robbe, making him send Bennie a look of boiling anger.

“That makes no sense. He never brags about how many goals he scores. He never brags about anything,“ Robbe defended. 

The group had no response to Robbe’s words, making him quietly huff and stand up to start walking to the locker room for some time alone. 

_ All those assumptions they make about Sander...who even knows what they say about Robbe behind his back? _

Walking into the building, he turned the corner to find his locker and immediately wanted to walk out again when he spotted the boy in question washing his face at the sink. 

Robbe wasn’t fast enough, however, as Sander immediately noticed him and wiped his face quickly with a towel.

“Robbe.”

Robbe stopped, his back still facing Sander.

“Robbe, I just want to explain, please.”

The boy sighed as he turned around to face Sander, eyes darting all over the way water still dripped down his face.

“I’m here.”

Sander walked up extremely close, enough to make Robbe’s heartbeat rise astronomically. 

“Can you let me apologize, Robbe?” He whispered. 

Robbe looked him up and down in earnest, adjusting his bag before he slowly nodded his head.

He stared at Sander and his rumpled uniform. The red-and-white coloring was washed out, and the number 9 that decorated his shorts faded to nearly invisible. 

His white hair flew in all different directions, and all Robbe wanted to do was pat it down so it could fluff like a cloud again. 

“I’m really sorry, Robbe,” he breathed out, “I’m so sorry.”

He could only describe Sander’s face in that moment as absolutely begging.

“I heard that you argued with David about something. Is everything alright?” Robbe asked, trying to change the subject. 

Sander shrugged, wiping his face with his free hand, “A little bit. Just random bullshit.”

Robbe nodded his head in understanding.

“I want you to know that I’m _ really _sorry,” Sander repeated. 

“It’s okay, I promise,” Robbe stressed, needing him to know, “I’m sorry too.”

“All good, then?” Sander sent him a small smile, twiddling with his fingers a bit.

Robbe didn’t know what compelled him to do so, but he found himself leaning in forward, “Let’s just ditch practice.”

The striker looked at him with surprise, “We’ll get in trouble, Robbe.”

“So?”

“So? I don’t want you to get in trouble.”

“Sander, I promise you I don’t care. Let’s go somewhere,” Robbe paused, “To make it up to each other.”

But Robbe immediately realized his words, shortly stepping back, unsure if he was the person Sander wanted to be with right now.

Robbe fiddled with his hands as he began to walk to his locker, “Or...do you not want to…? I understand if you want to be alone or with Britt.”

Shaking his head fervently, Sander immediately matched his steps to Robbe’s, “No, I want to go with you.” 

“Okay,” Robbe said, sending a small smile back to the other boy who watched him quietly with slumped shoulders.

Sander contemplated his words for a bit before looking up to face Robbe with a sad look in his eyes, “Are you sure you’re not mad at me? About everything?”

Robbe shook his head in finality, “We said sorry to each other, Sander. Let’s leave it in the past.”

Noticing that Sander was unconvinced, he added, “It’s okay, really. Can you believe me?”

“I don’t know how else to apologize for my fuckup.”

Robbe emphasized it even further, “I’m not mad at you. Not anymore.”

Sander weakly nodded his head, softly glancing at Robbe. He rubbed his eyes one last time before grabbing his bag and dragging Robbe’s arm with him as they left the dressing room.

“Let’s go, then.”

“Where are we going?” Robbe asked, a building anticipation growing inside of him.

Sander only smirked back, the edges of his eyes still tired, “It’s my secret.”

\-------

The two fell in conversation instantly as they walked towards the “secret” place Sander kept bragging about, unable to hide the grin on his face as he fastened his pace to get there as soon as possible.

Robbe laughed with him, feeling light as a feather and as if a weight had been lifted off his shoulders. The imaginary rope that tied him down seemingly snapped and he didn’t want to focus on anything else except the boy who walked in front of him, still gripping his arm gently. 

Robbe assumed they were getting closer as Sander slowed down for a few seconds to rummage around his bag, looking for something in specific. 

The boy mumbled a quiet “aha!” once he found it, pulling out a small, black-and-white camera and looping the strap around his neck.

Giving Robbe a shy look, he explained, “I always come here to take photos.”

Moving his hand that gripped Robbe’s arm down to clamp around the other boy’s wrist, he pointed to a hidden archway nearly made invisible by the throng of trees that covered it.

The leafy gilt of vines that wrapped around it was massive, but well-nigh lifeless. It winded itself around the arch as a support. Its cumbersome thickness made Robbe feel as if he were entering a faerie underworld. Crossing the threshold into an imaginary new world, Robbe couldn’t control the slight gasp that escaped from his lips as he took in the sight before him.

_ Maybe Sander actually did bring him to a faerie underworld. _

The two were in a massive, yet private enough garden that they were the only ones who stood in it. The lawn resembled a whimsical meadow, its green color nearly appearing as ceramic. The flora drowned the entire place in its vibrance and polychromatic pattern. If Robbe didn’t know any better, it was as if stone-vaulted passageways led into a cloister garth. A small pond separated two sides, connected by a steep gothic, yet elegantly spare bridge. Its endless imperial design impressed Robbe as he turned to look at Sander with a wide, open mouth. 

“How did you find this place?”

“I walk alone a lot,” he murmured, softly smiling down at his camera. 

“And I usually come here after practices. It calms me down,” Sander added, looking at Robbe with eyes so full of willingness. It was a blissful openness. 

Sander’s look fed Robbe’s entire soul in the most contented way, allowing him to see his heart through his eyes. It was a fleeting gift that he would forever cherish. 

Quietly laughing at Robbe’s lack of speech, Sander looked around and picked a coruscating, deep rose wandflower off a bush, lightly feeling it through his fingers before saying, “Look at me, Robbe.”

Robbe turned around to face Sander, losing his breath as the boy took the flower between his fingers, specifically holding the stem as he gently tucked it behind Robbe’s ear, smiling to himself a little as he examined the finished product. 

“It looks nice with your eyes,” Sander commented, a small smirk tugging at the edge of his lips.

Robbe only managed to squeak out a quiet whisper, “Thank you.”

The two eventually sat on a stone bench near the small pond. The goalie quietly admired Sander from his spot as the boy started to capture shots with his camera. He had never seen him like this before. Robbe thought he saw Sander at his most passionate while he was on the pitch, scoring goals and celebrating by blowing kisses to the crowd, but nothing prepared him to see how the platinum blonde waited for the perfect moment to click the shutter button. He would squint his eyes in preparation, staying very still until he found what he wanted. Sander, Robbe thought, was a beautiful system. He had his tame parts and he had his wild parts, chaos and order all blending together to create the cradling balance of life. 

He was completely enamored with the boy in front of him. He was so enamored, Robbe almost didn’t notice Sander turning around and pointingly directing the camera right at his face.

“Nope,” Robbe quickly uttered, covering his hands with his face.

Sander laughed, “Please, Robbe!”

He would not budge, “Nope, nope. I look like a mess.”

“No, you don’t.”

“Yes, I do,” Robbe stressed the point, “It was fun watching you take photos of pretty things around us.”

“But I’m still doing that.”

Robbe playfully rolled his eyes as he tried to grab the camera out of Sander’s hand, doing the absolute most so the boy wouldn’t catch the ungodly rush of blush that crept up his cheeks. 

Sander scolded him with a devilish wink, “Hey, hey, this is expensive!”

“Whatever,” Robbe mumbled, crossing his arms across his chest like an upset child.

Sander loudly laughed at Robbe’s antics, finally putting away the camera to stare at the wild garden in front of them.

“Let’s talk, then,” he suggested.

Robbe uncrossed his arms, “Okay, about what?” 

“Anything?”

“I can do that,” he smiled, looking up to face Sander in gratification.

\------

“You were always a good student. Better than me.”

“That’s not true. How come?” Robbe questioned. 

Sander softly smiled at him, “You always work on your homework in the locker room. I’ve noticed.”

He sadly asked, “Have you ever even seen me draw?”

Robbe realized he hadn’t, and it made his vexation grow thinking about the potential reason. 

“Are you worried about how the team will react?”

“Sometimes I think about it.”

Robbe shook his head, “Sander, your art is as much a part of you as your ability to play football. That’s something so beautiful. I wouldn’t ever judge you, and neither should the rest of the guys.”

Both of them couldn’t help but reveal more and more as they continued to chat on the bench, too entranced by the presence of each other and not willing to let go. 

Robbe didn’t know when the right time would come to talk about deeper things, things that he desperately wanted someone to confide in about. If it scared Sander away, then he had his answer. But Robbe had the itching feeling that Sander wanted to tell him just as much. 

“I never want a relationship like my parents,” he decided to mention at one point, dangling his feet over the grass in nervousness.

Sander only continued to look at him, “Why not?”

Robbe wrapped one finger around his pinkie, playing around with his hands as he breathed out, “I guess, I’m just afraid. I’m afraid of so many things.”

“Like what?”

Sander was attentive to everything about Robbe, focusing on his slightly messy hair, how his eyes fell down in embarrassment, his lips that seemed to be drawing him even closer and closer.

“I’m afraid of living the rest of my life alone,” Robbe confessed, “Afraid that I’ll never find someone who will really like me enough to spend the rest of their life with me.”

Sander’s gaze intensified. 

Taking a deep breath to take the figurative leap forward, he grazed his fingers along Robbe’s, causing the boy to immediately stop whatever he was doing with his hands.

“You’d be surprised how much I fear that too,” Sander revealed. 

The two boys finally looked up at the same time to face each other in a moment of silence. They could only hear the faint chirps of birds flying in the distance, the small flow of the pond that glistened next to where they sat, and the light breeze that slightly pushed flowers down to the ground. 

Robbe and Sander were two bodies of land, only separated by a narrow ocean channel. The whole planet shook as a massive earthquake pushed the two even closer, nearing the inevitable collision. The gaze held between the two boys ran deeper than a bight and wider than a fjord. 

Holding a notebook and pencil in one hand, Sander delicately grabbed Robbe’s hand to push it down against the paper. 

Robbe didn’t say anything as the platinum blonde began to trace around it, carefully trying his best to make it perfect. He could feel the cold steel of Sander’s grey ring caress his palm once he finished. Robbe was breathless, feeling as if an eternal being plucked the bench where they sat out of this universe and into a different one. In that universe, only he and Sander existed to be with one another. 

“The perfect muse,” Sander whispered, looking up to bask in the smile that Robbe gave him. It felt like neverending sunshine, a warmth that Sander never felt before. 

“You’re an amazing artist,” Robbe paused, “I wish I knew that about you earlier.”

“What else do you want to know about me?” Sander asked, eyes big and almost teasing him to death.

Robbe grinned back, “Whatever you want to tell me.”

Rolling his eyes, Sander playfully scoffed, “Well, we’ll be here all night then.”

….

The two moved down to lay on the grass as the blue skies turned black. The cold weather nipped at their cheeks as the temperatures dropped, and it took everything in their willpower not to embrace each other for warmth. 

“Thank you for today, Robbe,” Sander flipped over to face him, “For everything.”

“Of course,” Robbe rolled to his side, sending him a look of fondness. 

“I guess it’s good to feel like I have a friend on the team.”

“Me too.”

“Cool.”

“Cool.”

A few seconds passed before the two immediately burst into a laughing fit, unable to hide how hilarious they found the entire conversation.

“Don’t laugh at me!” Sander whined.

“I’m not-” Robbe had to stop for a second, “-laughing at you!”

“I think you are,” Sander teased, flipping himself entirely over so he could grab Robbe’s hands and try to push them against his chest.

Immediately rolling on his back, Robbe entered a playful wrestling fight on the ground with Sander, both of them absolutely ruining their uniforms that they had spent almost the entire day in. Robbe couldn’t contain his giggles as Sander crawled on top of him, pushing down all of his weight on the goalie. 

“Are you trying to kill me, Sander?” Robbe laughed, smiling wide at the sight of Sander looking at him like a silly kid in love.

“No, I’m trying to _ seduce _you.” 

“Shut up.” 

Sander laughed at Robbe’s nervous reaction, dropping entirely on top of him and sighing to himself.

The night sky enveloped everything around them in darkness, but Robbe could only focus on the moonlight illuminating Sander just perfectly. The light amongst the dark. If Robbe was drowning, he had Sander to pull him towards safety. In the vacuum of space, a shooting star flickered by every once in a while, only visible to those who happened to be at the right time and place. 

Both of them felt lucky tonight. 

Throwing his hands up in the air, Robbe dramatically yawned in exhaustion, “I’m tired.”

Sander cooed back at him, “Aw, does someone need to be carried home?”

Robbe scoffed, “As if.”

“Too bad,” Sander replied while laughing hard, getting up and sliding his arms underneath Robbe’s back and legs to pick him up.

Robbe couldn’t help but giggle as he was lifted up in the air by Sander’s strong hands. He wrapped his own hands around Sander’s neck to stabilize himself, making sure they both didn’t tip over. Sander’s tight grip on Robbe was enough to last them the whole way back, both of them unable to stop smiling like idiots. 

\-----

Their secret garden meetups became a routine for the rest of the short week, always after afternoon practice or when classes ended. 

Robbe was packing up his things to leave his last class when he received several texts.

Sander: _ there’s no afternoon practice today _

Sander: _ i’m on my way _

Sander: _ bring your best self ;) _

Robbe: _ lol what does that mean _

Sander: _ it means “look your best” _

Sander: _ so actually you don’t have to do anything _

Robbe couldn’t hide the rush of heat that coursed through him, smiling like an idiot as he read the messages on the screen. He giddily stuffed everything into his duffle bag before jogging over to a bench outside to wait up for Sander. 

His heart cartwheeled once he spotted the boy and his leather jacket from a distance, waving his hand to signal where he was.

Sander waved back with a big smile planted on his face, eager to reach Robbe and get going. 

“If we ditch practice ever again, we’re done for,” Sander smiled as he approached Robbe, the slap happy expression on his face only growing to match the other boy’s wide grin. 

But Robbe's insides turned as he watched the smile on Sander’s face slowly disappear as he spotted something (or _ someone _) behind Robbe.

He wasn’t really prepared for the voice that shook him out of his silly, love daydreams, popping up from the distant background as if it were a ghost from a nightmare. 

“Sander!”

Robbe turned around to the sound of Britt’s shrill, calling Sander’s name out as she waved and jogged over to the bench where they were. Robbe couldn’t help but feel like a green ball of envy as the girl went over to hug the boy who looked shockingly surprised, slowly wrapping his arms around her. 

“Hi, Robbe,” she smiled, hooking her arm with Sander’s.

Forcing a smile, Robbe yelled at himself to simply reply, “Hey.”

“Guys catching up?” Britt asked, leaning forward to press a long kiss on Sander’s cheek, “I haven’t seen him all day.”

“Just talking,” Robbe sighed. 

Sander looked at him with a regretful expression as he was slowly attacked by Britt’s lips all over his face.

Robbe nodded his head in understanding, securing his bag on his shoulder before waving goodbye, “Um, I’ll let you two talk, then.”

“Robbe…” Sander whined.

“I’ll see you in class after break!” Britt exclaimed, a wide grin on her features. 

Sander could only watch in horror as the person he actually wanted to spend time with walked away, disappearing as he turned the street corner. 

Sighing to himself, he adjusted his arms around Britt, who seemed to be getting uncomfortable with the position they were in. 

“I missed you,” she smiled at him.

He exhaled, “Me too.”

“Did you take your pills yet?” Britt asked Sander, a condescending look jumped across her face.

He thought about it for a moment, remembering he was too busy at morning’s practice staring across the field at Robbe that he forgot to take them.

“Um, no. Sorry.”

“Sander! How many times do I have to remind you?” Britt demanded, untangling herself from him to grab his bag and scrounge around to find the bottle of pills. 

He breathed out in exasperation, rubbing his eyes from how tired he was, “It’s fine, Britt. The doctor told me I don’t have to take them everyday.” 

“And? You’re willing to risk it? What happens if you enter another episode, all because you decided not to take your pills today?” The girl grew furious, stopping what she was doing to look at Sander with a look of disappointment. 

“I’ve been doing fine, Britt,” Sander hissed, “You don’t always have to be on my back about it.”

“Oh baby,” Britt cooed, walking over to caress his face with her hands, “I love you so much. That’s why I’m always on your back about it.”

She sat Sander down on the bench, cradling his waist, “Besides, your parents are in Brussels and your roommates are always in and out. Who else is going to take care of you like I do?”

Sander gritted his teeth in annoyance as the girl blew kisses all over his face, giving him one big smooch on the lips as she moved off of him.

“I love you.”

“Love you too,” he pushed out. 

  
  


\----

Robbe bopped his head to the music blasting through his headphones. He decided it was a good night to shuffle through his “when i feel shitty” playlist.

The music volume level was so high he nearly missed the several notifications on his home screen. 

Sander: _ robbe don’t be mad at me please _

Robbe: _ why would i be mad _

Sander: _ because we didn’t go to the garden today? _

Sander_ : i really wanted to go with you _

Robbe:_ it’s okay, really 😅 _

Sander: _ ...if you say so 😊 _

Sander: _ i’ll see you tomorrow then for the trip? _

Robbe: _ of course! _

Sander: _ have a good night then _

Robbe: _ sleep well ♥️ _

Robbe immediately gasped. 

Robbe: _ i accidentally clicked the heart _

Robbe: _ sorry sorry _

Robbe: _ that was dumb _

Sander: _ no it was cute _😉

\----

The ride toward the camping ground was just long enough for Robbe to take in everything around him. The van was rambunctious, with one too many boys teasing each other and shouting profanities as they scrolled through their phones, played card games, or took naps. 

Robbe decided to stay awake to bask in the sunset skies that kissed the air. The orange hues painted his brown hair as fire, a color so scorching it looked hot to the touch. He sometimes glanced around to peek a look at Sander, who spent most of the ride drawing in his sketchbook, ignoring the annoying calls from the team when he pulled out his art supplies. 

He wished badly that he could invite himself over and sit next to the boy. Robbe wanted to see what caught Sander’s attention so badly that it was able to keep most of his focus down to the paper. Sander’s brows furrowed in concentration as he huddled in a corner, hiding from everyone else and making sure every detail he drew was nearly perfect. 

Robbe soon turned his back as he continued to look out the window. Once the city buildings meshed to small village homes which then meshed to rolling hills, he knew they were approaching. 

A small tap on the shoulder caused him to tear his gaze away from the sky. 

“Wanna play?” Luc asked, an inviting smile decorated his face. 

Robbe grinned back.

“Sure.”

For the rest of the time it took to arrive at the camping ground, Robbe and Luc took turns playing Palace again, quietly cheering in celebration whenever they won a round. 

“Is everything in your classes going well?” Luc asked, shuffling the cards so he could stack them back inside the box.

Robbe nodded his head, “All good, thankfully,” he paused, “I even started this scholarship application for the science department.” 

“Oh, nice!” Luc shared a happy glint in his eyes, “That’s actually pretty fucking cool.”

He asked another question, “Do you think you’ll get it?”

Robbe shrugged his shoulders, “I mean, I hope so. There’s probably a bunch of kids smarter than me applying for it too, though.”

Luc shook his head, “So? Who said that?”

“Just my assumption.”

“Keep your head up, Robbe. Being pessimistic all the time won’t help,” Luc gave him his advice, patting the boy on the shoulder for moral support. 

Robbe tipped his head in agreement, shifting the words in his head. The van halted to a stop, making the entire group of boys cheer so hard, the entire vehicle shook. 

One by one, the team exited the van, bustling with excitement and fervor for the upcoming week. 

Robbe lightly landed on the dirt ground, taking in his surroundings. Tall trees encircled around them, almost as if they were trapped inside a bubble. Two wooden-built cabins stood next to a large lake while tent equipment lay to the other side. 

A large circle of rocks acting as chairs sat in the middle, outer circling a stack of sticks that could be used for another bonfire. 

Robbe messaged his best friends.

Robbe: _ missing you guys, what are you up to? _

Aaron: _ filming some dances together for tictoc! _

Moyo: _ *tiktok 😓 _

Aaron: _ right _

Jens: _ yeah, what they said _

Robbe: _ without me?! _

Jens: _ don’t lie, robbe. we all know you would ditch us as soon as we brought up the idea _

Robbe: _ you’re not wrong _

Moyo: _ we’ll send you the videos once we’re done, so you can laugh with us _

Robbe: _ *at* you guys _

Jens: _ stfu _

“What’s got you so bubbly?” Luc laughed, peering over his shoulder to sneak a peek at his messages.

Robbe protected himself by turning around and shoving his phone in his pocket, laughing along with him, “Just texting my annoying friends.”

“I’ve never met them,” he pouted.

“I’ve never met yours,” Robbe shot back with a playful smile.

“Touché,” he answered back, “Let me know if you-”

“Hey guys,” Sander’s voice interrupted their conversation. 

Robbe and Luc both turned around.

“Hey,” they replied in unison. 

Sander looked between the two of them, adjusting the bag on his shoulder and swallowing hard.

“So,” Luc dragged the syllable, “We finally made it, yeah?”

“Yeah, finally,” Sander threw him a small smile.

“Well,” Luc paused, brushing a hand through his hair, “I’m gonna go make sure Noah and Hugo don’t blow anything up.”

“I’ll catch you guys later,” he waved. 

Robbe whispered a quiet goodbye as he watched the other boy leave, leaving him and Sander alone near the van.

“Hey,” Sander greeted him, a smirk begging to come out.

Robbe shyly grinned back, “Hi.”

Sander snorted at Robbe’s incredulous face, “Are you excited for this week?”

“Of course I am,” Robbe paused to look at him directly, eyes gleaming with newfound bravery, “If I spend it with the right people.” 

Sander could only stare back, now unable to hide the teasing smirk that graced his features. 

\--------

  
  
  


The blonde busied himself inside the tent by trying to finish his drawing of Robbe. It was a new one. He couldn’t resist how the sunlight seemed to gravitate towards the boy. It highlighted every single thing about him that was idyllic, which was basically everything in Sander’s eyes. He fumbled with a pencil to finish filling in Robbe’s hair when his phone buzzed to the side.

Noor: _ sander! have you done anything yet? _

Sander: _ i haven’t 🙃 _

Engel: _ why don’t you go find robbe then? you guys need to talk! _

Sander: _ we have talked, it’s all going well _

Noor: _ sander don’t act like you’re not dying on the inside _

Sander: _ i didn’t say anything about that _

Engel: _ go find him … he’s probably still awake _

Noor: _ turn off britt’s notifications if you need to _

Sander: _ that won’t be a problem anymore _

Noor: _ what??? _

Engel: _ sander what do you mean??? _

Engel: _ ???? _

Noor: _ text us backkk !!! 😡😡 _

\--------

Robbe’s eyes were shuttered as he walked around the pitch black campsite, taking in the cool gusts of wind. His phone lit up with multiple notifications. 

Yasmina: _ robbe! _

Yasmina: _ me and my brother made cookies for our mom 🍪 _

Yasmina: _ do you want me to come over and drop some off for you and your Mama? _

Robbe: _ ah damnit, i forgot to tell you i’m with the team this entire break _

Robbe: _ you can still drop them off if you want, my Mama says she’s okay but i know she may be feeling a bit lonely _

Yasmina: _ i will 😊 _

Robbe smiled at his phone screen as he exited out of the chat, sending a couple more messages to his Mama this time. 

Robbe: _ hi mama, i got here safe _

Robbe: _ thinking of you, i love you 💙💙 _

He shut his phone right after, walking over to a nearby dock that overlooked the entire lake that surrounded the camp ground. He slowly sat down at the edge, dangling his legs over the water for a sense of freefall. 

The change of pace in contrast to Antwerp’s busy city center and the cheers of the crowd during home games was rejuvenating. Important games still lingered in the distance and the playoffs were still in jeopardy, but Robbe decided he would forget about all of that for now, too focused on the lights of the cabins across the lake that reflected off the water.

“Are you having an existential crisis?”

Sander’s voice woke Robbe up from his daze, making him turn around and quietly laugh.

“Sort of.”

The platinum blonde walked along the edge of the dock, joining Robbe as he too sat down and dangled his legs over the water. 

“I was looking for you,” he whispered, almost as if it were a secret between the two of them.

Robbe raised his eyebrows, “You were?”

“Yup.”

“Well, you’ve found the hidden treasure,” Robbe chuckled, trying to make a light joke out of it all.

“Yes, I did. I’m a lucky guy.”

Robbe reluctantly met his eyes with Sander’s, who held his gaze in fascination. It made Robbe want to tackle him and kiss him all over.

Changing the subject, Robbe turned to face the water again, “So, did they give you a tent or a room in the cabin?”

“Stuck in a tent,” Sander laughed.

“That’s tough.”

They didn’t say anything else afterwards, only looking out towards the lake and its near stillness. 

Sander broke the silence, “Did you know that when I first met Britt, she didn’t give a damn about me until she figured out I played on the football team?”

“You mean she didn’t first fall for you because of your impeccable music taste? You’d be surprised how many times I’ve caught you changing the playlist on the speakers in the locker room.”

Sander laughed at that, “No, I guess not.”

Robbe grew serious, wrapping himself a bit closer with his oversized jacket, “If you knew that, then why’d you stick around?”

Sander shrugged his shoulders, “I was lonely. I wanted to get over someone.”

“How did that go?”

Sander looked at him with an unreadable expression, “I never really got over them.”

Robbe scrunched his eyebrows in concentration, a hint of disappointment in his voice, “Oh. Are you going to try for them again?”

“I’m trying my best,” Sander replied, face full of heavy emotions. 

Dusting his hands off, he offered one to Robbe, “Let’s go. It’s getting late.” 

Robbe hummed in agreement, taking Sander's hand as he stumbled upwards. 

They giggled together before slowly walking off the dock. Only a quiet thrum of noise rippled in the distance. 

\----

After a few days of playing quick games of footie and taking turns to jump into the freezing lake, everyone on the trip finally decided to work together and set up a bonfire.

The fire embers burned bright, igniting a blazing light around everyone as they chilled around the jumble of sticks. 

Everyone was slightly tipsy. Slightly drunk. Robbe wasn’t really sure what time it was anymore, eyes solely focused on Sander who was busy laughing away with Senne and Noah.

The striker tipped his head back in hysterics and Robbe’s eyes glazed over his exposed neck, needing to feel something and scolding himself for the unholy thoughts he was having. He was slowly losing his control, swaying side to side and humming a little tune to himself. 

Sander, also drunk, turned his eyes over to Robbe, taking him in before getting up and walking over a bit off balance. 

Setting his drink down, he took Robbe’s hand, trying his best to drag him up.

“Come.”

Robbe looked up towards his face, noticing the teasing smile that threatened to spill out. He didn’t think this was the best idea. To leave together when they were both drunk. He didn’t want to do something stupid and get hurt. But the temptation to be with Sander alone overrode his common sense and he immediately got up, hand still in Sander’s, as they both tipsily walked over to some grassy hills, far away from their teammates, far away from the fire, far away from everything. 

Sander pointed to a random spot on the ground, “Here.”

Robbe nodded his head, laughing to himself as Sander nearly fell over to sit down on the grass. 

“I like your laugh,” Sander crooned with a drunk smile, patting the spot next to him.

Robbe quietly thanked him, going exactly where Sander wanted him, slowly losing more and more sense of time and space. Sander was the only image he could see as the edges of his eyes started to black over.

The brown-haired boy felt nice but he didn’t feel in control. He desperately needed something to hold on to, so he clutched the sleeves of Sander’s white hoodie, only causing the blonde to scoot closer and place his face dangerously close to Robbe’s. 

“Robbe?” Sander hummed.

“Hm?”

“You’re my friend, right?”

“Yes.” 

Sander hummed to himself again, seemingly thinking over the one-word answer Robbe gave him.

“Why?” He slowly dragged the question, fiddling with the drawstrings of Robbe’s own hoodie. 

“I don’t know.”

“No?”

“I like you enough to be friends.”

“I like you too.”

Robbe nodded his head, looking over to Sander who was already smiling back at him with a dazed look in his eyes. He wasn’t sure. He swore it was the alcohol, but Robbe saw the glint of raw honesty.

The two lay silently on the ground for the next few minutes, simply basking in the fresh air and sound of the rippling water from the lake washing up along the pillars of the dock. The near silence in the darkness would have terrified Robbe, but it didn’t this time. He felt more alive with the presence of Sander next to him, able to conquer anything if he tried. He wondered if the other boy felt the same. 

Feeling the shift of movement next to him, Robbe looked over to find Sander swaying his head gently, slowing down to a halt before it flopped onto Robbe’s chest. 

“Did you fall asleep?” 

“No,” Sander paused, “I want to be closer to you.”

\-----

The effects of the alcohol grew stronger as both boys nearly tangled with each other. 

Sander happily slurred his words as he tangled his fingers in Robbe’s hair, “It’s like you come from my dreams.”

Robbe plastered on his best smile, trying to ignore the aching pain he felt in his head and only focus on the soft caress of Sander’s fingers in his hair, “Good ones, I hope.”

Sander leaned in even closer, nearly leaving a breathless kiss alongside Robbe’s exposed neck, “Only the best ones.”

The two were acting senseless, disregarding everything around them only to focus on each other. 

They seemed to like doing that a lot. 

Robbe and Sander had burned through a number of beer cans earlier in the night. Now, they fell in love in silence as they stared through each other’s eyes, a light so bright it nearly blinded them both. They felt as if the earth beneath them rocked them back and forth. Their minds drifted in and out like the tide. 

Even Sander, who was so used to needing control in his life, allowed his vision to waver. He allowed it because he was sure of one thing. Robbe was there. Robbe was there laying next to him on the cold, damp ground as the moonlight poured onto the boy’s skin, dripping him in exquisite splendor and beauty. At that moment, they were together, and Robbe was so _ beautiful _. 

\-----

“Sander…” Robbe pleaded, his senses becoming more alert at the words coming out of the other boy’s mouth. 

“I don’t want you only as a friend…” the older boy mumbled in the middle of a thought, “I want...you.” 

Robbe shook his head, knowing how messed up the whole situation they were in was. 

“Come on, Sander. I need to bring you back to your tent,” he said, trying his best to drag Sander up with his hands.

“You’re way too drunk right now,” Robbe added.

Sander only put his weight down, making it nearly impossible for Robbe to pick him up.

“Only if you come with me,” Sander slurred.

Robbe nodded, looking over to the group past the hills that hid the two boys. Everyone began to pack up and started heading over to their cabins and tents. 

“I will. I changed my mind and I’m bringing you to my room instead. I’m not leaving you alone here.”

Sander shook his head rapidly, “No, noo,” he explained, “I want you to stay with me.”

“And I will.”

“Really?”

“Sander, please, I promise we can talk about this tomorrow. When you’re sober.”

The older boy huffed in disappointment, clumsily getting up on his own and rejecting the hand that Robbe offered him. 

….

Robbe watched as Sander forcefully tucked himself into his bed, flipping and flopping until he found a good position to sleep in. Once he lay still, Robbe stayed, watching until he could gather his thoughts and silently join him.

“You can go if you’re not gonna stay,” Sander’s sluggish voice ringed in his ears. 

Robbe cast his eyes downward, a somber tone in his voice, “Gonna force me out of my own room?”

The boy had no response to that, only turning over once more to face the window and away from Robbe. 

Sighing to himself, he slowly tiptoed over to Sander, noticing his silhouette of a body slumped over.

Robbe flipped the covers open so he could slide himself in and get comfortable. Noticing movement on his other side, Sander slowly turned himself over, watching quietly as Robbe fluffed his own pillow to lay his head on it.

“Are you staying with me?”

“Of course I am.”

Sander nodded his head, now directly facing Robbe as the two boys stared at each other, not knowing what else to say.

It was unknown territory.

Robbe only did what he thought was appropriate for the situation, scooting closer until he nearly booped noses with Sander, who lightly laughed at the contact.

Robbe smiled back. At this point, it was a natural reflex to do so whenever Sander laughed. 

Sander’s gazed at him with immaculate desire and love, “Robbe,” he whispered in a love drunk daze, “I want to fucking kiss you.” 

Robbe’s mind exploded in a pure, searing thunderbolt. 

Sander leaned in with clear intent, nearly tipping himself and Robbe off the bed with the sudden movement, before Robbe placed a finger on his lips, shushing the boy to a halt. 

Shaking his head, Robbe solemnly replied, “We can’t. I can’t.”

“Why not?”

“Because you have a girlfriend,” he tried to remind him.

Sander shook his head, “No, I don’t.”

“Yes, you do.”

“No, _ I don’t. _”

Robbe mimicked him, shaking his head in confusion, “I don’t get it?”

Sander’s voice teetered, “I broke up with her the day before we got here,” he looked down at his hands, “I couldn’t take it anymore.”

Robbe’s eyes widened in surprise, “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be,” he answered, “It was inevitable.” 

\---

_ Sander paced around his room, trying his hardest not to overthink everything he wanted to say. He would keep it short and simple. He and Britt managed to return back to his apartment after the small argument outside of university, but she was currently out trying to find pain medications in a closet for the constant migraines Sander had been getting recently. _

_ “I found them, baby.” Britt triumphantly lifted her hands up with the medicine as she walked back into the room. _

_ Sander forced a smile as the girl sat him on the bed and wrapped her legs around his waist. _

_ “Britt,” he whispered, “I have to tell you something.” _

_ “What is it?” The girl asked, motioning Sander to open his mouth so she could pop the pill inside. _

_ A moment of silence passed before he gathered the courage. _

_ “I want to break up.” _

_ Britt rolled her eyes at first, ignoring the previous comment he made. _

_ Sander grew a little annoyed, pressing his hand against her waist to gently push her off of him. _

_ “Britt, I want to break up. Did you hear me?” Sander repeated himself. _

_ The girl scoffed in irritation, “Was it because of what I said to you earlier today outside of school? _

_ “I didn’t mean to be so aggressive,” she tried to apologize, but Sander heard no regret in her words. _

_ “It’s more than that,” he breathed out. _

_ “Are you being serious, Sander?” _

_ He nodded his head, growing a bit restless. _

_ “What did I do?” _

_ Sander wanted to say “Everything,” but he only replied back, “You’ve done too much.” _

_ Britt slowly untangled herself from him, processing his words before grabbing her stuff in a hurried fury. _

_ “Fuck you.” _

_ Sander said nothing as the girl continued to search through her emotions, finding the pain medication from before and throwing it towards him. _

_ He blocked it by covering himself with his hands, “What the fuck, Britt?” _

_ “Don’t come crawling to me when you need someone to take care of you during your episodes, Sander!” _

_ She continued to yell, “Why do you think I never wanted to bring you to parties with me?!” _

_ “Because I never know when your mind will explode or shut down!” _

_ “You’re such a bullshitter,” was the last thing she said before leaving and slamming the door. _

_ Sander didn’t realize he was shaking. _

_ He nearly cried with the words the girl threw against him like bricks. It came off her tongue so easily, like she had been building everything up. _

_ After some time, he let go of a breath he didn’t know he was holding. _

_ Gripping his bedsheets in anger and relief at the same time, he leaned back to fall on his mattress, eyes closed shut. _

\------

The morning sun shined in as it peeked through the windows of Robbe’s cabin room. The golden rays painted over an old photograph as it soaked the two boys sleeping together on the bed with warmth and glowing color. The feeling felt nostalgic, yet beautiful. 

The celestial hand that tinted the sky with grey clouds could not shadow its brightness.

Hugging each other tightly, both Robbe and Sander continued to sleep as twilight melted away. 

It wasn’t until the light snores coming from Robbe caused Sander to shift around, slowly opening his eyes as he tried to evade the oncoming throb of pain from his hangover.

He didn’t really care though, as he became too focused on watching the steady rise and fall of Robbe’s chest. He lightly blew air on his face, giggling a bit when Robbe woke up in slight annoyance, looking over to greet eyes with Sander. 

They exchanged soft smiles, grateful to be in each other’s presence. 

Robbe mumbled something inaudible as he burrowed himself into the warm, soft sheets. 

“Wake up, sleepyhead,” Sander mumbled back, unable to grasp how beautiful Robbe looked when he woke up in the morning. 

It was a sight he wanted to see for the rest of his life. 

Groaning a bit, Robbe lifted his head to rub the remainders of sleep from his eyes, turning around to gaze at the horizon outside of their window. 

“What time is it?” Robbe asked.

Sander shrugged his shoulders, moving closer to rub his nose with Robbe’s, “Doesn’t matter.”

The younger boy smiled at the gesture, before a serious expression passed over his features.

Sander grew a bit self-conscious at the movement, pushing himself a bit further away to give Robbe space if he needed it.

“Sander,” Robbe whispered, eyes begging for an answer, “What’s going on between us?”

Sander didn’t reply. He only stared at the ceiling above them.

Robbe looked at him with self-doubt, “Do you even remember what you said last night?”

“Of course I remember what I said.”

“Really?”

“The fact that I want to fucking kiss you? Yes, Robbe, that hasn’t changed.”

He was at a loss for words.

“S--Sander,” Robbe stuttered.

The boy dragged himself up in discontent, his tired eyes looking at Robbe with sadness, “So, was I just imagining everything between us these past few weeks?”

“No!” Robbe emphasized, “No, you weren’t. I promise.” 

“Then what, Robbe? I told you I’m not with Britt anymore,” he reminded him, “I just want you so badly. I have for a long time.”

Robbe grew small, unable to mask his fear, “I’m just afraid.”

“Of what?”

“I don’t know.”

Sander moved closer to face Robbe, intertwining their hands together, “I hope you know I don’t give a fuck about how the team will react. I only care about you.” 

Robbe rubbed his thumb alongside Sander’s hand, unable to resist the touch, “I know. I- I just,” he tried to gather his thoughts, “I’m just scared of it all, you know? And I don’t want this to affect the playoffs and-”

“You’re worried about football?” Sander looked at him in shocking disappointment.

Sighing to himself in frustration, Robbe rubbed his eyes, “No, no, that’s not what I meant.”

Sander lifted himself up to throw the blankets off to the side, “I get it, Robbe.”

“Sander...”

Robbe was unable to find the courage to pull him back to the bed, but he desperately wanted to. He was confused, and his drunken actions from the night before didn’t come from a wild dream of his. Robbe wished he had more time to actually wake up and process everything, but his hangover was killing him and all he knew was that he wanted to be back in the comfort of Sander’s arms. 

Sander walked towards the door and slipped on his boots, pausing for a moment to decide if he really wanted to leave, “Let me know when you’ve figured everything out, Robbe.”

With those words, the boy left and closed the door shut, leaving Robbe feeling absolutely tattered with his feelings. 

He didn’t cry the last time he fought with Sander the night of the bonfire, but he couldn’t fight the tears that currently spilled out of his eyes, leaving him a tired mess on the bed as he grappled with everything that had happened. 

Maybe it was the effects of the alcohol from the previous night, or maybe Robbe’s emotions all suddenly caught up with him. 

Robbe gripped his bedsheets in anger, bubbling inside of him like a volcano needing to erupt before subsiding into a river of lava. 

He ignored the various knocks on the door, telling everyone his hangover was worse than expected and he needed a day to recover.

Robbe only managed to get up to look at himself in the mirror, hair absolutely disheveled with red, puffy rings around his eyes. He felt like crying all over again at the sight of his appearance, unable to cope with the fact that he may have pushed Sander away all over again. 

_ Why did he even bring up football? _

Robbe couldn’t give a shit about the sport now, but everything in his life revolved around it for so long, he assumed it was inevitable before it affected his love life too. 

In fact, football didn’t just affect his love life. It absolutely wrecked it. 

If it were a tangible thing, Robbe wished he could just chuck it off the highest building, getting rid of it forever. Instead, it gnawed inside him like a parasite, the effects only growing worse with time. 

If this were an easier life for Robbe, he would forget Sander and try to find someone else who wasn’t on the same damn sports team as him. 

But life worked in mysterious ways. In this universe, life tied an invisible red thread of fate between Robbe and Sander, linking the two as destined lovers regardless of place or time or circumstances. 

The magical string could stretch or tangle, but it would never break. 

\-------

The late night caught up with Robbe, with the moonlight casing in through the cabin window. He lifted his head up slowly, aching in pain through the throbbing caused by his silent cries. 

He was still upset, throwing his arm on the spot that Sander previously lay on earlier in the morning. The boy he loved was right there at the grasp of his fingertips, yet Robbe managed to let it slip away. 

Throwing on a random hoodie and some sweatpants, Robbe stomped out of his room, mostly in anger at himself.

He walked for a long time around the lake, reflecting off everything he saw and thought. He sent his Mama a few more texts, hoping she wouldn’t worry about the midnight timestamp.

He was finally ready to give up and call it a night when he noticed a shadow a few feet away, closer to the forest of trees, walking up to the edge of the lake. Their hands were shoved into the single pocket of their white hoodie. Robbe recognized that piece of clothing. It was the same one he clung onto the previous night while he was drunk. 

His heart made his legs move faster than his head did. Approaching the silhouette that gained its actual appearance as Robbe moved closer, he immediately noticed the dark bags under the other boy’s eyes. The puffy rings around them told Robbe enough. 

He didn’t want to be the person making Sander look like this. 

At that moment, he decided he would no longer care. No one around him made him feel the way Sander made him feel. He would go through every single hurdle and obstacle to be able to love the boy. He was head over heels in fucking love with him. It couldn’t be contained. It would burst all the glass in the world, breaking it and leaving shards everywhere. 

Robbe knew Sander heard the sound of his sneakers crunching the leaves on the ground, but he didn’t budge in response. So, Robbe could only move closer. Close enough that he could reach out and grab his shoulder.

“Sander,” Robbe firmly called out. He knew what he wanted in this universe. 

The boy slowly turned around upon hearing his name. He looked exhausted to a breaking point. 

Robbe took his chance to steadily hold on to Sander’s hands, intertwining their fingers again once more. Neither of them pulled away.

Building everything up inside of him like a bottle ready to burst, Robbe finally let go, “Everything changes from here on, okay?”

“I know what I want, Sander. I know what I truly want. _ Who _ I truly want.” 

He took a deep breath before continuing, “We’ll have each other now and we’ll have each other when we get back to Antwerp. I swear to you no one will break that. We won’t be told who we should or shouldn’t love.” 

“I like you so much, Sander,” he inhaled, “And I want you to know that you will always have me, I promise.” 

Robbe knew he was shaking and he could only describe the look on Sander’s eyes as the perfect blend between tantalizing and adorable. Robbe was _ gone. _The look made his heart flutter and his lips tremble. Robbe noticed Sander’s dreamy gaze on him as it slowly lowered and fixed upon his lips, quickly glancing back up, in hopes of recovering from giving anything away. It was the look of vulnerability. 

“Are you going to refuse me?” Robbe whispered, leaving his heart open at the mercy of the other boy.

Sander’s voice cracked with its lack of use, “No.”

With the last syllable popped, Robbe couldn’t wait any longer. 

He immediately grabbed Sander’s face and kissed him hard. _ So, so hard. _

As soon their lips met, they both nearly cried at the feeling. The red thread of fate burned bright in glowing beauty. 

They desperately tasted each other’s lips as they begged for more, tightly wrapping their arms around each other. They dug their hands into each other’s hair. The two boys nearly lost their balance as they fumbled around, hands roaming each other’s bodies for the touch they always craved. 

Robbe felt Sander grip and squeeze his thighs, making him jump and lock his legs around the boy’s waist. Sander gently laid them on top of a picnic table nearby. 

Their bodies were closer than they had ever been. The kiss was sloppy from the beginning, long-awaited, wet, hot, and a lot more tongue than Robbe was prepared for. 

It was a sensation of new beginnings, long anticipated. The magnetic pull between their lips was inescapable. The window of euphoria only amplified through the rush of adrenaline felt by the two boys. 

It was not the perfect kiss from all of the romantic movies Robbe watched. It was steeped in passion that both of them had long desired to express to each other, a promise of realness. 

They continued to kiss for what seemed like eternity. The kiss was the epitome of their love for each other, and they never wanted to stop. They flipped over at one point and Robbe lay on top as he pressed soft, precious kisses all over Sander's face. 

Sander couldn’t breathe, overwhelmed with the feeling of relief that washed through him. The feeling of Robbe on him. The feeling that Robbe’s words brought to him. 

_ The feeling of Robbe everywhere. _

\-----

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Everyone, from the bottom of my heart: all of the kudos and comments and support you guys gave the last chapter made me SO, SO, SO unbelievably overwhelmed with emotion and gratitude. That was the most I've ever gotten in my short time writing fan fiction.
> 
> I'm always trying to improve as a writer as I grow older. And writing a story like this for some of my favorite characters to bring to you guys only brings me so much happiness.💛💛
> 
> I celebrated my 21st birthday yesterday but I spent most of the night finishing and editing this chapter up! I hope to properly celebrate when the world is at a better and safer place. 
> 
> I hope everyone has been doing well and I'm sending everyone so many kisses and hugs!!!! Thank you, thank you!!!! 
> 
> I always listen to your feedback so if you have anything to say about this chapter, please let me know. 💛💛💛
> 
> My ideas for chapter 3 are already churning inside my head *phew*
> 
> -with so much love, robbesanderx
> 
> Tumblr: sanderdriessen  
Twitter: robbesander


	3. game two and the submergence of water

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi again lovelies!!! ♥️💕♥️💕 (it's another long one lol!)
> 
> this chapter's advanced warnings: explicit cursing, drinking/smoking, mention of vomit, panic/anxiety attack

“Noah! Can you go and cover #11 seriously?!”

Robbe was furious. 

His throat throbbed with ache and soreness, an impending explosion with all of the yelling he had been doing for most of the match. The floodlights were messing with his head. The grass wasn’t cut properly. The rain from earlier in the morning hadn’t fully dried out and -- _ fuck! _

The goalie was sure bruises formed around his knees by now. He spent nearly the entire second half with his gloves pressed so hard against them, he almost missed a simple back pass that Senne sent his way. 

He spent too much time sending various hand signals towards his entire defense to pick up the pace and not ruin the clean sheet he was so close to reaching. 

It felt like a tornado stormed throughout his head and it took everything in his power to tell himself to calm down. Antwerp U was comfortably winning 0-3 away from home and they were already in the 80th minute. While they were lucky to get an own goal in the first half, the rest fell upon the famous striker’s shoulders as he went on to score two more right before the halftime whistle. 

Robbe watched from afar as Sander shot the first goal from close-range, bopping his head to the music blaring from the speakers as he ran towards the away crowd. His second was launched by a gorgeous free-kick, bending so perfectly, Sander didn’t even have to watch it fall to start celebrating. 

_ Oh _ , Robbe thought, _ I’m gonna kiss the hell out of him. _

Stretching his hands inside the glove to make it more snug, Robbe didn’t nearly catch the row of subs running around the field to stretch. He caught eyes with Luc as the boy sent him a silly peace sign before going back to his jumping jacks. 

Robbe laughed at the gesture, relaxing down a little before he heard a string of shouts headed his way. 

The players moved their feet faster by the second, nearly covering the entire pitch as the home team, _ Berchem U, _neared Robbe’s goal post. 

He immediately changed his stance, getting into a defensive mode as he waited to see how the player with the ball would continue. If they were to shoot now, Robbe could only use his eyes as a way to gauge how he can catch or block it. If they moved closer to the net, Robbe would have to prepare to move off his line and intermingle with the other players to kick it out. 

Calculations ran amok in his head as the seconds ticked by.

Luckily for him, the player blasted it off their right foot, letting it fly at a wild pace before eventually soaring way above Robbe’s net.

_ Thank god. _

The final five minutes were slow, and once the referee blew the whistle, Robbe fisted his hands up in the air to signal victory. He moved to grab his water bottle that lay against the side of the net, chugging it down to quench his thirst. 

Another game won. Two more to go.

Closing the cap on the bottle, Robbe immediately went to look for Sander, scanning over the entire field to find his familiar white head of hair. The striker had been more quiet in the second half, not providing much of a threat since most of the opposing defenders followed his every move. Sander couldn’t even get one pass from his teammates before it was quickly blocked. 

Coach Peeters walked past him, giving him a solid pat on the back, “Good job tonight, Robbe.”

He faintly hummed in giving thanks, still too distracted trying to look for Sander. 

Robbe slowly made his way towards the team bench, sitting down and stretching himself so he could try and destress. He tilted his head back in exhaustion, running a hand through his hair to move it out of his face. Someone whistled in the background, but he was too tired to check. 

It was only until the whistling stopped and started all over again that Robbe annoyingly lifted his head up to see what was happening. 

His heart somersaulted. It leaped by a million as he took in the sight of Sander standing a couple of feet away from him. 

But for Robbe, of course, it was a sight he nearly had to cover his eyes over so he wouldn’t jump the boy. Sander lifted his jersey up off his body, pulling it over his head as he smiled to shake hands and exchange the piece of cloth with an opponent player. His face blushed pink in exhaustion and his body dripped in sweat. 

An assistant coach handed the striker his water bottle and Robbe’s stomach did flips as he watched Sander chug it down, spraying some all over his face to cool down. Everything about him glistened and Robbe had to restrain every part of himself to not leap in his arms. 

_ Damnit. _

The rest of the team along with the coaches were still talking with each other as they stood on the pitch, so Robbe was alone as he nearly had a heart attack on the bench. He didn’t feel any shame as he looked Sander up and down, only feeling embarrassed when the boy finally looked up towards him and teasingly winked. 

Robbe didn’t really appreciate it when Sander opened his mouth and then lifted his chin up to close it, making Robbe aware of himself and close his own mouth after all the gaping he was doing. 

He wasn’t sure if the boy knew how much it affected him. 

Once it looked like Sander was about to approach him, Robbe quickly got up to move closer to the entrance tunnel, wanting to tease the blonde a little after his purposeful display.

He smiled to himself once he heard Sander groan in frustration behind him. 

Robbe lost himself in the small crowd gathered around the entrance/exit. It seemed as if everyone wanted to leave the arena at the same time. 

Waiting for the group to slowly move in, Robbe distracted himself by playing with the edges of his jersey. The crimson color seemed to be washing out so he made a quick reminder to himself to ask for a different one next time.

He stood on his tiptoes as he tried to get a glimpse of Coach Peeters, but found himself locking eyes again too quickly with Sander who pretended to look upset. 

Robbe sent him a small smile, nervously playing with the hair on the nape of his neck.

Sander tossed away his fake pout, sending him a small wave as he grinned back. 

The blonde squished his way in between a few players and staff, eyes never leaving Robbe’s as he approached.

Robbe could only tease for so long. 

He sighed in content as Sander lazily slung an arm around his shoulder, bringing Robbe close to him as the crowd slowly grew smaller and smaller. Their teammates were too busy shouting and patting each other on the back to notice Robbe lean into Sander’s embrace, wrapping an arm behind the striker’s bare back.

Robbe felt Sander breathe in his ear, “Wait for me. Wait until everyone leaves.”

The brunette nodded his head in understanding, digging his fingers into Sander’s side because he just couldn’t fucking help it. 

Sander whispered those words in his ears and now he wouldn’t be able to think about anything else. 

“Wait,” Robbe realized, jerking back with Sander in tow, “We’re away. Don’t we have to meet the team on the bus to go back to Antwerp?”

Sander shook his head, “There’s an optional banquet dinner after we all change. Some are going and others are leaving on their own. The bus isn’t running, but the team has everything figured out,” he added, “Plus, we’re not that far away from home this time.”

He was right. Antwerp was only a fifteen-minute bus ride away.

The bleached-blonde smiled wider, “Sorry. I guess that leaves you stuck with me.”

“A nightmare,” Robbe smirked, snaking his arm off of Sander as they finally reached the locker room door.

The boy wandered his eyes all over Robbe, slowly grazing his hand over, “Wait for me, okay?”

Robbe nodded, patting Sander softly on the back as the rest of their teammates piled on over them, enveloping them in bear hugs and loud yells. It was a shouting match between them all to see who could go the loudest, and it nearly popped Robbe’s ears off. 

He smiled at the gesture, intently watching as Sander bent down to wriggle out of the group and disappear into the locker room. 

Once everyone let go, Robbe rushed to step in front of his away compartment, taking out all of his gear and slipping off his dirty uniform. He took a quick shower and threw on a clean jersey with some joggers he had laying inside his bag. After all was said and done, he slumped against his locker, only wanting time to pass quicker.

Robbe watched as each one of his teammates filed out, hugging each other goodbye as some sported a casual look to go home and others a more dressier outfit to head to the dinner. A few passed directly in front of him, playfully shoving his shoulder as they left. 

“See you on Monday,” Luc smiled, sending Robbe his trademark peace sign before leaving.

He smiled back at his friend, trying his best to not think about what plans Sander had in mind. He hadn’t seen him since they were outside the locker room and it drove Robbe nuts. 

The loud chatter of the room eventually died down, leaving only Robbe against his locker as he played on his phone. 

A familiar whistle grabbed his attention.

“You think that was funny what you did on the pitch outside?” Sander’s cheery voice teased, popping out from the side with his hair absolutely dripping wet. 

“What?”

“Don’t pretend, Robbe,” Sander replied in a husky tone, moving closer as he looked at the boy in front of him with absolute want.

Robbe laughed, “You’re the one who _ whistled _at me to look at you taking your shirt off. I think I’m in the right.”

“You didn’t want to see it?” He pouted.

“I didn’t say that.”

“Right.”

Robbe licked his lips and grinned widely as Sander eventually invaded all of his senses, gently pushing him against the lockers to hungrily press their lips together in fervor. The taste always sent his mind into a sensual state of intoxication. If Sander’s eyes were to be the gateway to his soul, then Sander’s lips were the same thing for his body, opening up a case of sweetness, passion and the promise of everything all rolled into one.

Robbe whined at the sensation, curling his fingers in Sander’s hair and pulling on it tightly.

The blonde groaned in response, pushing one leg in between Robbe’s so he could continue standing. 

Every time they pulled away to catch a breath of fresh air, they smiled at each other like two love drunks. 

Robbe whispered in his ear, “Congrats on scoring today.”

“And my prize?” Sander winked.

Robbe lightly laughed, “It was a good game.”

“_ Je bent zo focking schattig _,” Sander smirked, grabbing the back of Robbe’s head and pulling him back towards his lips. 

The two were greedy for everything, nearly falling over in their eagerness. 

Sander moved down to lazily press open-mouthed kisses along Robbe’s neck, making the boy squirm in anticipation. His stomach rolled over with the tender brush of Sander’s lips, burning with each contact it made on his skin. 

Pure pleasure ran through their bodies and Robbe couldn’t help it. The moan slipped out of his mouth before he could stop himself, but luckily for him, it was muffled by Sander drowning him in another hot, heavy kiss.

Robbe leaned back as far as he could against the lockers for support. He knew if he didn’t he would immediately drop to the floor with how delicate he felt in that moment.

Sander’s leg was right in the middle and Robbe thought that probably did more than damage than good.

He wriggled a bit with the constant flick of Sander’s eager tongue that explored his mouth, moving his hands so he could grip Sander’s jersey and bring him even closer if it were possible. 

He wasn't really prepared for Sander to drop his hands and slide them inside Robbe’s own jersey, moving and feeling every ridge and crevasse of Robbe’s warm skin, still sweating a bit from what they just played on the pitch. 

Robbe’s thoughts were blown to smithereens, nearly shutting down his brain. He became putty in the hands of Sander, who only lovingly gleamed at him as he ravaged every single little thing he could touch. 

For Sander, he wasn’t sure if Robbe even knew. The younger boy was too busy fluttering his eyes open and shut with every kiss Sander lay on him, but his wandering hands were also making Sander’s body go past the point of no return. Beyond the point where he felt like his brain could make functioning decisions anymore.

He thought that was probably the reason why he felt like he couldn’t stop. Sometimes, it was as if the planet was dying tomorrow and Sander needed to use all of his time in order to make Robbe feel everything he felt for him.

Sander needed Robbe so bad, on top of him, inside him, anywhere where he could just feel the boy’s skin underneath his fingertips. 

“Come back to my house,” Robbe asked, nearly losing it with his uneven breath.

“I want _ you _ to come home with _ me _,” Sander whispered. 

They laughed at their inability to decide, nearly breathless. 

A noise outside the locker room door grabbed their attention and made them tear their gaze away from each other. 

The two boys stepped apart as someone opened it, hoping the person wouldn’t notice the absolute fluster blushed on their cheeks. 

“You guys are still in here?” _ Senne. _

He slowly peeked his head in, finding the two boys immediately.

Sander was pretty talented at pretending he wasn’t rudely interrupted, nodding his head back to the captain, “Yeah, we’re almost leaving.”

“We’re going home together that’s why!” Robbe yelled.

Sander turned to look at him in absolute astonishment. 

Senne looked at them, exhaustion clear on his face, “Oh, got it. Have a good night guys. I’ll see you at practice on Monday.”

They both waved goodbye, and it didn’t even take the door closing before Sander wrapped his arms back around Robbe’s waist.

“You are...” Sander teased.

Robbe raised his brows up in innocence, “What?”

“Come,” Sander instructed, “We’re getting the hell out of here.”

Robbe laughed as he tagged along, nearly giddy with happiness as he held Sander from behind, dragging his feet against the floor as the boy struggled to walk with Robbe’s weight behind him. 

Separating once when they reached the door, Sander captured Robbe’s lips again in a long, tantalizing kiss.

He sighed as he pressed his forehead against Robbe’s. 

Sander thought about a lot of things. He thought about how after Robbe kissed him back at the campsite, they stuck together for the rest of the trip. That vivid night fit snugly into Sander’s box of favorite memories. Both of them had finally given in to what they had felt for so long, not wanting to be apart any more. They snuck out the following morning to a secluded part of the forest where Robbe laid his head on Sander’s shoulder, just watching him draw and sketch for nearly the entire day. They snuck kisses on the way back, unable to keep their hands off of each other. No one in the team seemed to notice their constant disappearances. Or at least no one said anything to them. 

The day before they left, Robbe took Sander to a new spot they hadn’t ventured off to. There, a random, bright yellow canoe floated in the water with four oars conveniently laid to the side. Robbe looked at Sander with raised eyebrows, knowing exactly what he wanted to do. They immediately jumped on, giggling as they tried not to fall off. For that whole day, they did just that, talking to each other about everything and pecking each other on the lips here and there. Their eyes were so aflame with love that once sunset arrived, the sight was so perfect, Sander hurriedly reached into his bag and pulled out his camera. 

_ “Let me take a picture of you, please?” Sander pouted. _

_ Robbe playfully whined, “Sander...” _

_ “Robbe!” _

_ “Fine, go ahead,” he smiled, giving in immediately. _

_ Sander leaned forward to plant a long kiss on Robbe’s lips, “Thank you, cutie.” _

_ He took the picture. And then a few dozen more. _

On the van ride back, the two boys sat together, basking in the warm light that poured through the windows, illuminating their faces with a glow so bright. They fell asleep instantly, heads rested on each other as the rest of the group also tumbled into deep slumber. When they finally made it back to Antwerp, the driver beeped the horn, causing everyone to groan as they were forcefully woken up.

Robbe and Sander were the only ones who weren’t too upset. They just glanced at one another with flaming embers. They were hopeful for the future. Hopeful for new beginnings. Hopeful for their brimming love. 

It was a love that overflowed to the point of no return..and they had no plans to go back. 

They could ride off into the night blindfolded as long as they knew the other waited for them at the finish line. 

They still went to class. They still went to practice. But everything felt as if someone had covered the planet over with rose-tinted glasses, blooming everything with a sense of warmth and optimism they never felt before. 

The garden was their oasis of love. A paradise where only they existed. They would roll all over each other on the grass, still sticky and sweaty from practice, but the cold winds of November always reminded them what time of the year it was. Sander took as many photos of Robbe as he could, wanting to capture it even if it was the most mundane task. To him, it didn’t feel as if time was running out. 

_ Time felt infinite. _

The soft squeeze of Robbe’s hands on his waist brought him back to current reality. 

“What is it?” Robbe asked. 

Sander took a deep breath in, admiring his lover’s face all over, “I don’t want to sneak around like this for much longer,” he confessed, cupping one side of the boy’s face, “We shouldn’t have to hide our love.” 

“I know,” Robbe reassured him, pressing a soft kiss on his right cheek, “It won’t be long.”

Robbe added, “As long as I have you.”

Sander could only kiss him again in gratitude, “You are everything.”

He looked around the room for a second, weighing his options.

Looking back at Robbe, Sander smirked, whispering in his ear, “Do you want to go somewhere special with me?”

He didn’t have to ask twice. Of course Robbe wanted to go somewhere special with Sander. 

_ That was a fucking no-brainer. _

Robbe smiled, wrapping his arms around Sander’s neck, “Where’s this special place you speak about?”

He raised his brows in question, “Is it the garden?”

Sander shook his head, grinning with immense pride, “Nope.”

“Don’t tease me,” Robbe winked, “Just take me.”

“Oh, I will, Mr. Ijzermans.” 

Robbe laughed as they left the locker room, watching as Sander scurried out of the building. The wind blew extremely chilly that night, hitting in all directions as Robbe hugged himself tight to brave it. 

They walked for nearly fifteen minutes until Sander stopped to stand in front of an old warehouse. Its iron domed-roof stood above them like a celestial god. Despite its tall stature, the actual building resembled some shanty old town cathedral and looking at its condition, it probably hadn’t been used for a few years. 

“What’s this?” Robbe questioned, growing more curious by the second.

“Just come,” Sander motioned his head so he could follow suit.

The blonde opened the door with ease. It wasn’t locked or protected with any security measures, which intrigued Robbe even more. 

Stepping inside, the grand place was mostly bare, with only the slightest of flickering lights burning on and off every few minutes. In fact, most of the light came from the moonlight that poured through the cracks of the covered windows.

Despite the light, it was a little too dark for Robbe’s taste, so he stuck close to Sander as he walked across the concrete floor. 

They continued until they made it in front of _ something _. 

Robbe squinted his eyes to get a closer look, unsure of what he was looking at. It was as if a rectangular box had been cut into the depths of the floor, but it still looked like nothing. 

Sander broke off to run towards the other end, lifting a flap that ultimately juggled the whole thing.

_ Oh. _

_ Sander was lifting a tarp off of it. _

Once revealed in all of its glory, Sander threw the tarp behind him and looked at Robbe with his arms spread wide open, a cheeky grin spread over his facial features.

Robbe couldn’t help but gasp at the beauty of it. 

It was a small pool. _ A very artsy, small pool? _

He didn’t know how to describe it. All he knew was that lights on the bottom lit it up like a rainbow flashlight, brightening everything in his close proximity. The part that stuck out the most was the actual water. It wasn’t really blue. Well, it was, but it created the illusion of being swirled with various colors all over, almost as if it were some live rendition of a painter’s heavily used oil paint palette. It was a whirlpool of tints taken out of a science-fiction novel. 

Upon closer inspection, he even saw glitter sprinkled all over it. 

“Sander,” Robbe parted his lips, “This is beautiful. In fact, it’s actually insane, but is it something you made? What are we going to do?”

Sander raised his brows, beginning to take off his jacket and eventually everything else.

Robbe nearly choked on his breath, stuttering, “What-What are you doing?”

“Come on, Robbe. This isn’t new,” Sander laughed.

Technically, he was right. It happened plenty of times in the locker room before and after matches, but this was _ different _.

“Right, well, I just-”

He couldn’t finish his thought, covering his face with his hands as Sander took a small jump into the vibrant water. 

“Sander...”

Robbe's mouth fell open in shock as the colors immediately dispersed all around the blonde, washing him over in illusioning, tiny splatters of color. 

“Come, Robbe, please,” Sander begged, sticking out his bottom lip for extra emphasis. 

“Is it even safe to jump into?”

“I’ll explain everything once you’re in my arms.”

Robbe couldn’t help but blush at the thought, and Sander’s endearing smile was enough to convince him to let go of his common sense for the night. 

He stripped off all of his layers quickly to avert any long gazes and just _ jumped _.

The water enveloped Robbe immediately, stinging his bruises a bit from the match earlier. The ripples twisted around him, bubbling and purely rebirthing him. 

As Robbe rose up towards the surface, he felt the pure tranquility of water moving softly against his fingertips. He pulled his hands out, watching the drips fall off, all transparent yet opaque at the same time. It all resembled a sapphire sky, with water reflecting off the clouds of swirling color that decorated the “what seemed to be” art installation. 

“Come,” Sander smirked, putting his arm out so Robbe could take it and pull him close.

Robbe floated over to the boy, blushing so hard as his heart threatened to jump out of his chest. 

Sander pulled him in close enough that Robbe eventually straddled his lap.

The brunette sweated bullets, feeling too hot despite the cold water that swam against him.

He tried to jumble words together, “This is so intimate.”

“Of course it is,” Sander whispered, “I only want to be like this with you.”

Robbe smiled in understanding, leaning forward to press a short kiss on Sander’s lips, “Me too.”

“Are you going to explain everything now?” he teased.

Sander rolled his eyes, “Right, well, you probably already guessed it, but it has to do with my art class.”

“The pool has been here for a while. It was part of a youth center that the city eventually discontinued. My group had a project to transform any everyday object into something wacky. So, we looked and looked until we found this place. It was like hitting the jackpot,” Sander winked.

“It took us an entire day to do everything. We installed a bunch of waterproof lights at the bottom, filled it up with water, sprinkled glitter, whatever. It was a fun little thing.”

Sander doubted himself, “I don’t know. I thought it would be a cool idea to bring you here.”

Robbe shook his head, “I love it.”

“Really?”

“Yes.”

Robbe looked at him with complete heart eyes, “I love it mostly because it was your idea to come here in the first place.” 

“I just want to experience everything with you now, Robbe,” Sander mumbled, bringing his face closer to steal a quick kiss. 

“We have all the time in the world.”

Robbe wrapped his arms around Sander’s neck, pressing their foreheads together as water dripped off their hair. 

“I want to know something,” Robbe said, “When did you first start having a crush on me?” 

Sander snorted, “Crush? You’re thinking too low.”

“Then what?”

Sander looped his arms around Robbe’s waist, bringing the two of them closer than they’ve ever been, “Well,” he paused, “I fell in love with you the moment we locked eyes for the first time.” 

“Fell in love?” Robbe hummed, feeling a warmth he never felt before with the colorful water swirling around him and Sander holding him tight. 

Sander’s arms felt like an anchor that tied him down in the water like a vessel, and Sander’s love anchored him down to a level so deep, Robbe knew he wouldn’t float away. _ Ever. _

“I’ve been in love with you for a while, little Robin,” Sander whispered, trying to nip Robbe’s ear but failing as the boy playfully turned away.

Robbe giggled, “That nickname...”

“You don’t like it?”

“I didn’t for a while, because I thought you were always teasing me with it,” Robbe pouted, sticking out his bottom lip.

Sander leaned in forward, pecking Robbe’s lips once. 

He pulled back with a small smile, “I won’t call you that if you don’t like it.”

Robbe shook his head, trying to tease Sander a bit, “Robin is cute.”

“Robin?”

“Yes.”

“I’ll call you my love,” Sander mumbled against Robbe’s lips, the two of them grinning so hard, they didn’t know if they would ever get out of the pool. 

Both of them couldn’t keep their eyes open whenever they broke apart for a breath between kissing. They could only flutter their eyelids ever so slightly to the electric pulses that ran through their veins as they whirled around in the water. They were completely and utterly in love, roaming their hands around to feel, touch, caress every single part of one another.

When they finally stopped for a moment, Sander brought his fingers to play with the angel pendant, flipping it every so often just like when he stayed over at Robbe's house. 

Robbe whispered, “Sander?”

“Hmph?”

“You’re always giving me compliments,” Robbe blushed, “and I feel like I never do.”

“I don’t need you to-“

Robbe wrapped his arms tighter around Sander, “No, you do. And I’ll give them to you. Because I want to.”

Sander intently looked at Robbe, a hint of a smile hidden behind the anticipation he felt.

Robbe started, playing with the wet strands of hair that fell over Sander’s forehead, “I’m so glad I met you. You don’t even know for how long I just daydreamed about you. For so long, you were just a fantasy. The most beautiful fantasy.”

_ Sander’s love jumped. _

He continued, “And you are the most talented artist. I wish I could hang every single drawing you show me in a fucking museum. You told me a few weeks ago that I was the perfect muse, but Sander, you are the most beautifully painted page of an illuminated book.” 

_ His love jumped over the hills and over the high points of mountains. _

“You’re kind, caring, supportive, passionate, funny,...should I go on?” 

_ It soared past the clouds into the vast universe where everything seemed endless. _

Sander glanced at him with a dazed look on his face, too distracted by the fact that Robbe was actually there. _ With him _. And they were naked together in a colored pool and the pieces of glitter that floated around were sticking on to Robbe’s skin so beautifully, Sander wished he could take a snapshot and paint it as the biggest mural he could find in Antwerp.

Instead, he was satisfied keeping this sight only for himself. Robbe was _ his _ and he couldn’t believe it.

He didn’t know what to say. He felt so overwhelmed that he only swallowed hard and nodded his head. 

“Okay,” Robbe pretended to think, “You’re the best player on our damn team and-“

Sander shook his head, “No you are, Robbe.”

“Nope, you are.”

“Robbe.”

“Yes, Sander?”

Sander felt on the verge of tears, happy ones, ones that he hadn’t felt for a very long time. 

“Robbe...” Sander muttered, trying his best not to press against the boy and just _ lose _ themselves in each other. Just so Robbe could feel how much he wanted him in that moment and every moment since he saw him walk onto the pitch all those years ago. 

The sweet sound of Robbe’s voice was enough to lull him into familiar comfort and he felt so drunk in love, he thought he might pass out. 

“I want to see you at your happiest,” Robbe continued.

“I’m at my happiest when I’m with you.” 

Sander knew that was 100% true. 

“You are a treasure,” Robbe smirked before taking a breath in, “And you’re so fucking cute.”

Sander whined, “Robbe. I want you so bad.” 

Robbe captured Sander’s bottom lip, biting it gently and eliciting a quiet whimper from both of them. 

And they kissed and kissed until they could no longer feel. 

The feeling was addictive, and they never wanted to quit. 

After floating around for an hour, just touching and locking lips, Sander suggested something to Robbe, “I have another art project due at the end of the month,” he explained, “I’m starting to sketch the beginnings of it tomorrow at my apartment. Do you want to come over?” 

Sander muttered under his breath, “You’ll just have to deal with my very nice, but also very annoying roommates.”

“I’ve seen them before. At the bonfire.”

“Oh, right,” Sander looked down, wanting to forget that night, “I wish I could’ve introduced them to you myself.”

“It’s okay, I promise,” Robbe reassured him, lightly running his fingers up and down Sander’s arm, “Of course I’ll come by tomorrow. We can chill all day.”

“We can do more than that if you want,” Sander winked.

“You’re such a tease.”

“I know,” Sander leaned up to graze his lips against Robbe’s ear, “but I can’t help it when you keep looking at me like that.”

“Like what?”

Robbe leaned forward in eager curiosity, teasing the boy by nearly touching lips. 

Sander’s breath wobbled, “Do you want me to give you the details?”

“I won’t complain.”

“And you say I’m the tease.” 

They spent the rest of the night in each other’s arms as they swished and splashed all over the cool, crystalline aqua. The marvelously variegated water swirled and swirled until it seemed to nearly mix all together to form a solid color of dark fuchsia. The glitter sparkles shone off of their bodies in the moonlight, and the moment was so perfect, they kissed again until their lips felt numb. 

By the time they thought it would be a good time to get out, the pool felt so medicinally thermal that it was nearly impossible to drag themselves up to gather their clothes and pull it over themselves. They held hands as they ran out of the warehouse, running as fast as they could in loud giggles so they wouldn't die from hypothermia. 

The icy phantom winds of the night were no match. 

Robbe and Sander were both flames. They were flames that burned even deeper the closer they were to each other. Together, they shined brighter both inside and outside, showering the world with their love and flicker of light. 

\-----

Sander woke up extra early the following morning. 

He tidied all around his room in hopes to give it some semblance of organization. His stacked pile of David Bowie vinyl records nearly tipped over off his desk, but he managed to fix it by leaning it closer against the wall. 

Even though he thoroughly showered himself the night before to get rid of all the glitter, he still did it again once he woke up to be sure. 

He slid out of his room with a bunch of papers in his hand, noticing Noor eating breakfast by herself in the kitchen. 

“Noor! Please help me.”

The girl smiled at Sander’s nerves, “What is it?”

“Robbe is coming over in about an hour and I just want to cook something for him.”

“Aw, look at you,” she got up to take the papers out of his hand, reading over the list of recipes he printed out, “You never cook me anything.”

“I’ll cook whatever you want after today.”

“You’ll say you’re too busy with practice,” she sighed. 

“I promise I won’t.”

Noor giggled as she watched Sander pace around, trying to think of something. 

“Hey,” she finally grabbed his arm, “It’s okay, Sander. I’ll help you, but you know you don’t have to go all out. I’m sure it’s just you that matters most to Robbe.” 

Sander shrugged his shoulders, “Yeah, but I want to do it anyways. I just want to make up for lost time and-”

“You and Robbe now have all the time in the world,” Noor smiled at him, “Please don’t stress yourself out over that.”

Sander nodded his head as he slowly shuffled towards the kitchen, trying not to wipe out his entire existence as he pulled out a few utensils and baking ingredients. 

Noor stood by his side for assistance as the two eventually decided to make blueberry pancakes, drizzling it all in syrup just in time for the doorbell to ring. 

The girl couldn’t even steal one blueberry out of Sander’s hand before he dropped them all into the sink and ran towards the door. 

Robbe stood in the doorway, immediately lifted up in the air by Sander as they spun a little. Laughing with each other, Sander placed Robbe back down on the floor, holding his waist as he leaned forward to capture their lips together. Robbe naturally wrapped his arms around the other boy’s neck, feeling as if they were floating on weightless clouds.

“Hi,” Robbe giggled, trying not to move as Sander kissed all over his face. 

Sander hummed in content, “Hi.”

The blonde immediately brought the two of them inside, shutting the door with his foot as he led Robbe through with his hand. 

They made it to the kitchen where Noor was already busy eating a pancake.

“Robbe!” The girl squealed, coming over to embrace him. 

Robbe kissed her cheeks hello as he sat down, “This looks amazing. Did you-”

“It was all Sander’s idea. He tripped over his feet this morning to do this all for you,” Noor teased, throwing the blonde a quick wink. 

“Sander,” Robbe smiled, looking back at the boy, “You didn’t have to.”

Sander moved to sit right next to him, “But I wanted to,” he replied, “Did you already eat breakfast? Or do you not like blueberries? Or are you just not hun-”

Robbe kissed him square on the lips, making Sander forget all of his worries.

“I’ll eat anything you make for me, Sander, seriously.”

“Just be careful, he’s not the best with dinner,” Noor added, giving him a disapproving look.

“Noor…” Sander whined.

Robbe laughed at the two of them, slowly eating his pancakes as they chatted for the rest of the morning. 

At one point, Engel joined the party, already dressed but still sleepy as she rubbed her eyes awake. She gave Robbe a small wave and hello before plopping right next to Noor, eating the leftover blueberries on her plate. 

Once it was time to clean up, Robbe cleared his throat, grabbing Sander’s hand under the table, “Um, can I ask you two something?”

The girls looked at him with a warm smile, “Of course!”

Sander glanced at Robbe, rubbing his back as soon as he noticed the boy’s nerves. 

His question was nearly a silent murmur. 

“I just,” he sighed, “How do you think we should let people know we’re together?” 

Engel tilted her head in understanding, “By people, do you mean your team?” 

Robbe nodded his head, “I guess.”

“Robbe, I won’t speak for you or your experience. That’s the last thing I would want to do. Whenever you decide, it’ll be a time that you think is right. If things go south and you get a bad reaction, well, just go straight to your coaches and the school,” Noor answered.

“Do you think they would kick us off the team?” Robbe brought up the possibility.

The girl immediately grabbed his free hand that lay on the table, “Robbe, please. No, they wouldn’t. If they do, please tell me because I will gladly walk over to the school and have a word,” she emphasized.

“I know you two are dying to be with each other without feeling afraid of how those around you will react. Take your time, really, and only do it when you’re ready. Focus on other things as well because your thoughts will burn you alive if you constantly worry about it. We’re here for you. And do you have others…?”

“Yeah, my Mama knows. My best friend, Jens, does too. Not about me being with Sander, but me liking guys…”

“See,” Noor smiled, “I’ve only gone to probably _ one _ of your football games, but I’ve seen how the team treats you guys, at least from a distance. Most of them love you. Maybe there’ll be that one asshole, but that one asshole won’t change how you feel about each other, right?”

The two boys nodded their heads, taking a deep breath in. 

Robbe decided to ignore the weird comments made by his teammates a while ago about Sander having an ego on the pitch.

He cleared his throat, smiling a little bit, “I didn’t mean for the whole mood to turn upside down. Like you said, we’re gonna do it, but I just wanted to talk to you guys about it.”

Engel grinned, “It’s always okay to lean on people for support,” she looked at the two of them, “And both of you look so happy together.”

“You guys aren’t alone,” Noor said, getting up from her seat to press a kiss on their cheeks, “We’re always here even though we both have to leave right now,” the girl laughed. 

Robbe nodded his head in understanding, ”Thank you.” 

He and Sander waved goodbye as the two girls said their sorries and scurried out of the apartment, claiming they had an appointment at the hairdresser that they needed to get to. 

Sander turned to look at Robbe with a comforting smile, pressing their lips together, “Good vibes, yeah?”

Robbe giggled, “Good vibes.”

“Come on, then,” Sander raised his brows, standing up and opening his arms to signal Robbe to jump.

He immediately followed, wrapping his legs around Sander’s waist as they fumbled in laughter towards the bedroom. 

They spent the next two hours in bliss as they usually did, talking and teasing each other with their lips. 

Sander eventually found the strength to leave Robbe’s arms to start sketching for his project, sitting himself down on a chair and placing his sketchbook on the desk. 

He sat there for a while, tapping his pencil against the wooden surface, scrunching his face up in concentration. 

“Are you having trouble?” Robbe asked him from a distance.

“Yeah,” Sander murmured, “Guess I’m not in the right headspace today.”

He heard shuffling behind him, looking up as Robbe finally stood beside him wearing only his white T-shirt and underwear. The boy seemed a bit sleepy, rubbing his eyes as he motioned Sander to lean his chair back. 

So, Sander did. He pushed his chair back to give Robbe space as the boy crawled over him, wrapping his legs around Sander’s waist and the chair. 

The blonde chuckled as Robbe shifted around to find a comfortable position, leaning his head against Sander.

“What are you doing?”

“Do you want me to get off?”

“No,” Sander firmly said, “I like this.”

“Okay,” Robbe mumbled, feeling Sander rub his back with his free hand. 

They pecked each other on the lips before Robbe nuzzled his face back into the crook between Sander’s shoulder and neck. 

Their eyes closed shut for a while, listening to Bowie’s singsong tunes bop off Sander’s record player. 

Just as “Heroes” sounded off, Sander pressed a small kiss on the back of Robbe’s neck.

“Robbe?”

“Hm?”

“What if there was something about me that I hated telling people about? Something that I hate so much, almost nobody knows about it?”

“How bad is it? Have you committed any crimes?” Robbe’s voice muffled against Sander’s sweater. 

“Nope.”

“Then, you don’t need to worry,” Robbe stated matter-of-factly, lifting his head up so he could look at Sander with a hint of worry, “Do you think I would leave you?”

“Yes.”

“Why?”

“Because,” he swallowed, “I try so hard to take care of myself on my own and whenever I even try and think about being with somebody else, bringing them into my world... I just - It feels like I’m burdening them.”

“What about-”

Sander shook his head, “She’s not you. I don’t ever want to lose you, Robbe.” 

Robbe lightly kissed all over his face, making sure Sander felt every single part of his love for him. The older boy smiled at the touch, leaning in so Robbe could do it some more.

“You shouldn’t be afraid to tell me anything, Sander.”

The boy nodded his head, trying to change the subject a litte, “My relationships in the past have never been the best.”

“With her,” he paused, ”She was like a sketch. A sketch that I wasn't too sure about, even more so as time passed.”

Sander kissed him once, “But you...you’re my entire finished painting, Robbe.” 

“I am?”

Sander nodded, “One that I will never forget. An absolute masterpiece.”

Robbe’s insides tingled with so much love. He was ready to lift himself off of Sander and drag both of them back to the bed.

Sander was curious, “Have you ever seen II Paradiso by Tintoretto?” 

“No, I haven’t.”

“It’s a massive oil painting in the Doge’s Palace in Venice.” 

Robbe wiggled his eyebrows in anticipation, “Yes, and? Tell me more.” 

“You’re like my II Paradiso.”

“Maybe you can bring me there one day,” he suggested.

Sander kissed Robbe hard, still amazed at the fact that he can do so, “I promise you I will.”

...

As the sun set, it neared time for Robbe to go back home and eat dinner with his Mama. It felt nearly impossible to let go of Sander, who kept smothering him with kisses at the door. 

“Can I ask you something?” Robbe mumbled under Sander’s lips.

“Yeah?”

Robbe sounded almost sad, “You liked me so much. Why did you keep your distance for so long?”

Sander’s face grew serious, his mouth set in a deep line, “I’m still so sorry. I don’t know why. I guess I was so intimidated by you and the way you made me feel. I got scared. And then you always looked like you wanted to kill me,” he weakly laughed. 

His tone quieted down, “I thought you actually fucking hated me, so I backed off. I kept away from you and it hurt me so bad to do it.”

Robbe wanted to kick his own past self in the face. 

“I could never hate you,” he reassured Sander, “And I never did. No matter how much I tried to convince myself.”

“Plus, I never wanted to kill you? More like kiss you,” Robbe giggled, trying to make him feel better. 

He continued, twirling his finger in Sander’s hair, “It was sort of my way of hiding how much I wanted you too.” 

Sander smiled back up at him, booping his nose with Robbe’s. 

The blonde smirked, “Well now you have me. You can have me forever, if you want.”

“There’s no doubt in my mind,” Robbe grinned, almost tipping over as Sander hugged him tight. 

He really didn’t want to let go. 

“I’ll see you on Monday?” Sander asked.

“You will.” 

The two kissed goodbye, and Sander only leaned against the doorframe as he watched Robbe walk away. 

It was a bit scary to him how fast they were becoming nearly two halves of a whole. 

His love was pure and his heart grew larger everyday if it was even possible, beating soundlessly. He knew there was no limit to how much he adored Robbe.

Sander couldn’t put it into words. He couldn’t describe it. He wanted to attach something to the dizzying madness of it all. 

He nearly wanted to tell the boy, “I love you,” before they let go of each other’s hands. He wanted to say it because it summed up a long story short. The three words were enough to sum up the things he was incapable of summing up himself. 

It was a soul-fulfilling consumption. 

\----

Robbe entered his house feeling light as a feather, dropping his bag on the couch as he skipped into the kitchen to say hello to his mother. 

He stopped in his tracks once he saw her already sitting at the dining table, slowly eating the food off her plate.

His plate sat lonely in its usual spot, covered by a piece of plastic. 

“Mama?”

She looked up at the voice of her son, weakly smiling, “Hi, my love.”

“Is everything okay?”

Robbe hesitantly sat himself down in his chair. 

Nodding her head, she replied, “I’m fine. How was visiting Sander? Did you guys have fun?”

He coughed a bit, “Yeah, we had fun.”

“I’m glad.”

Robbe could cut the tension in the room with a knife, not really knowing what to do as he lifted the plastic off his plate. 

His Mama seemed to fight a battle within herself, taking a deep breath in before looking back towards him with a serious expression, “Robbe.”

It had been a very long time since the boy saw her in such a state. Soon, twenty-year-old Robbe Ijzermans hunched back into his thirteen-year-old self. 

“Yes?”

“Um,” she hesitated, “Your father called early in the morning.”

He didn’t say anything, prompting her to continue further.

“We’re getting a divorce, Robbe. Final decision.”

Robbe was taken aback. 

It was as if a vortex of nerves swallowed him alive. His stomach knotted up and he started to sweat. 

He couldn’t respond to her words at first. He only gaped at her with a dumbfounded expression.

“Oh.”

He played with his fork, turning it over and around before he finally took a breath in, “Mama...”

She immediately put her hands up and shook her head, “I don’t want you to worry about me, okay love?” 

“But...”

She made it clear, “Robbe. It was inevitable.” 

But he wasn’t focused on her words anymore. His emotions ran rampant as he recalled every single memory he could remember with his father.

Robbe went to bed early, too overwhelmed with his thoughts and fears that he didn’t want to worry his mother even more. 

It angered him how his day began so perfect and ended so sucky. 

_ So typical. _

Smushing his face against his bed pillow, Robbe inhaled deeply, ignoring the single tear that rolled down his cheek. 

He didn’t want to cry, but he also needed to let his emotions out.

It stayed like that for a while, with Robbe unable to fall asleep and only staring out his window. 

The only thing he did was scroll through Sander’s instagram, smiling at all of his silly post-match celebration photos and blushing at some of his selfies, admiring the boy from afar. 

That managed to make him feel a little bit better. His nose was still runny and his eyes were probably a bit red, but his Mama told him not to worry about it. And he wouldn’t. At least for now. 

His phone buzzed with several notifications just as Robbe was busy screenshotting a picture of the boy.

Sander: _ robbe _

Sander: _ i miss your face and i can’t sleep _

Sander: _ if you’re awake, can we facetime? ♥️ _

Robbe smiled, too smitten with Sander to realize he didn’t want the boy to see him in his current state. 

He changed his mind quickly though, hoping possibly that his lover’s face could bring him a better mood. 

Robbe: _ im awake ♥️ _

Robbe: _ facetime me whenever _

Sander: _ calling you right now _

His phone rang a few seconds later and he quickly answered it. 

Sander’s face popped up on the screen, the edges of his lips immediately growing into a wide grin as soon as he saw Robbe.

“I saw you today and I already miss you.” 

Robbe smiled back, hiding himself a bit under his covers, “I miss you too.”

“Why are you hiding?” Sander laughed. 

“I’m not,” Robbe’s voice cracked. He closed his eyes in annoyance, cursing himself for doing it so loudly. 

Sander’s smile wore off, “Is something wrong?”

Robbe continued to smile, “No.”

“Robbe…”

“Nothing’s wrong.”

“Hang up the call then if you’re not lying and we’ll just see each other at school on Monday.”

“Sander…” Robbe grew exasperated. 

“You’re not hanging up the call…”

“Maybe because I want to talk with you?”

They looked at each other in silence. 

“Please just tell me if something’s wrong, Robbe. Did I do something?”

Robbe firmly shook his head, “No, no, you didn’t do anything, I promise.”

“But, there’s something on your mind…”

Robbe sighed, nearly giving in as he rubbed his eyes in exhaustion. He tried his best to avoid getting teary-eyed, but his voice went weak. 

“It’s just - I - I don’t know,” he felt himself tremble, turning away so Sander couldn’t look at him. 

“I want to sleep but my thoughts are running so fast. It’s killing me and-”

“Robbe. I’ll come over right now.”

He immediately disagreed, stuttering over his words, “No, Sander, please you don’t have to. Really. I’m okay.”

“I’m putting on my boots right now,” Sander said, shuffling around in the background as the phone camera faced the ceiling. 

Robbe knew there was nothing that could change the boy’s mind so he flipped off his covers, pacing around the room as the call stayed on. 

“Sander?”

“Yeah?” His voice answered, shutting a door behind him as the screen flipped back over to his face. 

Robbe breathed, “Just be careful, okay? It’s nearly midnight.”

“I will. Don’t worry about me.”

“Okay…”

“Stay near the door so I don’t have to ring the doorbell?”

Robbe nodded his head, moving to head towards the living room. 

“I’ll call you once I get there so I don’t lose my battery.”

“I’ll be here,” Robbe mumbled.

“And I’ll be right there with you too,” Sander sent him a small smile, puckering his lips to send him a kissy face, “Bye.”

Robbe couldn’t help but smile back, “Bye.”

The call ended soon after and Robbe spent the following time huddled on the couch, bored enough to start counting the number of stripes on each throw pillow. 

Ten more minutes flew by as Robbe leaned his head back, facing the ceiling before he received a text. 

Sander: _ i’m here :) _

Robbe didn’t answer, only getting up in a hurry to slide on over to open the door. Once he swung it towards him, the other side revealed his sleepy boyfriend who sheepishly raised his shoulders with an inviting smile.

He didn’t really think. He just acted. 

Robbe jumped into Sander’s arms, hugging him so tight. He closed his eyes in gratitude. He never felt more safe. 

“I just want to sleep,” Robbe mumbled.

“We’ll go to sleep together, then,” Sander reassured him, walking through the entrance and quietly shutting the door. 

“Is your mother already asleep?” Sander whispered in his ear, walking slowly so he wouldn’t make a big fuss.

Robbe hummed a quiet yes, clinging a bit harder onto the boy’s leather jacket. 

Once they made it inside Robbe’s bedroom, the two of them eventually found themselves holding each other tight under a few blankets. As Sander held Robbe from behind, he watched the slow rise and fall of the boy’s chest, tilting his head a bit so he could kiss Robbe’s cheek. 

In the midst of the silent darkness, Robbe mumbled, “My parents are divorcing.”

Sander held him as if his life depended on it, “Oh, Robbe…”

“I’m just worried about my Mama.”

“I promise everything will be okay.”

“I hope so,” Robbe whispered, flipping around so he could lay face to face with Sander, “I don’t talk to people a lot about my family…”

He continued, “I guess it’s because I always felt like no one paid attention to me.”

“I always paid attention to you, Robbe.”

The statement made the edges of his lips bend upwards to smile. His heart swirled with deep fondness, tilting his chin up to meet Sander for a tender kiss. 

He had never felt so loved. He had never felt such warmth. Robbe felt grateful for the boy in front of him, who, despite spending nearly the entire day together, still looked like he couldn’t get enough of him. He felt as if they had been seeing each other nonstop for the past few days, but the scary part was that it still didn’t feel like enough. 

Robbe eventually told him everything, feeling like a water pipe bursting as he rambled on. He told him about the time his Mama went to the psychiatric hospital. He ranted about his earlier conflicted relationships. With his father. With football. With his sexuality. 

Sander never looked away as Robbe poured his heart out, nearly crying all over again. Sander only nuzzled his face against the brunette, whispering sweet nothings into his ear as their words soon turned into a jumbled mess, signalling that sleep was ready to take over. 

The last thing they saw before snoozing was each other, and it was enough to spiral them into heavenly dreams for the night.

Robbe Ijzermans sent a silent prayer. He prayed the universe wouldn’t give him one good thing in his life, only to take away another. 

….

The next morning fell quiet. 

It was to Mama Ijzermans’ surprise when she woke up and padded down the hallway, rubbing her eyes open to get rid of her sleepiness. Still unsure of what she planned on making for breakfast, she opened the door to her son’s bedroom, wanting a second opinion but realized she would get a third as she gazed upon the sight of two familiar boys tangled in each other’s arms. 

She didn’t say anything. Instead, she only lovingly smiled at the two, tiptoeing back out of Robbe’s room as carefully as she could to avoid waking them up. 

From afar, Robbe’s Mama knew the two were destined to be lovers. She knew ever since the two waltzed in through her door drenched in rain. She could tell just by how their gazes lingered on one another, and the way Robbe’s voice went softer than she had ever heard it. 

It made her heart soar.

….

Robbe stirred in his sleep as he tried to shield his eyes from the sunlight pouring into his room, draping all over his body. He shifted around a bit until he heard a low whimper behind him. 

Sander scrunched up his face in annoyance that he was woken up, trying his best to go back and wrap his arms tighter around Robbe. 

Robbe lightly laughed, turning around so he could sink further into Sander’s arms.

They realized these were the moments they wished they could keep with them forever, secured in a golden locket around their necks. 

“Hey,” Sander smiled as he finally opened his eyes, tucking strands of Robbe’s hair that were growing out a bit behind his ear.

“Hi,” Robbe sleepily mumbled, wrapping one arm over Sander’s body to bring him closer.

“Come,” the boy quietly whined, “You’re too far away.”

Sander giggled at his sleepy words, moving closer to lace his hands with Robbe’s and kiss him. He responded with such enthusiasm, it made Sander’s head spin. 

Robbe held such inviting warmth, and Sander _ hated _when he was forced to separate lips in order to find air. 

“What’s this?” 

Robbe held a piece of Sander’s new hoodie between his fingers, examining it before realizing whose it was. 

Sander snorted, “I changed quickly while you tried to find a blanket last night.”

Robbe playfully huffed, “And I didn’t notice?”

“You were pretty sleepy,” Sander laughed, absentmindedly stroking Robbe’s arm back and forth. 

The brunette cutely mumbled nonsense under his breath, rolling his eyes before giving in, “Keep my hoodie.” 

“I wasn’t going to give it back,” Sander winked. 

“Shut up,” he muttered, moving to grab the pillow under him so he could smack it against Sander’s chest. 

They both giggled in hysterics as they tried to move out of each other’s grasps, ultimately failing as Robbe grabbed Sander’s waist back towards him.

They laid restless on top of each other, only hearing their heavy breaths and the low whistle of the wind blowing against the window. 

Sander had his head on Robbe’s chest, softly murmuring, “I can hear your heartbeat.”

“Yeah?”

“Mmph.”

“It beats for you.”

“Don’t be so cheesy,” Sander blushed, “but do continue.”

Robbe laughed too hard, “I learn from the best.”

\----

Monday flew in like a songbird. And it perched directly on a tree branch that cradled around a private study room of Antwerp U’s library.

Looking inside, Robbe stood behind his chair as he played with a football in his hands, preparing for the best and the worst at the same time. He wasn’t necessarily someone who saw things as only black and white, but in times like this, he liked the option of being both optimistic and pessimistic.

“I’m in a relationship with Sander.”

_ A metaphoric bomb exploded on the table stacked with textbooks and laptops. _

Robbe’s friends had never gaped harder in their entire lives.

Aaron waved his hands around, “Wait, wait. Say that again, Robbe?”

Jens and Moyo still only stared. Robbe couldn’t gauge what they were feeling. 

He was firm, “I’m together...with Sander.”

“And I’m really, really happy,” he added. 

“Wow…” Jens grinned at him like a mad man.

Moyo looked at him with confusion, “You knew?”

“I mean, I didn’t know about Sander, but I knew about…” 

“Got it,’ Moyo smirked, looking back at Robbe, “I feel good that you like us enough to finally confirm.”

“Finally confirm?” Robbe laughed, raising his brow in question.

“I mean,” Moyo dramatically sighed, “I saw that dude totally look like a lost puppy in love when you dragged us out of the arena that night.”

Aaron opened his mouth, “Dude, you’re right! Robbe pulled my sweater so hard, it nearly ripped.”

Robbe rolled his eyes in jest, “Sorry, Aaron.”

“And that explains why Robbe hated talking about him so much too,” Moyo realized.

Aaron leaned back in his chair, “You were totally crushing. Everything makes sense now.”

Jens looked back at his best friend, “Have you told the team yet?”

Robbe looked down, “No, not yet.”

“Don’t do it if you’re not ready, man.”

Aaron agreed, “I mean, we totally got your back. Do you want us to be there with you? We can be like your personal bodygua-”

“Stop,” Robbe snorted, “It won’t be that serious.”

“If you say so,” Aaron shrugged his shoulders.

Jens sent him another smile, “If you’re happy, then we’re happy.”

“Thanks, guys.”

He hid it behind his own small grin, but his friends’ reactions made Robbe’s entire day. He felt so good that he grabbed his laptop and opened up his scholarship application to fill out another section.

The group eventually shifted into a wildly different conversation as he typed, something about toothpaste. He didn’t really want to know. 

Either way, Robbe was too busy smiling like an idiot as he picked up his phone to read the missed messages.

Sander: _ walking to class right now _

Sander: _ would rather be in your arms instead _

Sander: _ i’m looking through my camera roll _

Sander: _ there’s this one that we took back at my apartment _

Sander: 

Sander: _ cutie _

Sander: _ i want to be with you again so bad ♥️ _

Robbe grinned wide, resting his chin on one hand so he could admire the photo, the texts, Sander in general, and--

Quiet whistles interrupted his thoughts. 

Everyone looked at him with teasing smiles.

Pointing a finger at Robbe, Moyo made a grand gesture with his hands to Jens and Aaron, “Broerrrs, that’s a man in love.”

…

On Tuesday morning, Robbe entered his Health & Psychology class feeling light as a cloud.

Sander had sent him a bunch of photos of his drawings the previous night, promising Robbe that he would be able to see them in person whenever they saw each other again. 

They flirted like mad men over text, and it made Robbe flutter. 

_ This really was love _, he thought.

He opened the door and glanced around the lecture hall, ready to plop himself in whichever seat he found particularly interesting that day. 

The place was still empty, with only two or three students sat already in their seats. 

He strode up the steps to the middle rows until a hand on his shoulder nearly threw him back. 

“Robbe.”

He recognized that voice.

Unwillingly, he turned around to find Britt looking at him. Her features held an expression he couldn’t read at all and just seeing her face again gave him bad flashbacks. 

“Hi, Robbe?”

“Hi?”

She cut to the chase.

“Are you together with Sander?”

“What?”

“I’m asking if you and Sander are together?” Britt grew impatient, crossing her arms across her chest and tapping her foot down on the floor. 

Robbe didn’t know what to say. Of all people, Britt was the last person he wanted to tell anything about his relationship status. 

“I don’t know what to say to that.”

She looked exasperated, “I really don’t care if you are. Sander already told me when I tried to text him.”

“What the fuck, Britt?”

He hoped to God that they weren’t making too big of a fuss as they continued to argue on the side.

“Have you two been keeping it a secret? Have you even told your teammates yet?”

Robbe wanted to tear his hair out. Now, he wished he never even came to class. In fact, if they weren't so far into the semester already, he would have withdrawn from the course as soon as he walked back out the door. 

“That’s none of your business.”

“Robbe,” the girl placed a hand on his shoulder, “I just wanted to check if you’re holding up?”

“What?”

Robbe was more than perfectly fine. In fact, he was the happiest he had ever felt in his life. 

“I’m asking,” she clarified, “Because of everything that comes along with Sander?”

“What are you talking about?”

She raised her brows. 

“He’s _ bipolar _, Robbe.”

He blinked, losing all of his words.

He had none of them for the girl in front of him.

She continued on as if it wasn’t a big deal, “It’s not always the best time, but you’ll learn how to cope together and it’ll-”

Robbe’s hands were balled so tightly into a fist, he had to lean them against the chair in order to contain his anger. 

He wanted to yell at everyone. He felt crying. 

Robbe sent her a glare so dark, he wasn’t even sure if he was himself anymore. 

“Why are you telling me this instead of him? What the fuck?”

“I just wanted to let you know. I’m so sure he hasn’t told you yet because he’s afraid. He was the same with me.”

Robbe felt his heart rate rapidly rise as he started to feel hot all over his body.

_ He and Britt were not the same. _

He clenched his jaw, “You have no right to tell me that. Only he does. And he would’ve told me when he was ready.” 

“But Robbe…”

Robbe didn’t want to hear anymore. In fact, he just wanted to go home and call Sander. He really just wanted to be with Sander. 

Robbe inhaled a deep breath, “I don’t mean to be blunt, but can you please just stay away? Leave me alone. Leave _ us _ alone.” 

His breath trembled so badly, he knew he was on the verge of tears. 

The girl didn’t say a word, only able to stare at Robbe with uncertainty in her eyes and eventually turning back around to go down the steps. 

Robbe sighed in relief, readjusting the bag on his shoulders and simply walking out of the classroom. He needed to be away from everything at the moment. He needed his emotions to run through so he could finally go back to a normal state. 

Once he ran home and snuggled under his covers, he couldn’t fight the tug to pull up his phone and research as much as he could about bipolar disorder. He did it for about an hour, trying to retain the information he read but soon feeling submerged in water.

Robbe sadly smiled up at the ceiling. 

He was so sad. 

Sander was the last person he was upset with. In fact, he was the only person Robbe wanted to be with at the moment. But a war now brewed in his mind over what to do. He hated that he wasn’t even given the choice by Britt to find out. Now, he was stuck with information in his head that Sander still didn’t feel ready to tell him. And he felt like an asshole knowing such an intimate part of him without getting his consent. 

He heard his phone ring and buzz multiple times, but he decided to ignore it. 

Robbe felt horrible. 

\-----

It wasn’t until the next day that Robbe realized he fell asleep with the same clothes on. 

_ Damnit, _he thought. 

He still didn’t want to look at his phone, too overwhelmed with the previous day’s events.

A knock on his door broke his thoughts.

“Robbe?” His Mama peeked her head through.

“Yes?”

She opened the door wider, giving her son an empathetic smile, “Everything okay?”

“Yeah,” he lied, “It’s fine.”

She moved close to caress his face, “That’s good.”

“I wanted to tell you...there’s someone waiting for you in the living room.”

Robbe’s heart jumped, beating way too fast. He felt as if he was spinning in multiple directions.

“Who?”

His Mama laughed, “I think you know who...but he seemed a bit upset?”

Robbe sighed as he leaned back against his pillow.

“Is something wrong?”

“No,” he rubbed his eyes, “No, I just...I’ll be out soon.”

“Okay, sweetie,” she kissed his cheek and left the room.

Robbe ran a hand through his hair. _ Why was he acting like this? _

The last thing he wanted was for Sander to think he was some asshole ignoring his calls and texts without a proper reason. In fact, knowing him so well, Robbe knew he probably made Sander feel as if he screwed something up. 

He immediately got up and changed into new clothes, striding out of his room with newly found determination. 

Entering the living room, Robbe immediately noticed Sander sitting on the couch with his head in his hands. 

The sight made him much too upset with himself. 

He fiddled with his hands, building up the courage to speak, “Sander?”

The boy immediately looked up at the sound of Robbe’s voice, getting up and walking across the room to approach him. 

Robbe noticed how Sander kept his distance. 

_ Fuck. _

“Hi, Robbe?”

Upon a closer look, he noticed Sander’s disheveled hair and tired eyes. He probably didn’t sleep last night and Robbe blamed it all on himself. 

“Sander…” he whispered, quickly walking up to him and wrapping his hands around his neck.

The older boy naturally sunk into him, wrapping his arms around Robbe's waist as he deeply sighed. 

They hugged in a tight embrace for a long time, and once they let go, Sander looked at Robbe with hesitant eyes, “What did I do?”

Robbe fiercely shook his head, “You didn’t do anything.”

“Okay…” Sander nervously laughed, still feeling a bit unsure.

“Did something happen to your Mama?” He asked, looking at Robbe more worried now. 

“No, she’s doing much better,” he smiled, grabbing Sander’s hands to squeeze them. 

Sander swallowed hard, “Sorry. I guess I got worried.”

“No, I’m sorry. I should have texted you back,” he paused, “My thoughts just ran wild and...I felt like exploding. A full _ Chernobyl _.”

The blonde smiled at him, growing more comfortable, “I know how it feels.”

Robbe wanted everything to feel okay again, so he leaned forward to press their lips together, nearly whining as he realized how much he missed the feeling. 

Sander groaned, moving to grip Robbe’s waist as they slowly sat themselves down on the couch. 

It was as if the universe reshifted itself back into the correct place after a slight misdirection. It felt like galaxies bursting into cosmic bursts of stardust. 

Robbe knew he had the intention of spending each and every single day loving the boy currently tangled in his arms. 

He wouldn’t say anything about Britt. Instead, he would wait for Sander to tell him himself because it was his choice to make. He planted that thought in his mind and let it sit. 

Sander flipped themselves over as he lay on top, gleaming at Robbe in delight, “You are so beautiful.”

He blushed. It was hard getting used to how much Sander complimented him. The boy nearly bursted in his desire to shower Robbe with his romantic words.

Robbe tried to cover his face before he was eventually attacked with Sander’s kisses.

“And I missed you so much,” Sander added, “So much.”

The words were sweet like sugar, but his actions spoke a completely different story. 

Sander nearly grinded down on Robbe as they lifted their hips up to meet each other, and the feeling was so surging, Robbe had to stop kissing him after a few seconds because he was so overwhelmed. 

Sander pressed their foreheads together, giggling a bit, “Sorry.”

Robbe gasped for air, “No, I- I’m sorry.” 

He laughed a bit afterwards, “Look what you do to me.”

Sander raised his brows, “What?”

Groaning, Robbe leaned his head back, “Nothing.”

“Did you want me to tell you how much I love your touch? Or how I can’t get enough of it? I love feeling every single part of you,” Sander teased, brushing their lips together as Robbe lifted his hips up again in response.

Robbe grew hot all over, nearly wanting to run back towards his room with the blonde in tow but realized his Mama was home. 

He giggled against Sander’s lips, “Not right now.”

The boy pouted.

“We can try and do something else tonight?”

Sander thought for a moment, “Well, there’s this party Noor told me about. It’s tonight, but I’m not sure who it’s hosted by.”

Robbe shook his head, “That’s okay. We can go and check it out, if you want? I don’t mind.”

Sander kissed him in agreement, “Then it’s settled.”

They sunk into each other’s arms soon afterwards, forgetting about everything else for the next few hours. 

Sleep eventually enveloped over them like a thundercloud. 

\-----

As the night edged closer, Robbe and Sander walked hand in hand towards the house party, stealing a few kisses every so often. While it was named a “house party,” it was actually located in an abandoned building near the River Scheldt. 

The party was so loud, it felt like it could be heard from miles away. The booming music made Robbe’s skin tingle and his lungs constrict. Loud chatter could be heard over it, but it all blended into hazy mush as the two boys wandered around the entrance. The bass seemed to thump in sync with their heartbeats, eventually feeling as if they were all one sole being. Neon lights flashed all over like police sirens, almost as if it were foreshadowing future events. 

There were free, endless drinks everywhere. Everyone already seemed drunk and tipsy enough to start lingering with random strangers. The inside was dark and extremely hot, making Robbe feel sticky within two minutes of entering. People were gathered in group clusters, but others dispersed all around, chatting up anyone in their sight. 

Robbe didn’t really like going to these types of parties. In fact, he nearly stopped going at all around his first year at Antwerp U. 

Sander was the same. He was someone who could only handle the booming environment for so long until he felt like going home and drawing in serene quietness. In fact, he would rather be on the field playing a quick game of footie than going to these types of gatherings. 

Sander scrunched up his face, “Maybe we shouldn’t have come.”

Robbe nodded his head in agreement. 

The two stuck together, deciding they would leave in a couple of minutes before a pair of hands shoved them playfully. 

“Robbe! Sander!”

The two boys both turned around to find a wild Noah sweating bullets, but widely grinning at them nonetheless, “You two made it?"

They reluctantly dropped their hands. 

Robbe tried to come up with an answer, “Um, we were just walking by and saw this place…?”

“Bro, same! Most of the team is here too.”

Robbe never wanted to leave a place so badly. 

“We were just about to go.”

“Dude, why?”

Noah grabbed them both and shoved them further into the crowd, “It’s just started!”

Sander felt like he could vomit with the gusts of heavy smoke that pounded his head in. It was a familiar scent, though, as he recalled all the times Britt dragged him to these exact types of places, always ignoring his pleas to not go.

The strong whiff of alcohol intoxicated and buzzed inside them . 

Dancing to the music, Noah grabbed two beers and handed it to them. 

“Here guys,” he started to jumble his words together, “Enjoy the night! I still want to see you here in thirty minutes.”

The night felt endless.

Instead of getting lost with each other in the middle of the dance floor like they wanted, the two boys opted to stand together in a far away corner, only sipping tiny drops of beer from their bottles as they watched couples around them make out and dance as wild as they wanted. 

Robbe crossed his arms, too angry at everyone having the freedom to do what they wished while he stood still with the boy he loved so much right next to him. 

A few minutes later, Senne found them across the room, walking up with a huge grin and swaying his head with the music, “Fun night, right?”

Zoë was right behind him, dancing happily around with her friends. 

“Yeah,” Robbe forced a smile, at least trying his best to seem enthusiastic. 

Sander chugged his bottle for a few seconds, shrugging his shoulders, “Don’t think it’s my vibe.”

“Not your vibe?” Senne laughed, “You were having a blast here with Britt last month.”

Sander’s jaw ticked, “Senne.”

Realizing his words, the captain immediately shook his head, “Sorry, man. I forgot.”

Senne awkwardly looked between them before deciding it was better to just wave goodbye, and all Robbe could do was play with the beer bottle in his hand as he looked down at the ground. 

Once Senne was out of sight, Sander immediately stepped in front of Robbe, “Let’s go,” he pleaded with his eyes, “I fucking hate having to do this.”

“I know. Me too,” Robbe mumbled, knowing exactly what Sander was complaining about.

“I didn’t ask to be at a party where I have to hide,” he scoffed, growing more and more frustrated as the seconds passed. 

Robbe followed the boy out in a hurry, trying his best to not get lost in the crowd. 

He cursed at the amount of beer bottles strewn all over the floor. Alcohol spilled and no one cared. _ People were absolutely vile. _

Nearing the door, they felt as if they were in a never ending maze. The exit seemed impossible to reach as they were stopped by David, absolutely drunk off his ass.

“You guys are leaving already?” He slurred, nearly tripping over an invisible obstacle.

Sander looked him dead in the eyes, “Yeah, we are.”

David scoffed, “That’s so lame.”

The blonde looked at the guy up and down, nearly cringing at his disheveled appearance. The bottle in David’s hand nearly tipped over the way he loosely held it. His clothes were rumpled and stunk of body odor. The white T-shirt he donned was covered in red lipstick stains. He looked like a mess. 

“What’s lame is that you don’t even realize how much you’re embarrassing yourself right now.”

With that, Sander grabbed Robbe’s hand, ignoring David as he drunkenly yelled “Fuck you!”

The older boy led the two of them outside to finally catch a breath of fresh air, but Robbe knew Sander was growing overwhelmed with how fast he walked away, heavily breathing in short intervals.

Robbe immediately grabbed the boy, moving them so they could lean against the wall on the back of the building.

He pressed their foreheads together, closing his eyes as he breathed in with Sander. 

“Hey, I’m right here, okay?”

Sander tried to nod, but he squinted his eyes in frustration. 

“We’re the only ones here now. You and me.” 

Robbe lightly pecked Sander’s nose, moving to kiss each of his closed eyelids, his cheeks, then all over.

He kept doing this until he could elicit some type of smile from Sander, even if it was a small one. 

“Come on, I know it’s in there somewh-“

“I’m sorry.”

“What for?”

Sander wildly waved his hands, “For the shit Senne said in front of you.”

“About Britt?”

The boy weakly nodded his head, feeling too much like an asshole. 

Robbe grabbed Sander’s hands to press against his heart, “Hey,” he tilted his head, “That doesn’t matter to me.”

Sander didn’t say anything.

“Only you do,” Robbe whispered, also bringing his hands up so they could intertwine their fingers together. 

But Sander couldn’t stop his thoughts, immediately backing away from Robbe as he tangled his hands in his hair. 

“I don’t want you to see me like this…”

“Like what?” Robbe tried his best to stay patient, just wanting to soothe the boy he loved so much. 

Sander shook his head, “No, you don’t understand, I have...” 

He couldn’t finish his sentence.

Robbe grabbed his hand again, “Nothing you have will make me leave, Sander. Even if you think it’s the worst thing. No matter what.”

He continued, “And it’s actually not the worst thing in the world at all.”

Sander looked at him with glossy eyes, “Have you ever seen the medication in my bag?”

“No...”

“But, do you know…”

Robbe battled the thoughts in his head, driving him nuts with the building pressure it pushed on him. He no longer wanted to hold secrets. He didn’t want to hide anything from Sander. Once he jumped over that fence, he knew he would finally feel free.

So, he nodded his head, holding Sander’s hand so tight, “I do.”

Sander’s voice was exhausted to a breaking point, cracking as he replied, “Who told you?”

“It doesn’t matter.”

“Was it Britt?”

Robbe didn’t say anything. He only grabbed the boy’s face and pressed their foreheads together again. 

Sander shook hard. He couldn’t escape the tears that slid down his face.

“Fuck, Robbe. I’m so sorry.”

“It’s okay, Sander, just look at me,” Robbe begged. 

Sander tangled his hands in hair again, pulling on its edges, “I didn’t want to put this all on you when you were already worried about your mom and,” he gasped, “I didn’t-”

Robbe grabbed Sander’s wrists immediately, pulling his hands out of his hair, “Sander, I promised you nothing will break us apart.”

“I promised you that,” Robbe repeated. 

Sander shook his head.

“Britt had no right to tell me something that was yours to tell in the first place.” 

Robbe felt on the verge of tears, “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry she did that.”

He kissed the tip of Sander’s nose, “But that’s not going to push me away.”

Sander weakly laughed, “You won’t be saying that when I’m yelling at you to leave me alone or shutting the door in your face or ignoring your calls for days on end.”

“I’m going to do stuff that’s going to eventually push you away.”

“Sander,” Robbe emphasized, “I’m listening. I’m listening to everything you’re saying, but it’s not enough to convince me we shouldn’t be together.”

“Yes, you have bipolar,” he finally said it out loud, “And you’re still able to sketch and draw like the talented artist you are. And you’re still scoring goals and breaking records like nobody’s business. You are so amazing, Sander. I will never be able to put it into words. The fact that you want to share a part of your life with me is something I am so grateful for.”

He rambled on, “I know it’s so hard for you sometimes, and I won’t act like I know what it feels like, but I’m going to be on your side forever. We’ll learn _ together _ how to deal with everything. Step by step. Day by day. _ Minute by minute. _”

Sander’s sniffles were quieting down, and his hand gripped the collar of Robbe’s sweatshirt so tight, he was afraid Robbe would disappear if he let go. 

“I’m always on your side, Sander. On the good days and on the bad. Believe me.”

Sander nodded his head for a bit, trying to take in all of Robbe’s words.

“I believe you.”

Robbe breathed out in relief, never wanting to let Sander go. 

He gently grabbed the boy’s face and lightly kissed all over it, making sure to leave his lips a few seconds longer on the tears that stained Sander’s face. 

The older boy wrapped his arms around Robbe so tight. They were each other’s anchors in the deep, dangerous waters of the world. 

“Don’t push me away,” Robbe mumbled into the boy’s shoulder.

Sander only hugged him tighter, nearly popping all of the air out of their lungs.

A few minutes passed as they stood against the building that still pounded with music. They didn’t say anything. They expressed everything they felt through their caring touches and the soft caress of them pressed against each other. 

Robbe sensed Sander was loosening up as he squeezed their hands together, trying his best to cheer him up more.

“We can go back to my place or your place or we can-”

“I love you.”

Robbe stopped talking, looking at Sander with parted lips and an astonished look on his face.

“What?”

Sander’s breath wobbled, “I love you.”

The boy gathered his thoughts to gently grab Robbe’s face, “I always have, but you prove it to me every day.”

He said it again, “I love you, _ Robin _.”

Robbe felt dumb as he continued to gape, unable to process the amount of love and warmth and adoration and fondness he held for Sander in that moment. He wanted the boy to know how much he loved him since day one, and now he was nearly speechless. 

Knowing he had to eventually say something so Sander wouldn’t feel on the ropes after making such a leap, he gave him his biggest smile. 

He kissed Sander once on the lips, “Your little Robin,” he teased.

“My love. My Robbe.”

Robbe’s eyes turned soft, looping his arms around Sander’s neck so he could bring them as close as he wanted.

“I love you too.”

Sander finally smiled at that. Despite the tears that still edged around his eyes, he smiled so wide Robbe was afraid he would melt right in his arms. 

Robbe realized he didn’t make it clear the first time so he repeated himself, “I love you, Sander. So much.”

They didn’t waste any time to crash their lips together this time, pressing against each other as they devoured every single part they could reach. 

Their touches were warm and curious. They were getting used to the stirring feeling inside of them as they locked lips. Every kiss they exchanged made them eager for another. 

Sander’s hands knotted in Robbe’s hair, making the younger boy’s lips part in response, unable to hide the quiet gasp that escaped. 

Robbe’s lips felt raw, unable to tell who was breathing for who at this point but he didn’t want to stop. 

Sander didn’t want to stop either. He furrowed his brows in concentration, too focused on trying to memorize this feeling for whenever he had to be apart from Robbe. 

Their confession of love plunged them off a cliff of safety and familiarity into the essence of the unknown, but they were so sure. They were so sure in everything that they felt in that moment. Both of them wanted to run off hand in hand, ready to live their life the way they always wanted to. 

Sander dipped Robbe at one point, making the boy laugh and _ —-wow— _Sander wished he could hear that forever on an infinite loop. 

They twirled around for a bit. Robbe’s head rested on Sander’s shoulder as they came to grip with everything. 

“Can we just go home...” Sander whispered.

“I wish we were talking about the same place.”

“We’re not?”

Robbe tilted his head in confusion.

Sander bashfully looked down, “I feel at home whenever I’m with you.”

Robbe hummed in delight as he hugged Sander, tucking his head in the crook of his shoulder.

Sander never thought he could love this much. He didn’t think it was possible to hold it all and he grew so afraid knowing that if he ever lost even one piece of it, the pain would kill him soft and slow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hihihihi again!!! 💜💙💜💙
> 
> I want to thank everyone from the LITERAL bottom of my heart for their kind comments, kudos, hits, literally anything you guys have given this fic! this au is something I find myself very invested in haha, and it's so so amazing to hear that it resonates with some of you, especially those who have messaged me saying they never expected to like this story because of the football aspect!
> 
> every time I write for robbe and sander, it's a rollercoaster. being able to try and at least describe their feelings, desire, and absolute love for each other in words is very hard sometimes, so I really did pour my heart and soul into this chapter!!
> 
> as I start to write chapter 4, I will write where I think my heart wants the story to go. As I wrap up certain plot lines, I may end up splitting into slightly shorter chapters 4 + 5! idk yet though haha!
> 
> again, thank you so much for the love you guys have given this fic!! I GENUINELY TEAR UP READING YOUR COMMENTS!! 😭🥺😭🥺
> 
> like always, I appreciate any and all feedback, I listen to it all! I love you guys and hope you're all safe and doing well.
> 
> -with so much love, robbesanderx  
Tumblr: sanderdriessen


	4. the final moments

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! We've reached the end of this story. I want to thank everyone from the bottom of my heart for reading, giving kudos, comments, anything of that sort. It gave me motivation I never knew I had. 
> 
> Please enjoy the final chapter of "run and score." <33
> 
> warnings; explicit cursing, slight description of injury

An empty football pitch in the middle of the night would usually steer Robbe away from ever even stepping a foot on it. It was unusual to see one in such a state when Robbe was so used to being on it with teammates around every corner, laughing and filling up the entire space with life.

But, things had been changing rapidly in his life. 

It’s how Robbe currently found himself with Sander on a small field at almost midnight, passing a ball back and forth between them as they joked around and fumbled to tackle each other to the ground. 

The sweet sound of deep laughter made Robbe look up, finding Sander failing to balance a football on his chest, letting it fall so he could flick it up and down. 

On the night of the party, when both Robbe and Sander decided to finally unwrap themselves from each other 's arms, they walked for a long time. They walked for so long, they eventually ended up in front of a football field where they spent nearly two hours on it, pretending to kick an imaginary ball and foolishly falling onto the grass where the other would whistle to signal as a referee. 

Their little escape helped to calm everything down a couple of notches that night, especially as Sander feared Robbe was only being nice to him for the sake of it and his bipolar disorder. Nothing had ever been further from the actual case, in which Robbe stopped playing with the ball at some point and curled on the ground with Sander again, kissing all over his face in an eternal promise to never let go. The chance to be alone on something so familiar to them was what they so desperately needed. It was a space they were used to playing on, yet its emptiness felt all too disorienting at the same time.

They thought it’d be fun to come back the following days after, so they did. They knew it was the only time they were finding the freedom to be themselves on the field. 

Returning to the present, Sander let the ball fall down, jogging over to Robbe who seemed busy inside his own thoughts. 

“Hey,” he breathed out, tugging on Robbe’s black hoodie to grab his attention, “What’s up?”

Robbe smiled up at Sander and his own white hoodie, which seemed to drown him in its oversized nature. 

“Everything’s good,” he finally replied. 

“Yeah?”

“100%.”

Sander thought over something for a few seconds before looking back, giggling once he spotted Robbe’s sweater paws. He immediately did the same and intertwined their covered hands together. 

“We can tell them tomorrow night after the game,” Sander suggested, swaying a little as he walked closer.

“I’m fine with that.”

Sander playfully nudged Robbe’s shoulder, “You sure?”

“Of course,” he replied, leaning up to quickly press their lips together, “Why do we need to wait any longer?”

The older boy nodded, laughing a little, “I’m actually more nervous for the game itself...and I just don’t want to mess it up for the whole team when we’re so close...”

“You’ll do great,” Robbe assured him with a soft smile, letting go of their hands to loop his arms around Sander’s waist, ”And if we lose, it’s the entire team’s fault, okay?”

Sander smirked, “Good luck kiss?” 

Robbe laughed, pretending to contemplate his question. He wanted to tease. 

In a lightning quick decision, he leaned forward to kiss Sander for two seconds flat before turning on his heel and sprinting away in childish giggles. 

The younger boy ran and ran across the pitch to reach the exit gate, the freezing wind blowing in his hair as he basked in how wildly free he felt in that moment. 

Only the dim floodlights of the field guided him on where to go.

Whatever looming thoughts that were choking Robbe inside his own mind disappeared as soon as Sander’s presence showed up. He was an angel sent from heaven and Robbe was lucky enough to fall in love with him. 

He almost made it to the gate before a pair of familiar hands wrapped around his waist and tackled them both onto the ground.

Neither stopped laughing as they wrestled around on the grass. Robbe wanted to tell Sander his entire hoodie was getting covered in dirt, but he couldn’t with his ragged breaths, chest heaving as he tried to calm down.

Sander pinned Robbe under him, cheekily smiling as he crawled over. 

“What are you doing?” 

“I’m doing what I wanted to do last time but you were too chicken to kiss me.”

“You had a girlfriend! I didn’t even know you liked guys,” Robbe tried to defend himself, unable to hide the cheesy smile on his face as he adored the boy up above him. 

“It was still cute watching you act like you didn’t want to.”

“Shut up.”

Sander leaned down to capture their lips tenderly, smiling against Robbe as he mumbled, “I’m so glad I have you.”

Robbe hummed in delight, hugging him from the ground as Sander fell slump against him in exhaustion.

“Let’s go home,” he whispered in his ear, gently rubbing his back.

Sander groaned, “I feel good right here with you.”

“I do too, but it’s also freezing cold.”

The words made Sander grow more aware, noticing how his entire body shivered and his exposed legs felt nearly frozen. Despite the warmth of being in each other’s arms, he realized it wasn’t enough to fight potential hypothermia.

“Okay,” he sighed, slowly getting off of Robbe and pulling him up at the same time. 

They walked back home hand in hand, every once in a while trying to step on each other’s heels to annoy the other. Robbe leaned his head against Sander’s shoulder before taking a sneaky step behind and jumping.

Sander grunted as the younger boy landed on his back, grabbing his legs so that they could wrap his torso. 

“Now we can’t hold hands,” Sander pouted, laughing as Robbe planted sweet kisses along his ear. 

“I’m still holding on to you.”

“Forever?”

“Forever.”

The two eventually reached the corner where they usually went their own separate ways. 

Sander delayed his departure as long as he could as he leaned them up against a tree, kissing each other goodbye in slow, tantalizing seconds. Kissing Robbe always felt like the first time. It ignited fire within Sander’s bones, or as if his soul returned to the water. If he was a dead star, kissing Robbe made him come alive again. 

Sander reluctantly let go, letting their lips linger and pressed their foreheads together. 

“I’ll see you tomorrow at the game.”

“Me too,” Robbe smiled, booping their noses to get a laugh out of him.

It was a success as he watched the curves of Sander’s lips rise. 

“Goodnight,  _ liefje.” _

“Night, my Robin. I’ll dream about you tonight.”

Robbe grinned as he watched Sander shove his hands into his own pockets, walking away until disappearing out of sight. 

He had never anticipated going to a game so much in his life.

....

The warmer-than-usual night rolled on a slow teeter. 

Robbe was currently flicking a ball up and over his feet, slowly trying to control it as he walked onto the pitch. His cleats dragged over the freshly cut grass, feeling the dirt seep out as a figure walked by to give him a big pat on the shoulder.

Luc looked back, sending him a playful wink before motioning his hands for Robbe to pass him the ball. 

He kicked it over, still feeling a bit tired from his late night adventures. 

“Two more, man, and we’re there,” Luc told him, a wide grin on his face. 

Robbe managed to send his teammate a small smile back, not really saying anything as he looked around the pitch. 

The familiar comfort of being back on home soil brought him immense confidence and hope, but his mind still felt a bit juggled over everything he experienced within the past few weeks. 

Despite his entire relationship with Sander that made him happier than ever before, Robbe still felt emotionally drained from his issues at home. He didn’t want to think about it for too long, but he always came back to the same feeling that he wasn’t doing enough for his Mama. The last thing he ever wanted to be was like his father. 

Plus, the divorce affected him much more than he had anticipated. It was easy to forget when he was with Sander, but Robbe realized once they pulled apart from each other, it was as if the sun was forcefully taken away from the sky, leaving a dark, abyss of nothing in its wake. 

Robbe didn’t want to burden anyone, so he stayed quiet. 

His willpower, though, wasn’t enough as he sat in the library earlier in the week with Yasmina, who promised him she would listen to anything he wanted to spill, good or bad. She held his hand in support as he tried to contain his emotions, which all seemed to be swelling into one huge pit of sorrow.

It was a long afternoon as he burst into tears as soon as she finished speaking. The droplets of water fell onto his textbook and wetted the ink on the pages. Yasmina immediately held him and rocked him back and forth, whispering soothing words of encouragement as he sobbed his heart out. 

He explained everything to her once he calmed down, fumbling over his words but still managing to get the point across.

_ Yasmina reassured him, “Robbe, there’s nothing wrong in telling your feelings to someone. In fact, it’s almost always the best thing to do. I don’t ever want you to hurt yourself inside by building up words and emotions. You have to let it all out at some point, whether it’s by telling someone like me or just simply writing it down.” _

Robbe nodded as he listened to her advice, sniffling as he took in a deep breath. He and Yasmina stayed inside the library the whole night, up until where she felt like everything was okay. 

As he walked home that night, he knew she was right, and there were things he needed to do to start heading in that direction.

Now walking along the edge of the field, Robbe waved wildly as he spotted Jens, Moyo, and Aaron already seated in their usual spots. The three friends stood up, waving just as wildly back. 

That cheered him up a little. 

As the game approached, Robbe only walked by Sander once, the two exchanging comforting smiles as they ran to their respective spots. 

Though, something must have caught Sander’s attention as Robbe barely made it to his net when a pair of hands turned him around. They stayed on his shoulders as Sander looked at him with concern. 

“Is everything okay?”

Robbe smiled, “Yup.”

“Robbe, seriously.”

“I’m just tired, really.”

Sander felt guilty, “I’m sorry for making you stay with me so late yesterday.”

“No,” Robbe needed him to know that, “I loved going there with you. It was the best part of my day.”

That managed to make him smile a little, “Then what?”

They couldn’t mistake the referee coming out of the tunnel ready to start the game. Robbe didn’t have enough time at the moment to explain everything. He trusted Sander with every fibre in his being, and he knew it would only make things better to actually communicate and let him know if something was bothering him. 

“Can I tell you when we’re on the way home?”

“Of course,” Sander assured him, “And we can stop for fries too if you want.”

“You always know the way to my heart,” Robbe giggled.

“How else did we end up together?”

“By letting me kiss you and feel a bunch of fireworks explode in my head?”

“I could kiss you so hard right now.”

Robbe playfully shoved Sander away, smiling as he watched him run to his respective spot. He wrapped his own hands with his gloves and clapped them together, ready to get another game underway and be one step closer to the playoffs. 

With the blow of the whistle, all of the players began to smooth into their flowing rhythm, passing and passing in order to cut through the lines and make it past the defenders for a decent link-up play. 

Robbe never yelled so loud in his life as he watched Hugo score the opening goal around the 21st minute, allowing nearly the entire arena to clap like thunder. If they kept it like it was, they would continue their winning streak and head into the final game in good spirits. 

Antwerp U was playing better than they ever had, easily slicing through the defense and breaking down the opposition’s midfield. They could have scored three more goals by now if they hadn’t been so careless in front of goal. Robbe only crossed his fingers that it wouldn’t bite them in the ass later on. 

Halftime passed and Robbe grew weary as more and more chances were being kicked his way. He blocked most of them, letting a few run past him in blind luck that it wouldn’t be towards goal. 

Robbe held his breath as he heard their home crowd start to rumble in excitement, watching as Hugo played quick passes with Sander, nearing the opposition’s net in flash seconds. The crowd soared in louder cheers as the two players waltzed their way to the net. 

As someone who watched and played football on his own time, Robbe knew it was a fast game. Sometimes, it took only a second and one move, good or bad, to spin it on its entire tail. 

Robbe was unable to comprehend what happened next.

All he knew was that an opposing defender slid down to the ground, aiming to get the ball off of Hugo and Sander. Their efforts utterly imploded as they failed with extremely bad coordination. The tall, opposing defender tackled both of them, who were gliding with the ball seamlessly, onto the ground. The move was so badly timed, the referee immediately blew his whistle to call a foul. 

The boys landed on the grass with a hard thud, tangling legs together in a mess, and it didn’t take long for the entire team to run towards the culprit, throwing curses all around and arguing with the other players. 

Robbe immediately sprinted to find out what happened, but as he tried to approach, Coach Peeters reprimanded him by waving his hands wildly.

“Robbe, go back to your post!”

The arena showered echoing boos all around, like a dark cloud ready to let rain loose upon all of them. It confused Robbe when the whistles and yells turned to whoops and cheers again. He didn’t know what for until he saw the referee pull out a red card and point it towards the opposing defender. 

The player bucked his head in anger and disappointment, quickly getting up and storming inside the tunnel. 

Robbe lifted his hands up in frustration, trying his best to remain calm as Noah walked past him, “Noah, how are they?”

“I don’t know.”

“That fucking defender didn’t even get a touch on the ball.”

Robbe cursed under his breath. 

From afar, he only grew more nervous as he watched Hugo slowly rise to his feet, contorting his face in mild pain as he tried to wiggle his feet around, making sure everything felt okay. The part that made sirens ring in Robbe’s head was the fact that Sander still lay on the floor, writhing around as he pressed his face into the grass to withstand the extreme discomfort. 

Robbe watched as Coach Peeters called for the team doctors to check on his player. A group of two men and one woman soon ran onto the field with a few boxes of equipment. They kneeled down to examine the striker, and Robbe couldn’t really see the rest as his view was blocked by teammates who huddled around Sander. 

It felt like his throat was on fire. 

He was ready to ignore Coach Peeters’ orders, immediately beginning to walk towards the scene again until his breath steadied at the sight of Sander slowly getting back up, bouncing his leg up and down in order to feel around. 

The boy winced as he hopped on one foot, but managed to stand on two as everyone around him kept checking all over. 

Sander waved them all off, taking a sip of a water bottle nearby before throwing it to the staff to catch as he hobbled back to his position. 

Robbe couldn’t do much more as the referee quickly whistled to resume play of the game, making him rush back to his post, an itching worry in the back of his mind as he watched the staff gaze at the striker from the bench with concern. 

The remaining minutes of the game remained passive, luckily for Robbe, as he couldn’t take his eyes off of Sander. In fact, his concentration was so off, he nearly kicked the ball to the wrong player, making Senne send him the most threatening glare he had ever seen. 

Hugo’s only goal was enough to win them the game and at the final whistle, the home crowd cheered in deafening claps and screams. Robbe immediately ran off towards the locker room, taking the quickest shower of his life and changing into some casual clothes. 

He waited and waited as his teammates entered. Some were enthusiastic while others seemed off in the clouds. Robbe thought the whole locker room would be banging in celebration at the idea of another win. They only needed one more to reach the playoffs, but everything felt off. 

Nearly fifteen minutes passed as everyone changed to leave, and Robbe’s mind popped off in all directions. He felt as if he would create a bruise with how hard he gripped his hands against the wall. 

_ Still no sign of Sander.  _

Robbe eventually found himself alone all over again. 

This time, there would be no boyfriend sneaking up on him with his hair dripping wet, ready to kiss Robbe into oblivion.

He leaned against his locker and texted his friends until he finally heard commotion behind the door. His heart raced in anticipation, nearly leaping out as he watched Sander enter. The boy was clearly in pain as he continued to limp.

Robbe was ready to rush to his side until every staff member quickly followed him in, asking a million questions per second. 

_ “Sander, does it still hurt?” _

_ “Is the pain getting worse?” _

_ “Why didn’t you ask to be subbed off?” _

_ “You need to sit down.” _

Sander rolled his eyes as he troubled himself to take a seat, nearly tripping until Robbe noticed and ran to hold him up.

The striker immediately looked over, giving him a pained smile as he moved to grip Robbe’s hoodie.

“Just sit, okay?” Robbe pleaded, noticing the redness around his ankle. 

Sander could only nod in understanding.

Minutes seemed like hours as Robbe stood close by to watch the nurses examine the bruised area, lightly rolling it around to check. 

“Fuck!”

Sander shoved his head against the locker in pain, and it took everything in Robbe’s willpower to not sit right next to him and squeeze his hand. After seeing him in such a state, Robbe never wanted to know the universe where Sander suffered anything worse, like a tendon rupture or a broken leg. 

“It’ll be okay,” Robbe felt uneasy, playing with his hands to ease the nerves.

Sander immediately looked towards him, eyes begging for companionship. 

“Can you come here?” he asked.

Robbe held his breath for a few seconds before moving his feet and sliding right next to him.

Sander whimpered in pain as he leaned his head against him. 

Robbe felt like he was saying the same thing over and over again, but he wanted to say it until Sander believed him. 

“It’ll be okay, I promise,” he whispered.

Sander grunted, shoving his head further into Robbe as the nurse slightly pressed on his ankle.

“That fucking hurts.”

The lady sighed, getting up before walking towards Coach Peeters and telling him a few things in private. He nodded in response, walking over to the boys as they anticipated the next step.

“Sander, we have to take you to the hospital. It may be a bit worse than we expected.”

A look of pure shock took over Sander’s face, unable to process his words, “What do you mean? Do I have to miss our final game? Did I break something?”

The coach shook his head, “I’m not sure. We have to take you to the hospital so they can run tests. We’re hoping for the best.” 

Sander groaned against Robbe, scrunching his face up in annoyance.

“We’ll call your parents so they can meet you at the hospital.”

“My mother lives in Brussels.”

“That’s not too far away. She should be able to make the ride over to check on her son.”

Sander nodded before asking for something else, “Then can Robbe come with me now?”

“Robbe?”

“Yes, Robbe. I want him with me.”

Coach Peeters tilted his head in confusion, “I guess he can. I’ll have to make sure. But he'll need to wait a bit before visitors are allowed. Is that okay?”

The two boys answered “Yes” in seamless unison.

“Okay, then. We have to get going now,” he pressed.

They both agreed in acceptance before Sander turned back to Robbe, “Help me up?”

Robbe immediately wrapped an arm around him, pulling them both up to stand. They never let go of each other until a small ambulance came over to pick everyone up. 

The inside was too sterile for Robbe’s liking, and his previous experiences in one hadn’t been the best, so he tried to ease his nerves by counting the tiles on the ceiling. 

_ One, two, three, ... _

Sander immediately noticed Robbe’s nervous ticks, nudging his shoulder so he could look at him, “Robbe?”

“Yeah?”

“Do you want me to list all of David Bowie’s songs?”

“You can if you want,” he sent Sander a grateful smile. 

“Don’t worry, I’ll personalize each one and tell you which parts remind me of you,” he whispered, “but mostly how beautiful you are. Inside and out.”

“Oh, Sander...it’s okay-“

“I’m trying to help you feel better.”

“But you’re the one with an actual injury,” Robbe weakly laughed.

Sander told him firmly, “Robbe, I’m not going to ignore how miserable this ambulance makes you feel, okay?”

“It makes me feel miserable too,” Sander added. 

Robbe looked at him painfully, “I’m sorry. I’m not making things better, am I?”

“What a silly question.”

Despite being tackled to the ground and potentially fucking up his ankle, Sander never felt more happy, “You’re the only person I want to be with right now...and thank you for coming. I’m so lucky to have you.” 

“Me too,” Robbe mumbled. 

The two were dying to kiss each other. The urge to do so filled every single part of their body as their veins coursed with desire.

Sander only questioned it for a few seconds. He didn’t really care about the other people inside with them.

“Don’t be afraid to kiss me, Robbe.” 

The brunette stared at the boy in front of him. The fear that always pierced through him slowly melted the longer they looked at each other. He only felt pure love and adoration, which pushed him to lean forward and meet Sander in the middle for a short, but tender kiss. 

Robbe expressed himself through the entire intimate moment with gentle force, desperately trying to tell Sander that there was nothing in the world that would’ve prevented him from not going with him to the hospital. Accompanying him was a simple gesture, and it was easy enough to be there for support.

Sander’s hand moved up to cup Robbe’s cheek, trying to bring him closer. 

Before they knew it, the two were just basking off the taste of each other’s lips, slowly enjoying each other in the moment. When they pulled away, they quickly examined their surroundings. The first responder was busy writing stuff down, but Coach Peeters looked at them with slight merriment. 

He cleared his throat, “I had no idea.” 

Sander immediately spoke up, “Sorry Coach, I-“

“What are you apologizing for?”

“Um, I don’t know.”

“Mind telling me what’s up?”

“Well, I like Robbe…”

“I can see that.”

The coach tilted his brows with intrigue, quietly laughing to himself, “Just keep the PDA down a bit, yeah?”

That was not the reaction they expected, especially for a coach who just watched two of his players kiss inside of an ambulance. No one said anything for a few seconds, leaving a moment of silence to linger as the vehicle shook up and down.

Coach Peeters noticed their tense faces and leaned forward, “Guys, it’s okay, really. Have you told your teammates yet?”

“No.”

He sighed, rubbing his face over with a hand. He took off his glasses to look at the two of them with affinity, “Is it because you’re afraid of how they’ll react?”

Neither boy said a thing, only looking down at the floor and then back up at each other.

“I see,” the older man leaned back, interpreting the answer just by watching their body language.

“Are you angry?” Sander questioned. 

The coach scoffed in absolute hilarity, “What?”

He needed more clarity, “Did you think I was gonna kick you both off the team or something?”

“I mean, we listed it as a possibility,” Robbe replied in a low voice. 

Coach Peeters shook his head firmly, “I’m not someone who judges who people fall in love with. Love just happens, trust me.”

“You two are my best players,” he paused, “and even if you weren’t, whoever you like doesn’t affect how you play the game.”

He made one last comment, “Football doesn’t really matter much in the end.”

Sander bopped his head in agreement, “Right.”

“Has this been a thing for a while? I wish you two could have told me earlier.”

Sander smiled to himself, “It hasn’t been too long.”

Robbe squeezed his hand so tight, he told himself he would apologize for it later, but Sander didn’t mind. In fact, he reassured Robbe by squeezing back even harder, sending him a small grin despite the growing pain he felt in his leg. 

Coach Peeters noticed how he winced, “I want to take care of you first, Sander.”

“Then, we can figure out how to tell the team together. You guys will always have my support.” 

Robbe felt so lightheaded, he wasn’t sure if it was because of the relief he felt or how hard he still squeezed Sander’s hand. 

Once the ambulance finally reached the hospital, Robbe hopped off first followed by their coach. The two of them helped Sander jump down as he continued to struggle. 

Robbe couldn’t do much as they walked inside, only watching from afar as nurses took Sander farther down the hallway. He was relieved that they didn’t seem too rushed and didn’t haul the boy off in a stretcher. In the worst case scenario, Sander would probably be out for a month. 

In truth, Robbe didn’t really care if Sander missed the final game to reach the playoffs. He only cared that he wasn’t seriously injured. The striker’s surge to reach the top of national goal-scoring chart may have been plundered, but they always had their final season playing for Antwerp U next year to reclaim it. 

Robbe texted his Mama where he would be staying for the night, shifting uncomfortably in his chair inside the waiting room for what seemed like endless days. 

After around three hours, a nurse came out and announced visitors were allowed. Robbe quickly got up, following her heels as she led him to Sander’s room. 

Walking in, his eyes landed on the boy who was looking at the wall in pure boredom. The sound of a door opening immediately grabbed Sander’s attention, who gleefully grinned at the figure who entered.

“Robbe!”

They waved “Hi” at each other before Sander whined, “Come.”

“I’m coming,” Robbe laughed, remembering to add, “Coach Peeters is coming in too.”

“Okay, and?”

He snorted at Sander’s response, feeling slightly emotional at how eager he looked to be back in each other’s arms. 

“Not yet,” Robbe said, earning him a look of disapproval.

The doctor entered a couple of moments later, clicking her pen to announce the diagnosis. 

“So,” she flipped a page on her clipboard, “It’s not as bad as it could have been.”

Everyone in the room sighed in deep relief. 

She continued, “But, Sander, you’ll be out for a couple of weeks with an ankle sprain. Luckily, the ligament was only stretched, not torn."

“If you had decided to substitute yourself off earlier in the game, you may have only had a mild bruise that would have taken only a few days to heal.”

Sander made himself as small as he possibly could to withstand the disappointing look on his coach’s face. His voice weakly rose a few decibels, “That’s on me. I was being stupid.”

The woman nodded, “Not your fault that you got thrown to the ground.” 

She said her goodbyes soon afterwards, “Have a good rest and we’ll get started on the treatment plan tomorrow.”

“Thank you, Doctor,” Coach Peeters answered, looking over at the two boys with a raised brow. 

“Thank you, Doctor.”

Once the door shut, Robbe tried to lighten the mood, comparing it to his own injury around a month ago, “I guess we both make the same, silly mistakes, yeah?” 

“Shut up,” Sander laughed. 

Coach Peeters took off his glasses to wipe them, “Robbe, you’ll stay with him, are you sure?”

“I’m sure. We don’t know yet when his family will come...and I don’t want him to be alone.”

“Makes sense. I’ll call you boys first thing in the morning. Have a good night, and we’ll do everything else after the fact.”

Knowing what he meant, Robbe and Sander nodded in understanding, watching as their coach stepped out of the room. 

Robbe turned to look at him, grabbing a chair and scooting close to the bed, “Feeling okay?” 

“It fucking sucks, but, yeah, I feel good. That’s what matters.”

“Good.”

“Thank you for staying with me,” Sander tilted his head, “And for everything.”

Robbe stood up to press their lips together, “Of course...and I’ll always stay with you.”

Back in his chair, Robbe smiled to himself as he lazily played with the ends of Sander’s hospital gown, “Cute.”

Sander snorted in jest, “Really cute. I could walk in a fashion show looking like this.”

\-----

As the night dragged on, Robbe grabbed Sander’s hand and rested his head on the hospital bed. He always squeezed it two times to let Sander know he was there. The boy reciprocated by doing the same. 

Though, after about an hour of doing that, someone shifting on the bed disturbed Robbe’s sleepy state. He nearly whined once Sander dropped his hand. 

He whispered, “Robbe, come.”

“Huh?”

Sander managed to create a small space next to him, patting the spot to encourage Robbe to lay next to him.

“Oh,” Robbe smiled, “That’s better.”

Sander smiled back as he watched Robbe climb up and snuggle in next to him, kissing him on the nose before proceeding to continue his efforts to take a nap.

Robbe’s oversized, green hoodie drowned him so much, Sander had to slide his hands underneath it, feeling Robbe’s warm skin so he could hug him from there. 

Making sure they were both at least partially awake, Sander whispered it so quietly at first, he was afraid Robbe didn’t hear. 

“I always hated being in hospitals like this.”

“But you being here makes it better than I had ever imagined.”

“I love you.”

Robbe smiled at his words, cuddling closer so their faces could touch. 

“I love you more.”

The two dozed off faster than they could anticipate. 

….

The new day rose like the sun over a grassy hill, flipping over a new page to start writing in. The sun shone so bright, it was the type of brightness that warmed and healed someone’s eyes even if they were closed. It kindled something beautiful within, and it felt like a stirring connection with nature all around. 

The day’s soul was vibrant. It merged all too easily with that elevated love inside Robbe and Sander as they stirred awake, squinting their eyes at the shower of light pouring in. 

A voice nearly startled them to death. 

“I saw you two asleep last night when I arrived,” they said, a smile evident on their face by how the words sounded. 

“I didn’t want to wake you guys up.” 

Robbe rubbed his eyes, “Huh?”

“Mama?”

Sander’s voice woke up in a cheerily tone as he immediately sat himself up. 

Robbe looked up to find the female figure standing in front of him. Sander’s mother had her light brown hair tied in a low ponytail, wearing casual white trousers and a black sweater. Her aura screamed friendliness as she grinned wide, rushing to Sander’s side immediately.

She offered her hand to Robbe immediately with a warm smile, “I’m Sander’s mother, Mara.”

“I’m Robbe.”

Sander never looked so bashful in his life, “Mama, Robbe is my-”

“I can tell he’s your boyfriend, honey.”

That made Robbe laugh, squeezing Sander’s cheeks as they blushed madly pink.

She listened intently once Sander explained everything, leaving her to sigh in annoyance when he finished. 

“I always worried about this, and now look what happened.”

“I know,” Sander let out a deep breath.

“But it’s not your fault, okay?”

“I know.”

His Mama smiled at the two of them again, resting her hands on her face in anticipation, “Now, please tell me how you guys met. Sander never mentioned this to me over our calls.”

“I didn’t want to jump the gun before things were official.”

“Oh, so you had a crush on him for a while, then? That’s very sweet, Sander.”

Robbe wanted to answer this time, letting Sander’s red face rest for a bit, “He swept me off my feet immediately...and then I knew. I wanted to be with him forever.”

She cooed at his sweet words, admiring the two as she sat in a chair and dropped her belongings on the table. 

It wasn’t a surprise to Sander as he happily watched his mother and Robbe get along almost perfectly. They spent the entire morning talking about nearly everything from music to current world issues. He only rested his head on Robbe’s shoulder, contentedly listening to the boy’s sweet voice fill his eardrums as he took a short nap. 

A morning turned into an afternoon and after spending the whole day chatting, Mara waited until the sun set to walk over close to where Robbe laid with Sander. 

She sent a grateful smile towards the brunette, “Robbe, I hope it’s okay if I take Sander with me to Brussels for around a week so he can heal? That way everything will be okay once he comes back.”

Robbe nodded his head in good-nature, “Of course, I understand.”

Sander whined, “Mama...”

She looked at her son with wide eyes, giving him a look of patience, “Sander. I’m sure you’ll be fine.”

Sander knew she was right, but it didn’t stop him from growing sad. He never had to be apart from Robbe for a longer time than he was used to. Ever since he experienced the feeling of being in his arms, there wasn’t anything better. Robbe’s touch ignited a warm flame inside of Sander, lighting up everything. 

He quietly huffed, crossing his arms over his chest like a child, leaving Robbe to lightly laugh at his antics.

“Don’t laugh, Robbe,” Sander pouted like a child. 

“I’m not.”

“You were laughing just two seconds ago.”

“Because you were acting cute.”

Sander groaned, leaning against him in defeat.

Robbe looked at the watch on his wrist, sighing as he realized the time. There were only so many minutes squeezed in a day and sometimes, Robbe wished he could stop it. 

“I think I actually have to leave in a bit. My mother’s expecting me soon.”

Mara gave him a look of disappointment, “Oh! I’m so sorry. I had no idea.”

“It’s okay,” Robbe smiled, looking back at Sander who grew even more dejected at the thought of saying goodbye so soon. 

“Mama, can you give us a few minutes alone then, please?” Sander politely asked. 

“Of course,” she understood, gathering her things to step outside. 

As the door shut, Sander immediately pouted again, “Robbe…”

He pulled their bodies as close as they could be, trying his best to memorize everything. Robbe wrapped his arms around Sander’s waist, letting the boy mumble something into his hoodie.

“Leaving so soon?”

They snuggled even harder than they did the night before. Robbe locked eyes with the green irises that gazed right back at him, “Don’t worry, we’ll see each other again so soon.”

Moving to press their lips together, Robbe mumbled, “So soon.”

Sander furrowed his brows as he tried to concentrate on the kiss, knowing he didn’t want to keep Robbe away from his Mama for too long. He tried to focus on the good things that would happen once they were reunited, ready to cheer Robbe and the entire team on at the last game. Then, he would spend the rest of his days bringing Robbe to every art museum and coffee shop possible in Antwerp. He would shower him in a dozen kisses and hugs when he returned from Brussels, and that thought cheered him up better than any silly joke.

“Maybe we’ll learn how to cope with the distance, in case we ever have to part for a longer time?” Sander suggested, trying to find some good from the situation. 

“Of course, baby.”

“Here,” Sander remembered, grabbing his bag from the bedside table and pulling out a black sketchbook, “Take this. I want you to have it while I’m away.”

Robbe didn’t know what to say. He only slowly lifted it out of Sander’s grasp as he felt around the covers, rough and worn. 

“Really?”

“Yeah.”

“And,” Sander tilted Robbe’s chin up to face him, “Give me one of your jerseys when I come back.” 

“I’m gonna wear it with pride at the final match,” he smiled.

Robbe wanted to cry.

“Of course, but Sander...”

The blonde lifted his brows, “Robbe, what else can we do? You can’t magically heal me. If I can’t play then the least I can do is be there to kiss you on the lips after you win us the game.”

He leaned in to press kisses along Robbe’s jaw, mumbling softly, “Let me be your proud boyfriend in front of everyone.”

The pure delicacy and intimacy of the moment made chills run up Robbe’s spine. Never once did he think he had a chance with Sander, let alone find himself cuddled on a hospital bed together, whispering tender propositions of love to one another. 

“Boyfriend...” Robbe tilted his head like a puppy to lovingly gaze at him, still amazed at the idea of it. 

Sander only smirked back, teasingly running his tongue over his lips, “Yes, your boyfriend.”

Robbe eyes lit up, “Mine?” 

“Who else’s?”

Sander puckered his lips to ask for a final kiss and Robbe gladly obliged, quickly leaning forward to grant his wishes.

The older boy couldn’t help but smile into it as he closed his eyes, too blissed out. 

“I miss you already.”

Robbe giggled, gently tackling Sander as he rolled over to hug him tightly, “Me too.”

He reluctantly pulled himself off the bed, sneaking one last kiss before waving goodbye. 

Sander waved back, sending a million kissy faces towards Robbe’s direction. 

As soon as he left the room, Robbe tried to ignore the sad tug on his heart. He did his best to act okay in front of Sander, but the two had spent so much time together the past few weeks, it felt like a punch to the gut having to be forced apart. 

He only grasped the sketchbook in his hand tighter, pulling his phone out to call his Mama.

_ A buzz. _ The texts he read over made him smile that familiar smirk he was so used to these days. 

Sander:  _ i'm thinking of you, robin _

Sander:  _ i love you _

Sander:  _ i wish you knew the infinite times a day i think of you and smile _

Sander:  _ don’t forget about me these next few days _

Robbe:  _ how can i forget when you’re always on my mind? _

Robbe:  _ woorden kunnen mijn liefde voor jou niet omschrijven! _

_ -Words can't describe my love for you- _

\-----

It took almost the entire weekend for Robbe to find a time and place to sit down and look through the sketchbook. 

Once he was in his room, he leaned against the headboard of his bed and finally opened it up. Robbe had kept it safe and secure in his bag the entire trip home, too scared he would fall into his usual clumsiness and drop it into some random puddle on the sidewalk. He was glad he did as he felt how fine and delicate the book weighed, despite its frayed edges.

As he flipped through the pages, he felt as if someone had sucked all of the air out of his lungs. 

Robbe had gone towards the end first, finding a couple of drawings of him by himself and some with Sander adorning the pages. Though, those were few in comparison to the amount of photos taped on, all taken on Sander’s camera that nearly filled up the entire space. He must have developed them at some point, and Robbe was grateful he did as he admired the shots of him in the garden, covering his face. Or him smiling on the lake at the campsite. Or him kissing Sander’s cheek on the bed at his apartment. Their silly selfies together. Other ones of Robbe sleeping peacefully away. So many memories were captured in single snapshots and it covered the pages like a marvelous scrapbook. 

The part that made Robbe hold his breath was when he flipped towards the front. It was there where he found zero photos. Instead, the pages were scribbled over with dozens of drawings and short drabbles, almost as if made in rushed dazes.

While he thought he might find a few of Britt, he ultimately found nothing.

Robbe couldn’t help but frown at how dark and lonely Sander’s words sounded at times. In certain sections, he had bled his pen into the page so hard, it stained from the back. Robbe wished so badly he could take those months away from Sander, who probably felt so alone and overwhelmed with his all-consuming thoughts. He didn’t want to imagine Sander cooped up all by himself in his room, only able to let out his emotions through the tip of his pen that danced along the lines and blank space. 

Robbe flipped to the very first page, noticing that Sander had dated it back to August of their first year of university. Mini doodles of the brunette decorated its entirety, around the fringes and edges of the fine paper as well. Robbe gently brushed his fingers against the largest drawing, one of himself laughing on the pitch with his eyes closed in gleeful bliss. The light hit him directly as he slowly read the short sentence next to it, needing to make the moment last.

_ Thank goodness for you. The way you smile under the summer sun.  _

Robbe stayed silent for a second before quietly laughing to himself, smiling hard as he flipped between the beginning and end. 

There was nothing he could do to change the past, but he planned to do everything possible to spend his and Sander’s entire future as bright as the last few pages. 

He immediately pulled out his phone and texted Sander.

Robbe:  _ the sketchbook...i just went through it _

Robbe:  _ you’re my beautiful artist ❤️ _

He didn’t think Sander would reply so quickly, but his phone buzzed back in only a few seconds.

Sander:  _ jealous of my drawing skills ? ;) _

Robbe smiled, noticing that Sander was typing something else.

Sander:  _ i hoped you wouldn’t find it weird or anything… _

Robbe:  _ of course not...sander…je betekent ontzettend veel voor me. _

Robbe:  _ it’s the best thing i’ve ever been given...can i keep it? _

Sander:  _ really?  _

Sander:  _ i couldn’t ever do you justice, je bent zo knap _

Sander:  _ i always wanted you to keep it  _

Sander: _ ik hou van je met heel mijn hart ❤️❤️ _

_ I love you with all my heart.  _

They texted for the entire night, video chatting at the end to fall asleep with the sight of each other in front of them. 

Robbe yawned, fluffing his pillow to ask one last question, “Is everything going well back home?”

Sande sleepily grinned, “Just missing you.” 

“I miss you more.”

“Two more days,” he whispered, lazily bringing up two fingers to show on the screen, “Two.”

“Go to sleep and you’ll be even closer,” Robbe teased, giggling as Sander finally laid his head down and sent him a virtual kiss. 

“Good night, Robin.”

“Good night,  _ liefje _ . I’ll dream about you.”

That got one more smile out of Sander, making his lips curve up, “Tell me all about it tomorrow.”

Robbe snuggled more into the covers, grinning to himself as he peeked one last look at Sander, who had already fallen beautifully asleep. 

That was enough for Robbe to disappear into a long slumber. 

_ \----- _

It felt like eternity waiting for two days to pass. 

Robbe felt like a nervous wreck. He never knew someone's touch could be so addictive, but Sander changed everything for him. The boy’s hugs, his kisses, his stares, his hands, Robbe wanted it all back. It took everything in him not to run towards the train station on the day that they were meant to finally reunite. 

Once inside, he realized he arrived a bit earlier than needed, so he spent the time texting his friends and playing silly games on his phone. His small surprise gift stayed securely in his hands, and Robbe was probably being much too careful, but he didn’t care. There was no way he was going to let it get ruined. 

After waiting for almost an hour, the sound of a train whistle arriving made Robbe’s heart skip a beat as he noticed its previous destination.  _ Brussels _ . He held the piece of cloth in his hand tighter as it slowly stopped in front of him. A slew of people started getting off with luggage in hand, kids, lovers, and so on. 

Once Robbe spotted a white head of hair step out of the train car, he had to restrain himself from jumping in excitement. Sander was walking much better than he did on the night of the game, but he still wore a bandage around his ankle. The boy searched for someone as he turned his head front and back to find them.

Luckily, Sander’s train arrived at around 21:00, so the station wasn’t as busy as it usually was during the day. 

Robbe stood on his tiptoes and waved his hands in order to get his attention. He walked a bit closer when Sander still seemed lost, pulling out his phone to seemingly text Robbe that he arrived. 

Sander:  _ im here, where are you? 😘♥️ _

Robbe didn’t answer and just pulled his fingers to his lips to whistle his infamous shrill, more quietly this time since he was inside.

The older boy looked towards the direction of the sound, eyes immediately finding Robbe’s. Sander smiled so wide, it looked like it could break his face. He started walking a bit fster, but his face contorted in annoyance as he realized his leg was making him go slower than usual. If Sander were able to, he would’ve ran straight across to lift Robbe and spin him around. 

Robbe noticed Sander’s struggles, so he immediately closed the distance by running over. The two immediately wrapped each other in a figure-hugging embrace, holding each other impossibly tight. They lightly swayed together as they hid their faces into each other.

Just being able to touch each other again restored the ache in their hearts as they longed for one another. 

Robbe was the first to lift his head up, pressing soft kisses along Sander’s jaw. Once Sander felt Robbe’s lips on him, he immediately turned his head to meet their mouths together. 

The kiss was like coming up for a breath of air. They savored the taste of each other as they slowly explored inside, making the seconds drag because they didn’t want to stop.

It was so agonizingly slow and sentimental, Robbe found it hard not to just whisk Sander away into some random bathroom stall. 

They stayed in each other’s arms, kissing and kissing until they felt like their mouths could no longer move, noticing the way it slowly stopped and only their lips touched in a still position. 

Sander smiled, pressing Robbe’s body even closer to his, “I missed you.”

Robbe knew Sander was teasing him in his own little manner, so he decided to play along by tangling his free hand in the boy’s bleached hair, enjoying the way he closed his eyes in pleasure.

“I missed you more.”

Robbe was ready to kiss him again before Sander looked down, suddenly very interested in the piece of cloth, “Ooh, and what’s that?” 

Robbe blushed, suddenly dropping his seductive act and growing sheepish at the question. 

“I don’t know.”

That made Sander laugh, “What do you mean you don’t know?”

Robbe shrugged, lifting it up so Sander could take it, “You said to give you one when you came  back...so I have it for you.”

Sander kissed Robbe’s cheek, taking the jersey into his own hands and admiring it. As he felt the material, he knew immediately it was one sold in the shops, not the ones given to the team by staff members. Just imagining Robbe going inside a store and personally picking a jersey that he thought Sander would like was enough for him to want to spend the whole week together.  _ No distractions. _

“Why are you being so shy?” Sander laughed, noticing Robbe’s pink cheeks and the way he held his hands behind his back. 

Robbe threw a question back, “Do you like it?”

“Did you think I wouldn’t?” Sander realized, simply marvelling at the fact that Robbe thought he could dislike anything he gave him. 

“Maybe…”

“I love it so much,” Sander lightly pecked his lips, “And I love you.” 

Robbe giggled as he leaned his face on Sander’s shoulder, “I love you too.”

Robbe had never been so relieved, knowing he spent almost two hours in Antwerp U’s shop, deciding between goalkeeper colors, short-sleeve or long-sleeve, thermal layer or no thermal layer,...the list went on.

“Now, pick me up.”

“Robbe, pick  _ me _ up, I’m  _ injured _ .”

He dramatically sighed, “You’ll be back in no time, do you need me to be your nurse?”

“No,” Sander smirked, “Unless you want to. I wouldn’t mind that. Having you with me all the time.”

“Sure.”

His face sprung up in delight, “Sure as in yes?”

Robbe needed to backtrack, “Wait, no, that’s not what I meant-“

Sander pouted, “All I’ll ask for is your kisses and hugs and staying in bed with me for as long you can.”

“That doesn’t sound too bad.”

“Mpmh, no it doesn’t...and it’ll be with your handsome patient.” 

“A very handsome patient who plays football,” Robbe smirked.

Sander felt smug, slowly moving them away from the middle of the station towards an empty hallway, pressing Robbe against the wall. 

“I missed you so much, truly. I can’t believe you’re right in front of me again and I’m sorry for acting like a prince who hasn’t seen his lover for the past five years.”

He pressed his lips against Robbe’s ear, alluringly dragging them over, “The things I wish I could do with you right now.”

Robbe had to close his eyes to withstand the pleasure that flowed through him, feeling too hot and needy in such a public space. 

“Sander…”

“What?”

“Let’s go to your apartment, okay?” Robbe pleaded, almost giving in with one glance towards Sander’s lustful eyes. 

“Plus, I’m cold,” he whined. 

“Where’s your hat?”

“At home.”

“Robbe…” Sander tsked, rubbing his hands together and placing them on the boy’s face. He couldn’t help but take advantage of the situation, automatically squishing Robbe’s cheeks so he looked like a chipmunk.

Sander giggled like a child, “You look…”

Robbe groaned.

“Adorably cute,” Sander finished his sentence, dropping his hands and intertwining them with Robbe’s. They managed to finally leave the station, making sure to grab some fries for each other on their way back. 

When they reached Sander’s apartment, they immediately ran towards the bedroom, laughing hard as they found a good position to cuddle in. In the end, they snuggled like koalas as their bodies laid sideways, knees bent and noses touching. 

“How was everything at home?” Robbe asked.

“Really good.”

Sander couldn’t help but smile and press a kiss on Robbe’s forehead, “And my mom really likes you. I think she sees how happy you make me.”

Robbe eyes lit with stars, “Really?”

“You make me so happy.”

“You make me so happy too,” Robbe whispered, moving to crawl over Sander and wrap his arms around his neck. 

“How happy?”

“Happier than every good thing in the world combined.” 

Sander ran his hands through Robbe’s hair, happily enjoying the soft fluff. He smiled once he noticed Robbe’s eyes fluttering shut, enjoying the feeling. Sander used his other hand to rub up and down Robbe’s arm, pressing a kiss on his nose before asking, “Is everything okay at home? With your Mama? The divorce?”

Robbe’s eyes opened wide at that. All of the feelings from the past week came rushing back, and it did him no good as his lips curved downwards. He didn’t want to answer the questions, which made him curl up impossibly small.

His gestures made Sander frown, immediately laying them back in their original position so he could wrap his arms around Robbe’s waist and pull him close. 

“Tell me, please.”

He lightly pecked Robbe’s lips, “Even though I got hurt, it didn’t make me forget what we agreed on before the game.”

Robbe sighed as he squeezed his eyes shut, not wanting to cry all over again. His lips trembled as he tried to find the right words, but everytime he felt like he couldn’t open up, Sander pressed a fleeting kiss on his eyelids.

“Take your time, Robbe.”

Sander squeezed their hands together, “I’m always here for you.”

Robbe didn’t know what part of the sentence made him lose it, but before he knew it, he found himself impossibly sobbing. Sander had never moved so fast in his life as he intertwined their arms and legs together. He tangled his hands in Robbe’s hair as the younger boy tightly gripped his hoodie, letting his tears fall everywhere. 

Sander let Robbe cry for as long as needed, never stopping his hands as they gently caressed the boy’s head. Once he heard Robbe start to only sniffle, Sander began to do the same that Robbe did to him the night of the party, kissing down every tear that stained his face. 

It stayed quiet for a long time. Only the sound of Robbe’s runny nose filled the room. 

Sander kissed his lips once, “You don’t have to tell me.”

“No,” Robbe’s voice cracked. 

“I want to.”

Sander stared at him, prepared to wait until Robbe was ready.

“Kiss me again?” Robbe whispered.

He gladly obliged and met their lips together in a longer kiss, one that told Robbe he would be willing to do almost anything for him. A kiss that tried to tell Robbe how lucky he felt to have someone in his life who loves  _ all  _ of him, every single piece and part of him. His interests weren’t a silly joke to him. In fact, Robbe supported almost every one of his likes, knowing it made Sander happy. Whether it was stopping in the middle of their afternoon walk to take a photo or randomly texting him David Bowie lyrics, Robbe never once saw it as a bad side effect. It was the very part that made Sander who he was. 

Robbe took a deep breath, wiping his eyes so he could see, “Um, well, I just…”

“I haven’t been dealing with the divorce as well as I expected. I’ve actually...I’ve actually been dealing with it almost terribly.”

“Oh, Robbe…”

Sander made sure to hold him close, playing with the fact that they were the only people in his room, and if they imagined hard enough, it felt like they were the only people in the world. 

“And I feel like I’m not doing enough for my Mama...and I never told you anything because I didn’t want to burden you with my own problems again,” Robbe’s voice cracked again and Sander instantly kissed all over his face, letting each one linger in its touch. 

“Robbe,” Sander was firm, “Out of the people you know, I think I’m the one who knows the most about feeling like I’m burdening others.”

“But Sander…”

He moved his arms up so he could cup Robbe’s face, “Whenever something is bothering you, please tell me. I never want you to feel alone.”

“I’m 100% sure you’re doing enough for your Mama. She loves you so much, Robbe. Anyone can tell. Talk to her about the divorce and how it makes you feel, if you want. You don’t have to, but I can tell you want to tell her too.”

Robbe nodded, sniffling as Sander kissed the tip of his nose.

“And you could never burden me, Robbe. Never.”

“Okay,” Robbe weakly smiled, playing with the drawstrings of Sander’s hoodie.

“I made you smile,” he grinned, “That’s good.”

“It’s not hard for you to make me smile,” Robbe teased.

“I just want you to feel okay.”

“I feel more than okay,” Robbe replied, growing sleepier by the second.

He leaned his head on Sander’s shoulder as he lazily twirled their fingers. Mumbling, he uttered, “Sleep with me?”

Sander didn’t need to think twice and grabbed the blankets from the edge of the bed, throwing them over each other in a grand fashion.

“Just you and me,” he smiled.

Robbe laid on top of him, poking Sander’s cheeks since he loved the sweet expression it always put on him.

The hoodie that hid his head of white hair made Sander look impossibly younger, almost as if they were both back in high school and didn’t have to worry yet about the larger scale of the world.

It felt sort of calming to think like that, to know that they still had the rest of their lives ahead of them to do whatever they aimed to do.

“I’ll dream of you,” Robbe nearly sang, nuzzling his face towards Sander, “And I don’t have to worry about waking up from it cause you’re right here in my arms.”

“Let’s say it’s a really good dream,” Sander suggested, “We should try and make it happen for real once we wake up.”

“Stop,” Robbe quietly laughed, feeling too blissfully content as the older boy kissed all over his face.

Once he felt like he couldn’t keep it up anymore, Robbe finally let his head drop in between Sander and a pillow, finding a comfortable position to sleep in. 

The two were inseparable as they stayed in a gentle embrace. It surprised them how long they went without each other’s goodnight pecks and small squeezes by the hand. 

Sander slowly rubbed Robbe’s back until he felt his own eyes fluttering close, too tired as his arms eventually fell slack. 

With Sander next to him, Robbe wished he could give everything to make him happy, and he wished it could forever stay that way. But, Robbe also knew every relationship had its ups and downs. He didn’t know what the future held in store for them, but he was ready to handle it all as long as it ended with him and Sander standing together in the end. 

His love ran deep, and it had no intention of stopping. 

Robbe softly whispered in Sander’s ear, a teasing smirk on his facial features, “About your suggestion...I’ll think about it.” 

Sander’s body went stiff, feeling tense with the words that he just heard. It only made Robbe quietly giggle and tighten his hold. 

“I love you.” 

Sander’s voice was thick with sleep, deeper than Robbe had ever heard it. 

“I love you more.”

And Robbe had never spoken a truer truth in his life. 

_ \--- _

The following day became extremely important. 

It was one of those specific moments in time that they just wanted to get over with so that they could finally move on. On the other hand, it was also one that they dreaded, unsure of how everyone would really react. It was hard to think that some of the people they’ve spent years playing with could change their views on them so quickly.

They stayed optimistic, though. It’s what they were good at. 

Robbe and Sander found themselves in the locker room with Coach Peeters by their side, waiting for the entire team to file in after practice. The players were told earlier they were to find a seat first and not go into the showers or chat on their phones. 

All of their teammates eventually came in one by one and found somewhere to sit. The environment felt too tense for Robbe and Sander as they held their breaths.

There was no point in dragging it out. Everyone in the room looked exhausted from practice and just wanted to go home. Plus, the place was too stuffy and warm to be in there for longer than ten minutes.

So, Robbe decided to cut to the chase.

“Hey guys, we just gathered everyone here quickly to tell you something so everyone can be in the know. Something between me and Sander.”

Robbe glanced around, seeing how everyone still seemed to wait for some grand announcement. 

“Me and Sander just wanted to tell you guys that we’re together.”

When he spoke the words out, Robbe never felt so much solace. It was like a calming, serene breeze that blew over him, finally relieved to tell the remaining people who were closest to him.

A slow silence followed right after, and perhaps Robbe’s nerves made him say the words too fast as his team just looked at them with a look of confusion.

Sander was ready to repeat the words until one voice spoke up.

“Wait, like together right now or like  _ dating  _ together?”

Luc twirled a pen in his hand, curiosity getting the best of him as he wanted to learn more. 

“We’re dating,” Sander firmly replied, crossing his arms across his chest.

It felt like a choir of angels as they watched most of the team just nod in understanding, seemingly more worried at having to be trapped in the locker room. 

“Why’s Coach Peeters in here?” Nathan asked, too busy munching on a granola bar. 

“In case any of you want to say anything stupid.”

“Wait,” Hugo left his mouth wide open, “This is totally why Sander was always so pissy when Robbe was gone.”

Sander rolled his eyes, “Can you guys sto-“

Noah interrupted him, giving Sander a teasing smirk, “It’s totally why he was always so pissy.”

Senne smiled, “Just getting pissy because your crush wasn’t here, yeah?”

“You were so fucking annoying about that sometimes, man,” Noah groaned. 

Luc added, “You roasted every single one of us during your rampages.”

“I thought you had some unbreakable ego,” Bennie laughed.

Sander pinched his nose in slight embarrassment, “You’re right about that. Sorry I projected like that on you guys.”

The group of boys waved him off, not caring too much about something in the past.

Everything was going nearly amazing until David’s deep voice decided to make a comment.

“Does this mean you guys are always going to fucking make out in front of us or something?”

Senne sent a glare towards him with dark eyes, “Can you shut the fuck up?” 

“It’s weird, man.” David tried to defend himself.

Luc was pissed, “What’s weird is you being so obsessed if they’re gonna kiss in front of you or not.” 

“Yeah, okay, whatever,” he slouched against the locker. 

“Well, most of us think it’s great,” Noah piped up, shrugging his shoulders, “Don’t worry about those who might not.”

Coach Peeters agreed with the sentiment, sending a near death sentence towards David, “I’m glad we know and we can continue to play and practice just like we usually do.”

With that, he blew on his whistle, allowing everyone to get up and leave, or change if they needed to. 

Senne walked up towards them a bright smile, with Luc following closely behind, “I’m glad you guys told us.”

Looking back at David who strolled out of the locker room, Luc added, “And ignore that asshole.”

Robbe laughed, “It’s fine. We knew there was a chance someone was going to say something like that.”

“Did you guys wait to tell us because of that?”

They nodded.

Luc understood, “I get that.”

Senne was adamant, “Word will probably spread. Just know we have your back in case people outside of the team want to say anything.”

Sander shook his head, “We figured. It’s not something that’ll bother us in the long run.”

Senne raised his brows at the boy, “Are you going to the game tomorrow? It’s a bit farther this time around.”

“Oh, definitely. I wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

“If we lose, you’ll have to deal with almost fifteen other grouchy guys.”

“I’m sure that won’t be happening.”

Senne smacked him on the chest, “I’ll take your word for it, man,” strolling out of the locker room with Luc and saying goodbye with a small wave and wide grin.

Robbe hugged Sander tight once they were finally alone, humming to himself when he felt the striker’s arms loop around his waist in a warm gesture. Sander smushed his cheek against Robbe’s forehead, swaying the two of them together in a gentle back-and-forth. 

“What are you feeling?”

“Just happy,” Robbe mumbled.

“Just?” Sander teased.

Robbe looked up to kiss him in a deep, magnetic daze, pulling the two of them into a near hypnosis, hyper fixated on each other only. Sander could barely count numbers once Robbe pulled away, reflexively leaning in for more. 

When they were able to catch some breath, they looked at each other with an entire galaxy of stars in his eyes, shining so bright and vastly endless.

Robbe had never felt like this in his life.

“I’m so, so happy.”

....

It didn’t help at all that the final game of the season before playoffs would be away, meaning Robbe and the whole team wouldn’t have a home field advantage. 

On the bus ride to _Mechelen U’s_ arena, the goalie spent the whole time on his phone, texting friends who were busy blowing up his messages telling him they were on their way.

And what made him smile the hardest was the slew of silly selfies Sander sent him every couple of minutes. Robbe hated the fact that he wouldn’t be able to immediately hug him if they won. He would have to wait until Sander made his way down the arena steps, but it was something menial as long as they embraced each other in the end. 

When he reached inside the locker room, Robbe promptly slipped on his uniform and performed his unique handshakes with each teammate.

They  _ needed  _ to win today...and it wasn’t going to be easy.

_Mechelen U_ weren’t known as the best team around Belgium, but they were definitely known to be the most aggressive. Their highest statistical numbers were found in the number of fouls and yellow/red cards collected. They were a team known to tackle and their home crowd often made things feel incredibly hostile. 

Before the starting lineup filed out onto the field, Senne pulled them aside and put on his best “motivating captain” hat. 

“Just one more game and we’re through. Yes, we don’t have Sander this time around, but that doesn't mean we're not capable of winning today. They’re gonna try and foul you, so stay on your feet as much as you can. No flopping around like silly tools, okay?”

“I believe in all of us, and I hope the universe believes in us too.”

With that, he shouted a cry of hurraw, followed by the shouts and whoops of everyone else.

They walked out to an entire arena filled to the brim, feeling like they were all in a boiling pot of water despite the freezing temperatures of the cold afternoon. 

As Robbe walked by the away fans, he blew a kiss towards them, hoping Sander was looking at him in that exact moment. 

He couldn’t contain his wide grin as he found Jens, Moyo, and Aaron in the very first row, hollering their lungs out as loud as they could. 

Jogging over to his net, Robbe ignored the loud boos and yells from the home fans behind him, knowing it was all just a trick to distract him.

The referee blew the whistle to start the game,  _ and they were off.  _

The first three minutes were more than fine. In fact, they went by as normally as their previous games. 

But, the fourth minute really turned a gear in everyone’s heads.

Robbe was positioned well as _Mechelen U_ ran towards him like lightning. Though, he couldn’t really stop Number #6 as they kicked the ball from nearly twenty yards out.

Robbe could barely react as the ball whizzed past his face, hitting his net so hard, it created a large smack sound.

_ That was not a good way to start.  _

He wouldn’t let it affect his morale too much, simply sighing and turning back to pick up the ball. The home crowd booed him even louder if it was possible, and it only made him much more ready to celebrate in their faces when they won. What actually irked him was the way the other team obnoxiously celebrated. 

They still had nearly 85 minutes to change the course. 

The opposing team fouled and tackled like they were known to, making the referee pull out four yellow cards in the first half alone. 

At halftime, they were exhausted to a breaking point. Since they held the most possession, they passed the ball around more, but couldn’t do anything with it since the defense fell so deep. Their legs grew tired and it made Coach Peeters pinch his nose in frustration to figure out the game plan for the second half.

When they walked back out, they agreed to be as physical as possible back. Players were likely to get yellow cards, but it didn’t matter as long as they scored. 

Their plan luckily worked within the first ten minutes. They found their equalizer by capitalizing off a mistake, having Noah slot it in quickly from close-range once it reached his feet. 

That managed to give them hope again. Everything was back on a level playing field.

The hope grew bigger when one of Mechelen U’s defenders mistackled David to the ground, missing the ball completely. The player grabbed his second yellow card of the day, making it turn red and being sent off.

Hope started to shimmer.

In the 85th minute, Antwerp U had a corner. Robbe thought about running up to help them get the winner, but decided against it just in case. 

Bennie kicked the ball from the corner flag, letting it fly towards the net. Everyone watched in silence as it reached the players awaiting it.

_ Almost as if it were meant to be. _

The floor nearly shattered in screams from the away side as Senne jumped higher than he ever had, tilting his head to smash the ball in. 

The movement was so quick, the captain didn’t realize what exactly happened until everyone jumped on him to celebrate, making him fall to the floor as they piled on top of one another. 

Robbe yelled as he ran to join them, being the last person to jump on top and hit people on the back as a fellow congrats. 

The last five minutes passed faster than a camera flash. As soon as the final whistle blew, Robbe fell to his knees and soon splayed his entire body out on the grass, absolutely drained.

It felt like his gloves were cutting off the circulation of air running through his body, but he didn’t care. 

_ They won.  _

_ And they would be going to the playoffs.  _

Robbe felt like the inside of his brain burned yet all alive at the same time. The lone silence of the home crowd felt weird, but their away section broke out in deafening cheers. Antwerp U’s visiting fans had something to celebrate about, and they were not going to shut up.

He eventually ran towards the entire team who were already celebrating in the middle of the pitch. Once they saw Robbe approaching, they cheered even louder, opening their little circle so he could join. Everything was inaudible as they jumped up and down in overflowing exuberation.

They laughed, they sang, they shrieked. They were surely going to lose their voices by tonight. When they finally broke apart to dance, Robbe ran over towards the away section, immediately finding Jens, Moyo, and Aaron who ran towards him once they saw each other. 

Smashing into each other like bumper cars, Moyo nearly fell as he leaned on Robbe to steady himself. The four of them formed their own smaller circle, jumping up and down.

Their jubilant cheers drowned any sense of conversation as they spun around.

Robbe nearly fell when he looked between Jens’ and Aaron’s head to find three familiar people walking closer towards him. He had to stop yelling once those figures turned out to be Sander, Noor, and Engel. 

Robbe wriggled out of their grasp, eyes never leaving Sander, “I gotta go guys.”

His friends whistled as they watched him run towards Sander, nearly tackling the boy to the ground as they crashed towards each other in a mega hug. 

They held each other so tightly, Robbe almost didn’t notice when he was being lifted off the ground, finding Sander’s hands on the back of his thighs as he quickly twirled them around.

Noor and Engel stood close by, watching the two of them with glee.

When Robbe was back on the ground, he looked to find Sander widely smiling at him.

“I caught your kiss.”

“What?”

Sander raised one brow, “Your kiss before the game.”

Robbe remembered, immediately matching his smile to Sander’s, “You did!”

“I blew you one right back.”

He pouted, “I didn’t see it.”

“That’s okay. It gave you enough good luck,” Sander smirked. 

Robbe wrapped his arms around him, sticking out his bottom lip, “I want another one.”

“Another good luck kiss?”

“No, a congratulatory kiss.”

Sander smiled hard, “I’ll give you as many you want.”

With that, they captured their lips together in a heartfelt, willing endearment. It was soft, warm, and passionate all at the same time. 

The euphoric atmosphere seemed to amplify everything by tenfold, and it made their kiss feel as if they were kings being crowned at the top of a mountainside palace, hidden amongst the clouds. 

Sander pulled away, turning around so his back could face Robbe. He immediately pointed his thumbs toward the name and number on the red and white jersey. 

_ Ijzermans  _

_ 1 _

Robbe never grinned harder in his life as Sander turned back around, donning his lop-sided smile.

“I told you I’d wear it. I had to support my favorite player on the team.”

Robbe could only wrap his arms around Sander’s neck again, admiring his boyfriend up close, “You are just the best.” 

“But you might just be a little biased,” he teased. 

Sander pretended to think, “I’m biased because I get to kiss my favorite player everyday?”

“Yes.”

“I don’t mind,” Sander confessed, spinning around with Robbe in absolute delight as they swayed under the sunset. 

What seemed like hours only added up to a couple of minutes as they heard Coach Peeters blow his whistle, letting everyone know to start heading back inside. Robbe whined in response, only pressing his body closer to Sander. 

“You two are the sweetest,” Engel cooed. 

Noor agreed, “Seriously.”

Robbe let go of Sander to wrap the girls around in friendly hugs and warm kisses on the cheek.

“You guys came,” he teased.

“We had to,” Noor playfully rolled her eyes, “Sander wouldn’t forgive us if we didn’t. Plus, this was actually great.”

“I’m so glad,” Robbe truthfully told them.

“We have to leave soon for some studying, but I can’t wait to see you very soon,” Noor winked.

“What’s sooner than soon?” Engel teased, earning her a gentle tug on her sweater from Sander.

Robbe kissed the girls goodbye as they strolled away, turning back towards his boyfriend. 

Sander cupped his face, “When are you getting to the celebration party?”

“Um,” Robbe breathed out, still heavily panting from how much he was sweating and the adrenaline that coursed through him, “As soon as I can.”

“Okay, me too,” Sander smiled, kissing him one more time before stepping away, noticing that the team was slowly leaving the pitch one by one in exuberant moods. The brilliantly red and orange sky seemed to emit golden energy, infiltrating their own auras as they couldn’t drop the smiles off their faces.

“I’ll let you go so they don’t leave you behind.”

“Okay, I’ll see you soon,” Robbe cooed, sporting a lopsided grin as he admired his boyfriend under the flaming sunlight.

“Sooner than soon,  _ liefje _ .”

….

Robbe spent nearly the entire ride back to Antwerp texting Sander back and forth, giggling between their flirty teases and dumb jokes. Everyone around him seemed to shake the whole bus top to bottom. Luc blasted music from his speakers, dancing on top of his seat while Nathan acted as their designated singer, leading the awful choruses of players singing along. 

He couldn’t help but lean his head against the window, withstanding its annoying banging by just being so overwhelmingly happy. Everything was getting better little by little, and that was okay with Robbe as long as it continued.

Once they arrived in Antwerp, he barely found time to grab his belongings before the entire team rushed out, eager to get to Senne’s house and start their night of celebrations with family and friends. While Robbe did mention it to his Mama, she politely refused, telling him to go have fun and bring her a piece of cake if he could. 

Robbe promised her he would, ending the call and writing down a note of it so he wouldn’t forget. It was silly, but sometimes he didn’t trust his own memory to remember. 

When Robbe finally stepped outside and down on the ground, he breathed in the fresh air, pulling on his beanie once the cold wind started nipping at his ears. He walked side with side with everyone as they strolled together towards the house. Everyone was happier than Robbe had ever seen them, loudly laughing and playfully shoving others off the sidewalk, and they weren’t even drunk yet. 

They were nearly there until Robbe cursed under his breath, remembering he quite literally forgot his bag at the stop where the bus dropped them off. He quickly told the team, ignoring their groans and teases as he ran back. 

Once he made it, he never felt more relieved as the bag still laid on the bench where he pulled out his hat. Robbe rummaged through, smiling as his fingers brushed against Sander’s sketchbook. He knew Sander wouldn’t protest, he was going to make sure the boy took lots of pictures tonight. 

Robbe tossed the bag over his shoulder , sprinting back the same way he did in the first place, hoping no one would be too mad at him for arriving late.

….

Nearly out of breath, Robbe climbed up the steps of the house, already hearing the loud cheers and music from outside. He was antsy with anticipation, bouncing his legs up and down at being able to see Sander again. The door was slightly open ajar, so Robbe took that as his cue to carefully open it and peek his head through, unsure of who he would see first.

At the mere sight of a slightly confused Robbe, Bennie dragged him in, throwing an arm over his shoulder. 

“You made it!”

Robbe laughed as the boy shook him hard, giving each other space to play out their secret handshake. Bennie seemed high off joy.

“What is it?” Robbe grinned.

“Nothing,” he took a sip of his drink, chuckling at the memory, “I’ve never seen Sander look so disappointed when we came in and had to tell him you were coming a bit late.”

Robbe heart raced at the mere mention of Sander’s name, unable to contain the huge smile that covered his face.

“Do you know where he is?”

“I think you should wait a bit. He told me he was going to the bathroom like two minutes ago.”

Robbe nodded his head in understanding, not pressing anymore as he took a drink and swiveled his head around to find one of his friends. It was to his best surprise when he locked eyes with Yasmina. She walked towards him with a big smile, lifting her hands in a little celebration.

“Congrats!”

“Thank you,” Robbe grinned, wrapping her in a big hug. 

She lifted her brows at him, “Can I tell you something?”

“Uh, sure,” he nervously laughed, “What is it?”

“It’s good, trust me,” she assured him, grabbing his arm to move them into a private hallway. Once she found the coast to be clear, she crossed her arms, sending Robbe a sly smile. 

“Come on, you can tell me,” Robbe raised his brows to pressure her. It seemed like no one wanted to tell him anything straight up today. 

“Have you filled out your scholarship application?”

Robbe recalled the document on his laptop, “Parts of it, yeah.”

“Have you found the professor for your letter of recommendation yet?”

He rubbed his forehead in slight frustration, “No, not yet.”

Yasmina sent him a warm smile, moving closer to rest her hands on his shoulders. 

“I actually talked to Professor Beckers the other day about you.”

“Yeah…” Robbe knew that was their Biology professor, but he was so intimidated by him that he almost always sent Yasmina to submit their projects instead of him. 

“I just told him how you were in the middle of applying for it. He seemed really excited when I said that...and then he asked me if you had gotten your recommendation yet and I let him know that I wasn’t sure.” 

She took in a deep breath, “Anyways, he said to let you know that he thinks you’re an incredible student and if you’re still looking for someone, he’d be more willing to do it.”

“You just have to talk to him, Robbe.”

He didn’t even let Yasmina take a step back before enveloping her in a grateful, warm, embrace. There were few people in the world that Robbe fully trusted. Sander was one of them. 

Yasmina was also definitely another. 

He mumbled into her shoulder, feeling so much gratitude to have her there as part of his support system. She was someone who would do anything to make Robbe reach his highest highs because she knew he was capable of reaching it. 

“Thank you. That means a lot.”

“Don’t thank me. I just want you to actually go and ask him.”

Robbe smiled at her, “And I will. Seriously.”

They began to walk out into the hallway and had only reached the living room for two seconds before they were bombarded in another huge hug from Jens, Moyo, and Aaron. Robbe grinned hard and couldn’t hide his laughter as Yasmina shuddered in horror, quickly wriggling out and finding her way toward s Zoë who stood on the other end.

“Dude,” Aaron grinned, “I can’t believe it.”

“Genuinely thought we were gonna lose because Sander got injured,” Moyo said in truth, noticing the way Robbe glared at him.

“What?” The boy lifted his hands in innocence. 

“You didn’t trust me to save the team?” Robbe laughed.

“I don’t trust anyone when the clock is running. Watching this sport kills me, bro.”

Jens listened to their conversation, eventually grabbing Robbe and shooing the others away. Moyo and Aaron yelled in protest as Jens walked outside with Robbe, not finding too many people due to the cold weather. 

His best friend was ready to tell him something until  Luc jumped on Robbe in a surprise. The boy pushed on his back, laughing once he saw Robbe’s confused daze.

“Hey.”

“Hey, stranger,” Robbe grinned.

It wasn’t too long until he got the brightest idea as he looked between his best friend and teammate, knowing how much Jens begged him to hang out with some of them one day.

Robbe animatedly gestured his hands, dragging his best friend closer as he turned to face Luc, “Jens, I’m finally introducing you to some of my teammates.”

“Jens, this is Luc.”

“Luc, this is Jens.”

The two boys exchanged smiles and firm handshakes. 

“Hey, man.”

“Hey.”

“Robbe told me you skate, is that true?”

Jens raised his brows, “He’s talked about me before?”

Robbe snorted, “You’re my best friend.”

Luc grew amused, “I’ve actually been trying to learn and haven’t found anyone to teach me.”

“Dude,” Jens loved the idea, “That’d be awesome. I go to the skate park nearly everyday. I’d love to help and show someone the ropes.”

The two immediately began to make plans in front of him, leaving Robbe stranded as he drank more and shivered from the cold, cursing at his decision to only wear one layer underneath his jacket.

It didn’t take long for the warmth to return.

Robbe’s skin nearly jumped out when a pair of familiar arms snaked around his waist, only relaxing once Sander pressed a fleeting kiss on his cheek.

Sander looked towards Jens and Luc, who were already neck deep into their own separate conversation, “Do you guys mind if I steal Robbe?”

They waved him off, “Go ahead.”

Jens funneled his hands into a cone, “Robbe, stay safe!”

That made Robbe blush as he walked backwards with Sander, finally turning around to wrap his arms around him and crash their lips together in a rush. 

The feeling never grew old as they smiled into it, forgetting everything around them as they felt secure enough in their little bubble. Sander’s soft squeezes on Robbe’s waist and Robbe’s gentle touches on Sander’s arm sent them whirling in a pool of emotions. They didn’t say anything when they finally pulled away, only grinning at each other with grateful smiles.

Sander eventually grabbed Robbe’s hand, a mischievous smirk on his face as he motioned his head over, “Do you wanna leave?”

“And go where?” Robbe asked, mostly to tease. He didn’t plan on staying at the party for too long anyways, knowing they were only a few minutes away from everyone getting truly tipsy and drunk. 

“Anywhere,” Sander winked, moving to whisper in Robbe’s ear, “But I think I have a place in mind.”

Robbe didn’t say anything. He only linked their hands together and motioned his head towards the door with an eager smile, “Lead the way.”

Both of them nearly ran out of the house, ignoring the calls of protests from their friends behind them. They had to slow down after a few minutes so Sander’s ankle wouldn’t flame in pain again, but they made the most of it by dragging the minutes away with long kisses and caressing touches. 

What would usually take them around fifteen minutes to walk to their destination, took them nearly forty-five. 

The two couldn’t stop laughing as they fumbled through the familiar, vine-covered archway, touching nonstop. 

Sander leaned against Robbe as they took in the garden under the night skies, illuminating like a whimsical dark forest. Leaves crunched under their feet as they slowly walked towards the middle. 

They swung their arms around like little children, giddy with the alcohol running through their system, but more drunk off each other’s presence.

They sat down on their bench, cuddling to avoid the cold temperatures. 

At one point, Sander longingly gazed down at Robbe, “I always planned on bringing you here, you know?” 

He shared, “It was such a private part of me, and I was going to wait. But I did it that day when we made up because I didn’t want to ever make you upset like that again.” 

Sander continued, “I just wanted to show you the side I’ve always wanted you to see, and I didn’t want to waste time and potentially lose you.” 

Robbe cupped his face, “You were never going to lose me.”

He remembered the countless number of promises they made to one another, “And now you’ll always have me.”

They kissed for a long time on the stone bench, squeezing their hands together to cement the memory in their minds. 

As the night reigned on, they moved to stand on the short bridge that rose above the small pond. They pressed their bodies close as they leaned their elbows forward on the railing, admiring the entire garden from their standpoint.

Sander lightly pecked Robbe’s cheeks, “This is our place.”

“You’re the one who found it,” the boy replied, absentmindedly playing with the ring on Sander’s finger. 

“Yeah...but I made it ours.”

Robbe smiled at their first memory in the exact place, playing with the camera that looped around Sander’s neck. He went to go grab it, laughing as Sander looked at him in confusion.

“Take photos,” Robbe whispered, clinging on to Sander. 

“I want to fill up the book with as many as I can,” he added, “And when that one is full, we can go buy a new one.”

Sander never expected Robbe to like his gift so much. Perhaps he had been too pessimistic in the past, but it didn’t matter as he noticed how it always popped out of Robbe’s bag when it was open, tucked away along with the rest of his textbooks and school supplies. 

Robbe had deemed it important enough to carry with him everywhere he went, and that made Sander emotional knowing he poured his life into it for so long. It was a place where he wrote his dark thoughts, but it was also the place where those dark thoughts were soon consumed by the everlasting light of Robbe’s larger presence in his life. 

He had to close his eyes as he pressed his forehead against Robbe’s. They didn’t say anything for a while, just listening to the gentle lapping of water under them.

“Would you have imagined it?” Robbe finally whispered with soft eyes. 

He didn’t specify anything, but the look between the two boys as they stood a little drunk on the small bridge said everything. 

“I always had hope,” Sander remembered, “Even when I knew you found me unbearable.”

Robbe looked away, feeling a bit shy, “Unbearably…”

Sander raised his brows in anticipation, “Yes?”

“You’re annoying,” Robbe breathed out, laughing when Sander tried to tickle him, eagerly trying to get away. 

The older boy wrapped one arm around Robbe’s shoulders to bring him close and kiss him square on the mouth. 

He pulled away and pressed their foreheads together again, “That part doesn’t matter now, right?”

Robbe agreed, “No, it doesn’t.”

Humming in delight, Sander mumbled against their lips, “I love you a lot, Robin.”

“I love you too,” Robbe grinned, “And tomorrow we can go to the bakery and get those croissants you haven’t stopped texting me about.”

“Much better than practice,” Sander snorted.

“You know what else is better than practice and croissants?”

“What?” Sander couldn’t help but laugh at the face Robbe pulled, as if he was ready to drop the cheesiest one-liner of all time. 

“Us,” Robbe said matter-of-factly.

Sander smiled bright, brighter than the moonlight shining down on them, eyes hopeful for their future together. Even though the pain in his ankle had started to subside a few days ago, it still lingered. It didn’t matter to him in that moment as he lifted a giggly Robbe up in the air. He felt like he could do that for the rest of time just to hear those sweet notes come out of the younger boy’s mouth. 

Once Robbe was placed gently back on the ground, Sander connected their lips together in a kiss that reached all the way inside of their hearts, pouring out in raw love. He knew many truths in their relationship, but Sander only had one to vow as they embraced under the glowing luster.

“Nothing beats us.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uh...wow. This is my first time finishing up a multi-chaptered fic and it feels EMOTIONAL. I truly loved writing this story and seeing everyone's reactions towards it. It makes me so happy that it resonated so much with some of you. 💛💛
> 
> I'm a tired girl right now, lol! 🥳
> 
> I'm already planning out my next long fic so just stay tuned (if you're interested) for when the first chapter drops!!
> 
> Again, I have no words to describe the love I've received from others on this fic. I love you all so much and am sending you a million virtual hugs and kisses. (MASSIVE KUSJES! 😘😘) Thank you so much for following me on this writing journey.
> 
> -love, robbesanderx  
Tumblr: @robbesdriesen (I changed my URL around a week ago!)

**Author's Note:**

> If you read this chapter until the end, first of all, thank you so much for reading (14K is a first for me)!!! It means the absolute world to me as a writer. Second of all, this chapter should be the longest out of the four due to introductions and setting up plot. The others will be quite long as well, but just less than this one! 
> 
> Any and all feedback is appreciated, it keeps me motivated to keep writing!! <3 
> 
> And I hope I brought some semblance of content to you guys during these times of uncertainty. 
> 
> I hope to see you all in the next chapter, until then, stay safe and practice social distancing. 
> 
> -love, robbesanderx
> 
> @sanderdriessen on Tumblr  
@robbesander on Twitter


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